Pornography is often seen as an outlet for harmless fantasy, where anything goes and there are no rules about what can be depicted.
There is a general push in our culture to accept pornography as a part of a healthy sex life, and there can be harsh opposition to anyone who sees porn for the relationship harmer that it is. Considering that one survey revealed 60% of students in the UK turn to porn to learn about sex and that porn is known to affect and even change sexual tastes, the content of the pornography maybe should be something that the public cares a little bit more about.
The sad fact is, some of the most common themes we see in porn are degrading, abusive, and just plain unhealthy or unacceptable. Let’s check out just five things that are clearly risky or unhealthy in reality, but are portrayed as no big deal in porn.
1. Incest
Though incest is not taken lightly when it occurs in real life, in pornography, it is among the most popular categories.
In a survey of the most female roles in film titles, “MILF” was number two, “Daughter” was number six, and “Sister” was number 10. [1] Sex with family members is seen as a “kink” of sorts in porn, with the taboo surrounding it making it all the more tantalizing for the porn industry to exploit to no end. Though the incest displayed is fake (“fauxcest”), the concept remains the same.
Can you see how these fantasies help normalize abusive predatory and incestuous behaviors?
2. Marathon sex (with drunk strangers)
If there’s any normal and common behavior among people in their sex lives, it’s having drunken sex for hours on end with a person (or people) you don’t know. Right?
Exactly—that’s actually not something everyone does, but porn might make it seem like something that happens all the time. Not only is this scenario often dangerous, and not only does it give a risky message about consent, but at best, it is simply unrealistic to act like it’s normal, safe, legal, and common to have sex for hours with someone who can’t legally give consent.
Read more here about what consent is and why intoxicated persons cannot give consent.
3. Men ejaculating on and spitting on their partners’ bodies without consent
Another area where porn makes the uncommon seem common is in how men treat their partner during sex.
Mainstream porn includes a scene where the male performer(s) ejaculate on the female performer(s) body or face—this is sometimes called the “moneyshot.” In these videos, the females are seen as grateful for the act.
Some partners who have discussed “rougher” things prior to having sex may agree together on trying them, but this discussion and consent process isn’t what porn consumers see. Mainstream porn normalizes behaviors like spitting or peeing on your partner during sex, or strangling them, or ejaculating on their face—particularly without consent, which is never okay.
Related: 10 Things Porn Gets Completely Wrong About Real Sex
While violent and sometimes life-threatening sex acts like strangling are often talked about in pop culture as if everyone secretly loves it, this could be a misconception because of mainstream porn.
Likewise, acts such as spitting on their partner are seen frequently in today’s porn as well, even if that’s not what’s desired in bedrooms across the world. Read the reaction of one Fighter who sent us a message after her husband did this to her:
“I didn’t know how to react. He was embarrassed when he saw that he wasn’t getting the reaction he was expecting. Still not knowing what to do, I jokingly asked what he’d been watching, referring to porn. At least, I thought it was a joke. I knew he’d watched porn off and on as a young teen before we’d met, but I hadn’t imagined he’d been watching it during our relationship.”
To emphasize how these acts occurring repeatedly in porn can influence consumers, sociologist and anti-porn Dr. Gail Dines explained in her TEDx talk. She recalls an article from Details magazine that discussed how internet porn has affected teen sex: “There is an entire generation of young people who think sex ends with a moneyshot to the face.”
4. Teen students hooking up with their coaches or teachers
Even though real-life scenarios like these do unfortunately happen, it does not happen as frequently as it does in pornography. Clearly, these depicted situations blatantly encourage the fantasy of adults sexually taking advantage of minors.
Related: 10 Big Differences Between Healthy Sex And The Sex Porn Portrays
This popular theme blurs the lines of consent (no surprise in porn) by normalizing student-teacher/coach/etc. relationships and never acknowledging the idea that minors legally cannot consent to sex, and that the unequal power dynamic within a relationship such as these automatically makes consent much more difficult to discern even when all people involved are over-age.
5. “Hate sex” and gang bangs
A common side of mainstream porn is the idea of sex as “punishment.” In many cases, the depicted scenarios can absolutely be considered rape, or assault. This is normalized in porn, but not in reality.
Popular porn sites often have a “gang bang” category, even—this shows how such violent content has moved from the fringe of the industry into the spotlight.
Related: Sex Sells, But In Today’s Porn Culture, Objectification And Dehumanizing Violence Sell More
“Hate sex” can be depicted within the context of two individuals or a group of people, but no matter what, glorifying and normalizing hate and abusive sex as something included in an exciting but healthy sex life simply is dangerous.
One study even found that being exposed to significant amounts of porn though uncommon sexual behaviors (including violence) were twice as common as they actually were—suggesting that high exposure to these things normalized them for the consumers. [2] Unfortunately, we also know that when someone thinks something is normal, they are much more likely to try it, as well. [3]
Don’t be fooled by porn’s normalizations
The bottom line is, porn makes normal what is not healthy or safe in reality. Don’t buy the lies.
In healthy relationships, disrespect, hate, violence, and degradation are not as common as what you’d see in porn. Join us today in fighting for love and against the harms of pornography.
