Trigger warning:
Fight the New Drug is an awareness organization educating about the harms of pornography on individuals, relationships, and society. We share research, facts, and personal accounts to help promote understanding for various aspects of this multi-faceted issue. Our goal is to maintain an environment where all individuals can have healthy and productive conversations about this issue, while acknowledging that this issue can impact any person or relationship differently.
In this piece, we dive into how porn misrepresents people of different genders and sexes, and how consumers are completely misinformed about sex basics by what's shown. 10-minute read.
What’s consumed in porn is often processed as reality—seared into memory as an unforgettable picture of what sex is and should be at its ideal. What if those images, despite being perfectly crafted and powerfully convincing, aren’t accurate or healthy depictions of reality? What if they mislead rather than inform?
When it comes to sex, many people turn to porn as a primary educator when they have natural questions and curiosities. However, even for those who consume porn only occasionally and casually, it can have a significant impact on the way they view themselves, their partner, and what’s sexually acceptable or desirable.
Studies show that most young people are exposed to porn by age 13,British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/researchCopy and according to a nationally representative survey of U.S. teens, 84.4% of 14 to 18-year-old males and 57% of 14 to 18-year-old females have viewed pornography.Wright, P. J., Paul, B., & Herbenick, D. (2021). Preliminary insights from a U.S. probability sample on adolescents’ pornography exposure, media psychology, and sexual aggression. J.Health Commun., 1-8. doi:10.1080/10810730.2021.1887980Copy
This implies that many young people are unintentionally obtaining some of their sex education from pornography. Whether they intend to or not, it’s happening. A study indicates that roughly 45% of teenagers who consumed pornography did so partially to learn about sex. This suggests a significant reliance on porn for sex education among adolescents.British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/researchCopy
A survey found that 24.5% of 18 to 24-year-olds considered pornography the most helpful source for learning about sex.Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., Herbenick, D., & Paul, B. (2021). Pornography vs. sexual science: The role of pornography use and dependency in U.S. teenagers’ sexual illiteracy., 1-22. doi:10.1080/03637751.2021.1987486Copy
Here are a few of the most insidious myths about sex porn perpetuates.
Myth #1 – “The bigger the penis, the better the sex.”
A recent poll revealed that increased porn consumption correlates with a higher likelihood of dissatisfaction with penis size among men. Similarly, women who consume more porn tend to be less satisfied with their male partners’ penis size.International Andrology London. (2017). The porn hypothesis – findings prove porn consumption fuels the desire for penis enlargement surgery in the UK. Retrieved from https://london-andrology.co.uk/news/the-porn-hypothesis-findings-prove-porn-consumption-fuels-the-desire-for-penis-enlargement-surgery-in-the-uk/Copy
Mainstream porn generally only shows one size of male genitalia in both straight and gay relationships—unrealistically larger than average. But the reality is, regardless of sexuality, size doesn’t determine ability or partner potential.
Even though what men see in porn isn’t representative of reality, research shows that explicit nude images can cause them to overanalyze their body parts and be detrimental to their self-esteem.
In fact, by some estimates, many men with average-sized penises seek penis enlargement surgeries because they think they’re below average. From 2013-2017 alone, over 45,000 penis enhancements were done globally—and that doesn’t include other enhancement methods like surgery, fillers, pills, or injections.
Because men primarily see only one type of penis portrayed as desirable in porn—though smaller than average penises have inspired specific and separate fetish genres—and explicit content is their main frame of reference to compare themselves to, many needlessly criticize their bodies and even avoid romantic encounters due to anxiety about their bodies.
If you need a dose of reality, just read what this porn director has to say (link trigger warning) about all the pill-popping on set and how female porn performers can be injured if their partner is above average in size.
Human bodies come in a diverse range of shapes, shades, and sizes. Assuming that quality sex is only possible with the largest penis or that sex is solely about penis size is entirely false. It overlooks the complexity and diversity of sexual experiences
Myth #2 – “Lesbian women can be seduced by ‘the right guy.’”
Although “lesbian” has remained one of the most searched-for terms on popular porn sites over the past few years, the majority of mainstream porn isn’t necessarily made for a lesbian audience at all but for cisgender, heterosexual men. Not to mention mainstream porn gets a lot of things wrong about LGBTQ+ sex in general.
