This article contains affiliate links. Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.
Have you ever thought about how, in so many ways, pornography is the complete opposite of real love and intimacy?
So many people try to pursue a version of love they see in movies or TV or read about in books. It’s easy to idolize a version of something portrayed as the “ideal,” right? But what if the portrayal of the “ideal” is actually the furthest thing from reality?
For many porn consumers, watching porn is another version of that pursuit for the “ideal” and a pursuit of connection, feeling alive, and chasing after a high that porn can give. The fact is, porn can offer exaggerated and warped depictions of a loving relationship. While it might feel satisfying in the moment, porn doesn’t hold a candle to the real love of relationships.
That’s not to say that reality and real love are “easy” or always perfect, but life’s ups and downs have more to offer than even the most accessible and HD porn out there. Porn can give consumers a temporary escape, but it won’t push them to become better friends, partners, or family members.
Porn would have consumers believe that it portrays the best possible version of sex and relationships. The difficult work of meeting someone, getting to know them, and building a relationship with them isn’t worth the time or effort, from what is shown in porn.
If what is shown in so much of mainstream porn is true, all you need is unfiltered, constant sex for a fulfilling and healthy lifestyle and a non-objecting partner(s) to do all of these things with. Someone who consumes porn may think, “If only I had a partner like that.” Watching porn may feel good temporarily, but we’re here to tell you that real, committed love is so much more authentic than anything pornography could ever show.
Here are just a few reasons why.
1. Love makes the good things in life even better.
Life’s greatest things are made even better when shared with a partner or a friend who’s experiencing it all beside you.
Consider how porn leaves out the best parts of love and relationships. Love and connection with another person extend beyond constant performative sex. Porn cuts out the before and after of sex, fast-forwarding through the awesome and beautifully complicated process of meeting someone and falling in love. It skips the close bond that can come from having a committed relationship.
In porn, they don’t show the hand-holding, the dates, the getting-to-know-you phase, or overcoming obstacles in the relationship. Porn is so fake and disingenuous; it leaves out everything that’s real about sex and really connecting with someone. Often, if someone consumes enough porn and views the unrealistic sex and interactions portrayed there as a “gold standard,” they can have warped expectations for everything that happens in relationships, and they might believe that real people aren’t worth the effort.
No matter who you are, you deserve better than to be compared to a fake fantasy.
2. Love is more valuable than anything porn offers.
Porn can’t love you. It will only leave you just as it found you—feeling anxious, lonely, bored, or stressed.
Porn can’t fight for you, it can’t look after you, and it won’t make you appreciate the little things in life. On the flip side, love offers companionship, friendship, and a close bond that no porn can rival.
Here’s a biological fact: humans are wired to feel love and to bond to another three-dimensional person that can live life alongside them. Love can push you to be a more generous person and give unselfishly, making sure your partner feels loved and cared for.
Porn capitalizes on the idea that your pleasure and your enjoyment are the most important things, regardless of anyone else’s pain, suffering, or abuse. And while everyone deserves to feel sexual pleasure, pleasure is not more important than consent, respect, equality, and mutuality in a relationship.
The performers you see in porn will never hold your hand or grow old with you, but love can last through trials and seasons of life and fight for you until the end. Fighting for love means fighting for the things in life that are healthy and worthwhile and fighting against the toxic ideas in porn.
3. Love challenges you to be a better, healthier person.
Similar to other drugs or addictive behaviors, people often turn to porn when they experience negative emotions they don’t want to cope with.
The fact is, watching porn as an escape from reality doesn’t work. What may seem like an easy distraction from anxiety or depression will likely add to those issues and make them worse in the long run. Life throws curveballs, and they can be difficult to deal with, but porn will never be the answer to making them better or living a healthy life, or shaping you into a healthier person.
In the world of porn, consumers are not challenged to think about consent or if the person they’re seeing on screen actually wants to be there. Porn doesn’t challenge a person to look outside of themselves or put others first. How does existing in that headspace for years of porn-watching inspire generosity, kindness, and compassion?
The truth is real, healthy love inspires people to keep chasing after being the best possible version of themselves that looks out for others and cares about others’ happiness. When people are motivated by love, their relationships and friendships thrive. Love unifies people, helps our society, and makes life so much better and more vibrant.
Love inspires people to make healthier choices, while porn only hinders them. Choose reality and love, not porn, and you’re choosing a healthier mindset, even when it’s challenging.
Related Video: Matt’s Story – I Quit Watching Porn And I’ve Never Been Happier
4. Love encourages people to see others as more than a collection of body parts.
Porn reduces real, living people with stories and lives to a mere collection of parts to be used, often abused, and discarded.
When looking at a pornographic image, consumers rarely consider the performers’ lives outside of the shoot. To do so would be to “ruin the fantasy” that these performers exist only for viewing pleasure and no other reason. They don’t eat, they don’t feel heartbreak, they haven’t experienced abuse, they aren’t in desperate need of money, they don’t have families. They aren’t trafficked or trying to escape poverty or cope with past abuse by working in the porn industry.
Consuming porn promotes the objectification of men and women, overlooking their true value and potential beyond what the industry portrays. They have more to offer than what is asked or shown. Fighting for love means fighting for the humanization of those around us and those on screen.
5. Love is better because it’s real.
Living in a hardcore fantasy world doesn’t teach you how to cope with reality. We get that this is the point of why people watch porn but hear us out.
Porn doesn’t require anything from consumers except their time. Hardcore, extreme porn doesn’t challenge consumers to be a better, more compassionate person, and in fact, it can have the exact opposite effect. Even worse, the porn industry disregards its consumers, their health, and the success of their relationships.
Don’t settle for anything less than real, and fight for your love.
What this all means
We don’t believe anyone who watches porn is a terrible person, but we do believe people who consume porn are selling themselves short of what life and love have to offer.
We don’t fight for love just because porn is so harmful (though it actually is harmful). The truth is we fight for love because it’s so much better than anything anyone could see on a screen.
We’re fighting for love because it is legitimately worth fighting for. We, as a generation, will stand up for love and demand more than what porn offers. Each of us deserves better. Do you see that?
