According to research and personal accounts, instead of increasing sexual enjoyment, porn often leads to less satisfying sex in the long run and, for many porn consumers, no sex at all.
Porn promises a virtual world filled with sex—more sex and better sex. What it doesn’t mention, however, is that the further a porn consumer goes into that fantasy world, the more likely their reality is to become just the opposite. [1] Porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex. [2] And for many consumers, porn eventually means no sex at all. [3]
How? Well, it starts in the brain.
You see, your brain is full of nerve pathways that make up what scientists call your “brain map.” [4] It’s kind of like a hiking map in your head, with billions of tiny overlapping trails. These pathways connect different parts of your brain together, helping you make sense of your experiences and control your life.
When you have a sexual experience that feels good, your brain starts creating new pathways to connect what you’re doing to the pleasure you’re feeling. [5] Essentially, your brain is redrawing the sexual part of your map so you’ll be able to come back later and repeat the experience. [6] (See How Porn Affects The Brain Like a Drug ). The same thing happens the first time someone consume’s porn. The porn consumer’s brain starts building new pathways in response to this very powerful new experience. [7] It’s saying, “This feels great! Let’s do this again.”
But here’s the catch: brain maps operate on a “use it or lose it” principle. [8] Just like a hiking trail will start to grow over if it’s not getting walked on, brain pathways that don’t get traffic become weaker and can even be completely replaced by stronger pathways that get more use.
As you might expect, consuming porn is a very powerful experience that leaves a strong and lasting impression in the brain. (See How Porn Changes The Brain.) Every time someone consumes porn—especially if they heighten the experience by masturbating—the part of the brain map that connects arousal to porn is being strengthened. [9] Meanwhile, the pathways connecting arousal to things like seeing, touching, or cuddling with a partner aren’t getting used. Pretty soon, natural turn-ons aren’t enough, and many porn consumers find they can’t get aroused by anything but porn. [10]
How bad is the problem? Put it this way: doctors are seeing an epidemic of young men who, because of their porn use, can’t get it up with a real, live partner. [11]
Thirty years ago, when a man developed erectile dysfunction (ED), it was almost always because he was getting older, usually past 40. As his body aged it became more difficult to maintain an erection. [12] Chronic ED in anyone under 35 was nearly unheard of. [13] But those were the days before internet porn. These days, online message boards are flooded with complaints from porn users in their teens and 20s complaining that they can’t maintain an erection. [14] They want to know what’s wrong with their body, but the problem isn’t in the penis—it’s in the brain. [15]
Study after study has shown that porn is directly related to problems with arousal, attraction, and sexual performance. [16]. Porn leads to less sex and to less sexual satisfaction within a relationship. [17] Researchers have shown a strong connection between porn use and low sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and trouble reaching orgasm. [18] Many frequent porn users reach a point where they have an easier time getting aroused by internet porn than by having actual sex with a real partner. [19] One recent study even concluded that porn use was likely the reason for low sexual desire among a random sample of high school seniors. [20] Who has ever heard of that? Low sexual desire among high school seniors!
This trend of sexual problems is especially serious for teens and young adults. Their brains are particularly vulnerable to being rewired by porn, [21] and they are in a period where they are forming crucial attitudes, preferences, and expectations for their future. [22]
Young people imitate what they see in porn, and when teens learn about sexuality from porn, they are in danger of adopting the misleading, harmful biases embedded there. [23] Many teens never have the chance to learn what a healthy relationship is like before porn starts teaching them its version—which is typically filled with domination, infidelity, abuse, and violence. [24] Since most people aren’t too excited about entering a relationship with someone who has attitudes like that, teens who get their sex ed from porn often find that they struggle to connect with real romantic partners. [25]
Fortunately, the brain is a resilient organ. The sexual dysfunction caused by porn can be reversed, [26] and a brain map can be rewired to work well again once porn is out of the picture. [27]