Exaggerated and inaccurate caricatures of female same-sex relationships are the focus of an objectifying fantasy in these videos. The portrayal of ‘girl-on-girl’ scenes in porn aims to fetishize a particular sexual orientation. These scenes frequently play up stereotypes, which can misrepresent the reality of lesbian relationships.
What do real lesbians think about lesbian porn? In a viral Buzzfeed video from a few years ago, “lesbian porn” was critiqued by women who are lesbians who pointed out the ridiculous fake fantasies of the genre. While it’s too triggering to embed here, the video reinforces that it’s predominantly guys who watch it, and it’s predominantly made for guys. Lesbian relationships do not exist to be a fetish for heterosexual men, yet porn often sells the “fantasy” that lesbian women can be seduced by the “right guy.”
Mainstream porn often depicts storylines where male characters like mailmen, pizza delivery guys, or plumbers seduce lesbian couples. Additionally, some scenarios portray lesbian women attempting to seduce their straight family members or roommates. What harmful beliefs do these plotlines perpetuate? That female sexuality isn’t to be taken seriously, that lesbian women are predatory, and that “the right man” has the power to change someone’s sexuality. This is not an accurate representation of reality.
The simple fact is lesbian women, can’t just be “seduced” by the “right guys,” nor is it every lesbian’s goal to seduce non-lesbian women—no matter how much porn aims to fantasize those ideas.
Myth #3 – “Pleasurable penetration happens with no preparation.”
Porn often fails to portray the preparation involved in sex, including foreplay. Penetrative sex without preparation, whether anal, vaginal, or otherwise, is unrealistic and uncomfortable for most people.
Dr. Joseph Terlizzi, a colon and rectal surgeon, says that people being penetrated during anal sex need to take time to prepare their bodies to avoid getting hurt. If not, “you’ll run the risk of tearing skin” or, in some cases, severely damaging your body.
In porn, forceful sex of any type without adequate preparation is seen as pleasurable and the norm. In reality, neglecting preparation and self-care can result in an uncomfortable and painful experience for both partners.
Myth #4 – “Bisexual women want to have sex with everyone all the time.”
Pornography often fetishizes bisexual individuals, particularly women, depicting them as constantly available for sexual encounters with any gender. This portrayal perpetuates harmful stereotypes about bisexuality.
Basically, in porn, bisexual people always have insanely high sex drives and will jump at any opportunity for a threesome. Some argue that the portrayal of bisexual people in porn is simply an exaggerated fantasy. However, it’s essential to consider how this fantasy misrepresents real individuals. Such misrepresentation can have negative implications for how bisexual individuals are perceived and treated.
Porn sells the idea that bisexual individuals are hypersexual, serial cheaters, and always interested in a sexual encounter whenever and with whoever. What porn gets incorrect is that bisexual individuals, like everyone else, have individual libidos, desires, and longing for connection.
Portraying a person as a fetish is a dehumanizing misrepresentation. Sexual orientation is not a fetish.
Myth #5 – “Derogatory or demeaning behavior during sex is completely normal and evokes a positive reaction—even if it’s nonconsensual.”
In reality, partners who have discussed ‘rougher’ activities before sex may mutually agree to try them. However, this critical discussion and consent process is often omitted in porn. Mainstream porn normalizes behaviors like spitting or peeing on your partner during sex, strangling them, or ejaculating on their face—particularly without consent, which is never okay.
Pop culture often discusses violent and sometimes life-threatening sex acts like strangling as if they’re universally enjoyed. The normalization of such acts in mainstream porn may influence this misconception.
In a Guardian piece about the rising deadly trend of strangulation during sex, Erika Lust—one of the world’s most popular female porn directors—agrees that strangulation and choking scenes now dominate porn. “Face slapping, choking, gagging, and spitting has become the alpha and omega of any porn scene and not within a BDSM context,” she says. “These are presented as standard ways to have sex when, in fact, they are niches.”
In a recent study of the most popular mainstream porn videos, 9 out of 10 scenes showed a woman being hit, beaten, yelled at, or otherwise harmed, and the result was almost always the victim responding with either pleasure or no response at all.
But what happens when these behaviors are acted out in real life, especially without warning? One woman recently shared her experience:
“Not long after we got married, we were having sex when, unexpectedly, he spit on me. He was embarrassed when he realized that his action didn’t elicit the expected reaction.”
What he’d seen had created unrealistic expectations for what sex would be like. He saw people do things to each other, get specific reactions, and assumed they’d transfer into real life. When they didn’t, his secret was exposed, and what he thought had been a harmless release of tension damaged our relationship.”
