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10 Differences Between Healthy Sex and the Sex Porn Portrays

By April 26, 2019 No Comments

Have you ever watched a movie and found yourself thinking something along the lines of, “That is not what happens in real life!”

When we watch movies or TV shows, even though we know that they’re fake, we expect them to accurately imitate real life. Our brains want realism and logic to be able to fit into the media we consume, despite the fact that things like movies aren’t necessarily seeking to do this 100%—they’re seeking to entertain and get money from the viewers.

Think about the way that romantic comedies might provide unrealistic expectations for our first relationship, or a spy movie allows us to think that there’s always a gadget or a trick on-hand for a secret agent, no matter the situation.

When a movie is about something we know a lot about and have direct experience in, we are obviously going to notice the flaws portrayed. However, when a movie is about something that we don’t have experience in, or know very little about, we tend to trust that the movie is more accurate because this is the only information we have.

Think about it: How are we supposed to know what actually goes on in the CIA, unless we do some heavy research or become a secret agent? Or, how are we supposed to know what our first kiss will be like until we actually have it? Absorbing this information paves the way forming expectations.

This has been true since the dawn of time, however, movies aren’t the only media shaping our expectations.

Classic PKL

Pornography is also guilty of shaping consumers’ expectations, particularly of sex, which is only made worse when you consider that the average age of exposure to pornography is between 8-11 years old, and that 60% of students turn to porn to learn about sex.

We have entered into a world where people who don’t have any personal experience with sex are learning everything they know from pornography—and as you can imagine, porn is not a good teacher. It isn’t produced with accurate education in mind, it’s created to entertain and manifest fantasies, no matter how violent or violating.

The sex portrayed in mainstream porn today is not healthy, plain and simple. If you don’t believe us, we compiled a list of ten of the main differences between healthy sex and the sex shown in porn.

1. Porn Sex: Sex is using someone.
Healthy Sex: Sex is caring for someone.

Porn sends the message that people are objects; tools to be used to gratify a desire, no matter the cost. Healthy sex is about individuals seeing each other’s humanity and being selfless.

2. Porn Sex: Partners have sex “at” each other.
Healthy Sex: Sex is sharing a moment with a partner.

When sex is healthy, it can be an act of togetherness. Porn displays sex as simply an act being done to a person, again, degrading them and creating a selfish sense of independence between the persons involved. Healthy sex is more unified, and keeps the other person’s desire in mind.

3. Porn Sex: Sex is separate from emotion and love.
Healthy Sex: Sex is an expression of intimacy.

Porn compartmentalizes sex and affection. Often, little that is portrayed in the mainstream porn world can even be described as an act of love, and might better be described as an act of domination and hate. Healthy sex can be an expression of love and feeling between equal individuals, building upon intimacy in a relationship.

4. Porn Sex: Sex can be hurtful.
Healthy Sex: Sex is nurturing.

Porn sells the idea that sometimes sex can and should be used as a weapon, or as punishment. This is dangerous and unhealthy. In reality, healthy sex should be a controlled act of care, not something that harms them.

5. Porn Sex: Sex is emotionally distant.
Healthy Sex: Sex is emotionally close.

It’s no wonder that the degrading, objectifying sex of pornography is emotionally distant. Healthy sex includes emotional investment and recognizing the emotional needs, desires, and delicacies between partners. Sounds a little better, doesn’t it?

Brain Heart World

6. Porn Sex: Sex can happen anytime with anyone.
Healthy Sex: Sex requires certain conditions.

Pornography would have you believe that anyone can suddenly start having sex with another person at any minute (and enjoy it). It downgrades communication, consent, and emotions, among numerous other factors that are all at play when sex might be able to occur.

7. Porn Sex: Sex can be degrading.
Healthy Sex: Sex is always respectful.

Degradation should never be allowed into the formula for sex. The very base of healthy sex is mutual respect. A lack of respect results in hurt feelings at best, and violence and abuse at worst, but porn would have you believe that degrading people doesn’t matter as long as you’re pleasured—or even that the people being degraded enjoy it or deserve it.

8. Porn Sex: Sex lacks healthy communication.
Healthy Sex: Sex requires healthy communication.

Meaningful communication is nearly absent from pornography, and when it’s present, you could hardly call it healthy (i.e. name calling, verbal abuse). Porn makes talking seem like a mood killer, but communicating likes, dislikes, or other thoughts during sex promotes healthier, safer, and all-around better sex and better connection with your partner.

Often, performers list out “do’s and don’ts” before filming starts, but the consumer doesn’t see that side of the production—only the edited and finished product.

9. Porn Sex: Sex has no limits, anything goes.
Healthy Sex: Sex has set boundaries.

In pornography, anything you want to do is okay to do. No matter how unacceptable—be it sexist, racist, abusive, illegal, etc. The rule seems to be, if it provides pleasure to someone, then it is acceptable. There’s really no such thing as “harmless” fantasy when we know how indulging these thoughts can influence our perceptions and actions (see How Porn Affects Sexual Tastes). Fantasizing sex where anything and everything is acceptable and exciting can start consumers down a dangerous, slippery slope.

10. Porn Sex: Sex compromises your values.
Healthy Sex: Sex reflects your values.

Sex should never be something that causes a disconnect from the things someone values and feels comfortable and safe doing. During healthy sex, people don’t have to check their values at the door; rather, people get to see those values exemplified.

Anti-porn is pro-sex

Hopefully, by now it’s obvious that being anti-porn goes hand-in-hand with being pro-sex. Pornography is simply incompatible with healthy sex in what it portrays and what research shows it results in between partners. Healthy sex is a mutual, respectful act between two consenting adults who can hold onto their emotions and intimacy without feeling compromised.

Don’t buy the lies pornography sellsjoin the fight today to help raise awareness of how pornography robs people of healthy understandings of sex.

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