8-minute read.
In a world where sexual objectification and violence sell, it can be difficult to see what media is doing to our perception of those around us.
For example, because of the normalization of sexual exploitation in hardcore pornography, which is largely women being abused at the hands of aggressive men, it can be so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that all men enjoy hurting others. And not only that, but it can be easy to think that for them, it’s sexually exciting for them to intentionally hurt their sexual partner(s).
The choking, slapping, hitting, forced sex (which is rape), and verbal abuse that’s on the front page of most mainstream porn sites can make it seem like every guy fantasizes about committing such atrocities.
But do they, really? Spoiler alert: they don’t. In fact, many of today’s adolescents and college-aged guys are completely terrified of sex largely because of the violence they’ve seen in porn.
In believing the lies that “every man” is violent, or that women enjoy abuse and men enjoy abusing, we’re buying into the false narrative that the porn industry is selling. The reality is, not all men would sexually take advantage of someone at the drop of a hat if they were given the chance. And the reality is, not all men take sexual pleasure in the pain, degradation, and humiliation of others. But we wouldn’t necessarily know that just by looking at the mainstream porn industry that claims to represent “fantasies,” would we?
Related: What If We Told You That Something Widely Accepted In Society Actually Degrades Women?
That’s where we come in. As a pro-love and pro-healthy sex organization that’s fighting against sexual exploitation, we’re here to expose the damaging lies that the massive porn industry sells as the sexual ideal. Because we know that we’re better than buying into the false stereotypes that the industry portrays about people, and the degrading lies that are so brilliantly marketed as “fantasy.”
(For the female-focused version of this article, click here.)
Let’s debunk a few of the myths that today’s hardcore porn sells about men, and expose some specific harms porn has on men.
1. It shows men as aggressive and abusive.
As we’ve said before, today’s pornography has never been more violent, abusive, or humiliating. Generally, the actors that do the abusing in pornography are men, and because porn is a multi-billion dollar industry that reaches people all over the world, we think it’s safe to say that it is affecting the way the world views men.
And while the majority of available violent pornography shows men being abusive of women, it’s important to note that there are categories of male humiliation porn that show men being hurt and degraded in the name of sexual entertainment. These, however, are niche fetishes, and not considered the mainstream.
The most popular categories of modern pornography include violent terms like “facial abuse,” “teen abused,” and “extreme brutal gang bang,” with increasingly popular categories like “painal” (which means “painful anal”). This content is accessible by anyone with a smart device and an internet connection, no matter their age, gender, or preferences.
And these violent videos get a free pass to exist because it’s a “fantasy” and not actually real. But does packaging this otherwise criminal behavior as fantasy really make it any healthier?
Not only that, but because the porn industry and its supporters claim that these aggressive and violent portrayals of men are all entertaining and arousing fantasy, they’re essentially claiming that these portrayals represent the unreachable sexual ideal for men. Do you see the problem here?
Related: 5 Former Male Porn Stars Share Their Most Disturbing Experiences While In The Industry
Porn makes it seem like this is what all or most men desire, but we know for a fact there are so many wonderful men in the world who are not violent abusers. Though it is true that the majority of assaults are committed by men, a conversation is finally starting about what we can do to teach that no one (man or woman) needs porn, that violence is not okay, and that consent is mandatory. Let’s not shut down this change and this conversation by reinforcing the idea that it’s a fantasy for men to be violent and dominating.
By fighting against porn, we are fighting against the normalization of domestic violence and all forms of sexual assault. Violence is not love. Pushing partners into performing sexual acts is not okay, ever. If we truly believe that, and we truly believe that not all men are okay with assault, we can’t support an industry that literally makes money doing just that.
2. It harms male performers.
In an interview with Men’s Health in 2015, a porn director explained, “In my experience, 95% of the male performers use some sort of erectile enhancement medication, and the ones who don’t are at the bottom of the totem pole.”
This male enhancement medication comes in the form of pills or even injections. He goes on to explain that many of these men develop a tolerance for these drugs and can no longer achieve an erection naturally, without them. And this is the industry standard.
Like former porn performer Chris Zeischegg, who had become reliant on performance-enhancing erectile dysfunction medication to continue his career like so many other male performers.
Related: Study Indicates High STD Incidence And Reinfection Among Porn Performers
“In porn, we take Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, injections. It’s very common,” Zeischegg said in an interview with Forbes. “As a result of taking those types of medications, I ended up in the hospital.” He was treated numerous times for painful, prolonged erections, and doctors warned him about long-term damage if he kept abusing the drugs.
“So I quit. The job wasn’t worth putting my health at risk. And I wasn’t the type of person who could perform in mainstream porn without pharmacological assistance. Not with such consistency,” he said.
There’s also the fact that the porn industry usually does not require actors to use protection, though they do get tested for venerable diseases every two weeks. And since condoms are not required, which means that STDs can run rampant among performers.
Some performers develop a tolerance for medications that cure these STD’s and have difficulty ever getting rid of them. Their frequent sexual activity with so many partners also increases their risk of getting human immunodeficiency virus (HIV).