Not everyone’s sexual template will be the same. Still, the vital thing porn videos usually skip over is talking through what is expected with a partner, what’s okay and not okay, and both enthusiastically consenting beforehand.
Myth #6 – “Consuming porn will make you a better sexual partner, guaranteed.”
Porn might seem sexy, but it teaches consumers pretty terrible sex lessons. Take it from this guy who recently shared his story:
“I once thought watching porn and studying actors would make me a better lover and help me attract a partner. None of the above reasons were true, though. Getting sex advice from porn turned me into the worst guy in bed. Honestly, it got so bad that practically only porn aroused me, not even my girlfriend.
Truthfully, all the ideas I ever believed about porn were such lies. Porn didn’t make me more confident, it didn’t make me a better lover, and it didn’t make my relationships better. All I got from porn was just time wasted, exhaustion, and bad sex advice.”
As a result of natural curiosity, many young people turn to porn to learn about sex. But what type of education are they getting?
Studies suggest that increased pornography consumption is associated with the enjoyment of degrading, uncommon, or aggressive sexual behaviors.Ezzell, M. B., Johnson, J. A., Bridges, A. J., & Sun, C. F. (2020). I (dis)like it like that: Gender, pornography, and liking sex. J.Sex Marital Ther., 46(5), 460-473. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2020.1758860Copy
Research shows that porn often leads to less sex, less satisfying sex, and for many consumers, no sex at all. The exact opposite of what porn promises consumers.
Myth #7 – “You must look/act a certain way to be desirable/sexy.”
Some people go to great lengths to emulate their partner’s favorite porn performers. However, they often find that no matter how hard they try, their partner cannot be satisfied or content.
Research indicates exposure to pornographic images can make people more critical of their partner’s appearance and sexual behavior.
“It used to be there were parts of girls’ bodies that were not exposed to public opinion,” sex-education author and advocate Dr. Emily Nagoski was quoted saying in Time Magazine. “There’s hardly any body part left that girls are allowed to be not critical of.”
For cisgender women, this often involves experiencing body shame related to breasts, vaginal labia, and other parts of their bodies. They may feel insecure about features such as cellulite or stretch marks despite these being very normal and natural. Much of mainstream porn depicts unrealistic scenarios and bodies that are far from average. These portrayals can distort perceptions of what’s normal.
As girls become sexually active, they interpret not only their observations but also those of their partners.
“Meanwhile, boys who use porn to learn about female genitals may recoil when they encounter them in real life, damaging a girl’s sexual self-worth,” wrote Rachel Simmons, author of Why More Teen Girls Are Getting Genital Surgery. “Not surprisingly, many girls come to believe there is something wrong with their bodies.”
But girls aren’t the only ones who have been misled by porn to believe that “sexy” has to look or act a certain way.
Porn often portrays gay, straight, and transgender individuals as objects or fetishes, neglecting their humanity and deserving respect.
In a recent interview, one transgender woman recently shared:
“When porn hyper fixates on a marginalized (performer’s) body size, race, gender, and/or capabilities, the marginalized viewers take a toll… This is doubly the case for people who are regularly stereotyped as monstrous or grotesque, such as transwomen. We come to believe that our bodies are fundamentally unlovable, or that they can only be desirable on another person’s terms.”
Everyone, regardless of sexual identity, appearance, or size, deserves love and respect beyond mere physical attributes.
Myth #8 – “You must be willing to go to the extreme and do anything and everything your partner wants—even if it makes you uncomfortable.”
Young people experience real pressure from the way sex is portrayed in porn. This pressure can result in engaging in significantly harmful behaviors. One woman emailed us and shared her experience.
“When I thought a sex position or act wasn’t possible, my boyfriends would respond with, ‘It’s possible, I’ve seen it.’
I wanted to train myself to be so eager about sex and so quickly aroused that I would willingly do anything my boyfriend asked….. When I wasn’t comfortable with doing something with him, he thought it would be a good idea to have me watch the act in porn to see what it’s ‘really like.’ He told me, ‘See, that’s what it’s like, there are some girls out there who go even crazier.’
I was determined to be able to do what that girl was doing. I was so determined to be even more adventurous than anything he’d seen so that I would have his undivided attention.”
