Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We recently received this true story from a Fighter who has experienced the negative effects of trying to learn from the unrealistic portrayals of sex in porn. What looks fun and mutually enjoyable in porn can be demeaning or uncomfortable in real life, and this is the only sex education readily available for a lot of people. Some stories, like this one, show how porn makes for bad sex education that can have negative effects on relationships and taking care of a healthy sexuality.

Hi FTND,

I am 24 years old, and I’m from Kenya. I started reading about porn in magazines when I was around 15 years old, because at that time, I had no access to the internet. I’m very active and adventurous, and I love to learn, so I could never just stop myself from reading something I’d come across. That is how I was introduced to pornography for the first time, in a magazine.

Later, when I could access the internet, I knew what to look for. I started to watch porn and fantasize about the women in porn…not too often, at first. Honestly, I found my porn habit “cool” because I could watch these women on screen and picture myself with them, without having to actually meet them and get them to sleep with me in real life. Then, after a while of watching porn regularly, my habit started getting out of control.

RelatedPorn Site Offers “Virtual Sexology” To Teach Men To Be “More Confident” In Bed

I had always believed that watching porn and studying the actors would make me a great lover for a partner in future, that it would make even sexier and help me get a girlfriend. None of the above reasons were true, though. For example, getting sex advice from porn actually turned me into the worst guy in bed. Honestly, it got so bad that practically only porn aroused me, not even my girlfriend. I started not to care about anything, and I just watched porn all the time, almost everywhere—even in public. It was a problem.

Really, porn is like a hard drug. The addiction is real, and the end results are disastrous. One time, one of my ex-girlfriends just broke down and asked me, “Why are you cheating on me with just moving pictures on screen?” She was so hurt, and I was so hooked. We broke up after I failed to stop when she asked me. I felt terrible.

It’s funny, because there’s this idea like you can stop watching porn whenever you want to, and it’s not a big deal, but that is not true. The more you watch, the more you want. Truthfully, all the ideas I ever believed about porn were such lies. Porn didn’t make me more confident, it didn’t make me a better lover, and it didn’t make my relationships better. All I got from porn was just time wasted, exhaustion, and a bad sex advice. What’s worse, is that porn is absolutely everywhere. Even on social media. I couldn’t escape it.

RelatedWhy Bad Sex And Low Self-Esteem Can Result From Watching Porn

Why did I choose to stop and fight? At the end of last month, my girlfriend decided that we needed to break up. I could not convince her that after so many failed attempts, I would ever change. I was hurt when she told me, “Porn will just leave you useless. Bye.” I am so frustrated because this is the third girlfriend to say this! And you know what? I can’t argue with that.

The truth is, porn isn’t healthy, it isn’t helpful, and I am determined to get better for myself and for my future relationships. I am a Fighter, and soon I will be victorious.

I hope this inspires somebody to stop watching porn, because really, nothing good comes from it. Truly, porn kills love. Thank you FTND for your important work!

P.

Why this matters

Although porn promises a virtual world filled with endless sex, science is continuously proving that what it actually delivers is just the opposite. In addition to porn leading to less sex and less satisfying sex, for a skyrocketing number of male porn users, it becomes blindingly clear that there’s a problem when they realize they can no longer have real sex at all due to porn-induced erectile dysfunction. You can forget about being a “better lover” when porn eventually leads to no sex at all.

Basically, getting information about sex from porn is like taking drivers ed from a car chase in an action movie. Everything is completely unrealistic, exaggerated, and nothing like real life. Because of the fact that porn is just one huge lie, it creates unrealistic expectations in relationships and distorts attitudes toward real love and intimacy.

Society needs to understand that the only thing that can give true sexual fulfillment is real human connection. At the end of the day, no matter how you package porn, trying to replace a real human experience as important as sex with technology is a dangerous path society is traveling, and we’re definitely not cool with it. By accepting hardcore porn as normal, we’ll surely end up in a world where virtual sex begins to replace real relationships.

Fighting for love means fighting for open conversations about the harms of porn, and it starts with us.

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