3. It alters self-image for men.
Our society today has completely unrealistic expectations of what the “ideal” human body should look like. According to these standards of perfection, men are supposed to be incredibly muscular, defined, tall, and well-endowed. Manly men are supposed to have a perfectly quaffed man bun with a perfectly groomed beard. The masculine ideal has become warped and exaggerated to the point of dramatically increasing body dissatisfaction.
According to research gathered by the Australian Psychological Society, male body-image dissatisfaction has tripled in the last 15 years, going from 15% of the population to 45%. And with a near 100% exposure rate to porn, is it any wonder?
And get this: 40% of men with average-sized penises go to the urologists’ office seeking penis enlargement surgeries thinking they are too small.
It’s important to remember that the porn industry is marketed as an “entertainment” industry. It relies heavily on illusion. Consumers don’t see the physical reconstruction, the drugs, heavy editing, and the Photoshop that goes into it. Instead, consumers are left with fake, seemingly flawless people that have insatiable sexual appetites and no abnormalities or weirdly-shaped body parts.
Here’s the truth: professional porn performers have a whole team of people to make every detail look perfect, from directing and filming to lighting and makeup, maybe even a plastic surgeon or two to thank.
So how is porn able to convince guys they aren’t “big” enough?
Here’s what Urologist Aaron Spitz told the HuffPost:
“A huge problem with pornography is that, although most guys intuitively know it’s not ‘real,’ few men have any other frame of reference to compare themselves to… Unless a straight guy happens to be a urologist like me, he really has a very limited understanding of the pageantry of the penis in all its various shapes and sizes.”
Related: “No Harm In Looking, Right?” A Study Of Porn’s Impact On Self-Esteem
And let’s be real. Male performers usually have larger than average penises to begin with, and most of them have to take pills and even get frequent injections in order to maintain erections for hours on end. See how this can affect the way men see themselves, and can affect their confidence and comfort in their own sexuality?
Looking at fake things for so long can make us dissatisfied with reality, both in our partners and in ourselves. Watching unrealistic bodies doing unrealistic things can make men view themselves negatively. And how is that healthy for anyone?
4. It negatively affects their relationships.
A study showed that men’s behavior toward women changed after watching degrading sexual films. Men generally demonstrated more aggression and dominance toward with women, without showing any anxiety about how they were treating others.
Related: Study Explains Men’s Behavior Toward Women After Consuming Pornography
This negative effect of the porn industry’s degrading videos shows that pornography impacts the way men behave, but not for the better. There is more research done by Jennings Bryant and Dolf Zillman, two of the most respected pornography researchers, that shows that pornography consumers become increasingly dissatisfied with their own partners’ physical appearance, sexual performance, sexual curiosity, and affection.
Although not all porn consumers are male, the majority of people who consume porn regularly are men. That means that pornography can change how a large percentage of men view and act towards their partners, redirecting them to say and do things that they may not say and do otherwise on their own.
5. It harms male consumers’ sexual health.
It’s a fact that not everyone who consumes pornography will become addicted to it, but it’s scientifically possible for anyone to get hooked on pornography.
Addiction is a serious disease that will negatively impact most aspects of the addicted person’s life. Your dependence on the substance you are addicted to becomes more important than your schooling, your career, your relationships, and in extreme cases more than food or water.
Related: “No Harm In Looking, Right?” A Study Of Porn’s Impact On Self-Esteem
Because the majority of porn consumers are men, that means that most of the people at risk of addiction or compulsion to pornography are male. Too many men, some of whom were exposed unwittingly at a young age, are now suffering from an addiction they can’t shake that wasn’t their choice to begin with.
There is also the fact that pornography is has been known to produce porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) and porn-induced abnormally low libido. Because they have been led to more extreme pornography, they are no longer excited by ordinary sexual activity. While not life-threatening, PIED can cause serious problems in relationships and personal life.
Why This Matters
From the time they’re 11 or 12, young boys (and girls) are often exposed to the most hardcore, demeaning, humiliation-focused pornography available. They don’t know that it’s fake, or that it’s for “entertainment.”
Related: What’s The Average Age Of Someone’s First Exposure To Porn?
They’re shown the idea that men are dominators, and women need to be submissive. They’re shown videos that disregard consent, where “no” means “try harder,” or eventually turns into “yes.” They’re shown the stereotypical porn storylines where men sexually take advantage of women any chance they get, without regard for the consequences. These young boys are trained to believe that slapping, choking, gagging, punching, and forced sex are all a “fantasy” that should be enjoyable for them, even if women are hurt.
But this is not the world we want to live in, and this is not the world we want the next generation to grow up believing in. In fact, many of today’s boys are completely terrified of real-life sex and fear their first sexual encounters because of what they’ve seen in porn.
The fact is, despite what porn shows, not all men or boys fall in the broad, stereotypical, and offensive categories that these hardcore videos place them in. Many guys in our world, including the male Fighters in this movement, strive to fight for healthy relationships for themselves and others. They respect women, hold themselves to a higher standard, and have the integrity to never take advantage of anyone against their will. They are peacemakers, not abusers. They are lovers, not assailants.
And while this is all true, this is not what pornography shows the world.
The reasons stated above, and countless more, are why we believe porn isn’t helping men be the healthiest they can be, and be seen as they truly are. It’s time we speak out that sexual exploitation is not healthy for anyone, including how men are perceived.