A study revealed that teenagers often attempt to replicate pornographic scenes in their sexual encounters. This pressure to imitate pornographic behaviors can be a contributing factor to unhealthy relationship dynamics.Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). 'Without Porn … I Wouldn't Know Half the Things I Know Now: A Qualitative Study of Pornography Use Among a Sample of Urban, Low-Income, Black and Hispanic Youth. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 736–746. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.960908Copy
And according to a UK survey of over 22,000 adult women, 16% reported having been forced or coerced to perform sex acts the other person had seen in porn.Taylor, J., & Shrive, J. (2021). ‘I thought it was just a part of life’: Understanding the scale of violence committed against women in the UK since birth. VictimFocus. Retrieved from https://irp.cdn-website.com/f9ec73a4/files/uploaded/Key-Facts-Document-VAWG-VictimFocus-2021a.pdfCopy
Lack of communication and feeling pressured to do sex acts beyond what makes you comfortable just because porn makes it look fun and easy isn’t a recipe for a healthy or safe sex life—and no one should have to live up to the unrealistic expectations set by porn.
Porn is not produced with accurate information about sex in mind. Pornography is produced as exaggerated entertainment. Nobody should ever feel pressured into trying sex acts they are not comfortable with.
Myth #9 – “Sexual pleasure in a relationship is one-sided.”
In porn, male sexual pleasure often takes precedence, perpetuating harmful lopsided dynamics that prioritize male satisfaction.
Research confirms that women are the targets of aggression or violence in porn about 97% of the time Fritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A Descriptive Analysis of the Types, Targets, and Relative Frequency of Aggression in Mainstream Pornography. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(8), 3041–3053. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy and that only 18.3% of women in popular porn videos (compared to 78% of men) were shown to reach climax.Séguin, L. J., Rodrigue, C., & Lavigne, J. (2018). Consuming Ecstasy: Representations of Male and Female Orgasm in Mainstream Pornography. Journal of sex research, 55(3), 348–356. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2017.1332152Copy
Pornography often portrays male orgasm as paramount, depicting women as objects for violent abuse and male pleasure.
The visual representation of porn often shapes individuals’ expectations of their real-life experiences. This influence can lead to discrepancies between fantasy and reality in sexual encounters.
Men and boys are taught that to be a “man,” they must be aggressive and dominant, while women and girls are indoctrinated to be submissive and not speak out about their own needs, even when they’re in pain. Or if they are in pain, that’s marketed as a turn-on for the consumer instead of a red flag.
Is it worth it to take sex tips from an industry that so clearly profits from fake orgasms?
Myth #10 – “Protection-free sex is risk-free.”
Research has repeatedly found that those who consume a significant amount of porn are more likely to start having sex sooner and with more partners, to engage in riskier sexual behavior, and to be at greater risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections.
When a young person visits a mainstream porn site, they’ll see entire categories depicting things like group sex, gang rape, brutal anal sex, surprise anal sex (this is rape), women being humiliated and degraded by more than one man at a time, unprotected sex with strangers, and other dangerous and/or violent sex acts.
Of course, we’re not saying that everyone who consumes porn will participate in the acts mentioned above. Even still, scenarios like these are more common because it’s what consumers have seen normalized and glamorized in porn.
What’s also harmful is how, in porn, consumers don’t see performers suffer the consequences of the kind of sex portrayed. In videos, no one is portrayed as contracting sexually transmitted infections, there are no unplanned pregnancies (unless that’s part of the plot), no skin tearing or bruises—really no emotional, mental, or physical trauma or repercussions displayed at all. But is that realistic?
What impact could porn’s harmful sex education have?
Ultimately, porn is a business. And just like any business selling a product, the industry is driven by a competitive market.
Pornographers are constantly going to extremes in attempts to outdo each other and get the most views, regardless of the harmful views that content is instilling in consumers, whether it be toxic ideas about LGBTQ+ individuals, false ideas about body image, or unrealistic expectations for sex.
And just as harmful as what porn shows is what it doesn’t show—mutual respect, dignity, intimate touch, open communication, checking in with consent, awareness of your partner’s needs, and appreciation and respect for all body types and preferences.
So, how can we help limit the advancement of these harmful ideals and promote healthy ones? By exposing the lies and spreading the truth about porn. Because everyone deserves love, respect, and so much more than the harmful sex porn sells as “fantasy.”
Support this resource
Thanks for taking the time to read through this article! As a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, we're able to create resources like this through the support of people like you. Will you help to keep our educational resources free as we produce resources that raise awareness on the harms of porn and sexual exploitation?
DONATE