Trigger warning: The following post contains a video that explicitly discusses issues surrounding sex, sexuality, sex acts, and pornographic scenarios. Viewer discretion is advised.
It’s no secret that porn can be an emotionally-charged issue for people on all sides of the debate.
On the one hand, we have pornographers and porn enthusiasts who believe explicit content can be helpful for sexual expression. On the other, we have couples, individuals, and families who have experienced the negative effects of porn for themselves and understand the vast majority of research that says porn can be harmful.
Either way you slice it, emotions can run high when the topic of porn is introduced. This is exactly why we’ve created a comprehensive conversation guide to talking about porn with just about anyone that can equip people with the research and helpful talking points. Click below to explore:
Recently, a popular conversation-starting YouTube channel called Jubliee did a “Middle Ground” episode with pornographers and anti-porn advocates. The point of the “Middle Ground” series is to show how polar opposite groups can find commonalities in their opinions, and see eye to eye on issues amidst disagreement.
The producers chose compelling groups to represent each side. On the pro-porn side, they invited a transgender porn producer, a pro-porn physician, and a porn actress. The anti-porn side was represented by a porn addiction recovery coach (who we’ve featured on our blog), a representative from an educational anti-porn nonprofit, and an aspiring lawyer who has experienced the negative effects of porn in relationships.
In the video, a number of controversial issues are brought up. We encourage you, rather than absorbing all the information they’re saying, to notice how they’re talking about all of these charged issues. Specifically, consider the anti-porn side’s presentation of the facts. These advocates are sharing their points, but with compassion and understanding for who they’re talking to, too. They’re addressing someone on the opposite side of the issue, but they’re still calm, cool, collected, and kind. Because of that, their information is being better received.
Trigger warning:
Here’s how the conversation went.
Trigger warning for descriptions of sexuality, sex acts, and pornographic scenarios.
To read more about issues this video brought up, check out our blogs on these various topics:
–The fantasies portrayed in porn are often toxic
–A porn habit can often escalate to darker, more extreme content
–Porn can lead to sexually compulsive or addictive behaviors
–Minors’ exposure to porn can warp their understanding of sex
–Being anti-porn means being pro-sex
–Porn fetishizes marginalized groups of people
–Porn misrepresents those in the LGBTQ+ community
–A porn habit can pave the way to attitudes of sexual entitlement
–Porn can negatively affect a consumer’s sex life
–Shame has no place in healthy conversations about porn
–Porn is not a healthy sex education resource
–Partners of porn consumers can experience hurt and betrayal trauma
–Shame hinders healthy conversations about porn and sex
–Shaming and victim-blaming porn performers are unacceptable
–Educating about sex should include lessons of pleasure and consent, something porn neglects
Consider things from their perspective—even when you don’t agree
The conversation as a whole in this video brings about an important point: in what areas can we agree with those who see porn differently than we do?
That minors shouldn’t be looking at porn, or that sex trafficking isn’t acceptable? That being pro-sex means being critical of the porn industry? There’s always common ground on which to build a conversation. What angle are they approaching the issue from, and how can you relate to them there, and help them understand your side with respectful language?
You never really understand a person until you consider things from their perspective. What context do they come from? What’s their story with porn, leading up to this moment? The conversation above is only a snapshot look into these people’s lives. While it may not be possible to know what life is really like for someone in every aspect and how that shapes their understanding of porn and its proven effects, we can try. This shift in perspective can help us see those who disagree in a more healthy, genuine way, leading to more productive conversations.
Where can you connect on a similar level with someone who is pro-porn, and let them know you’re talking to them as an equal, and someone deserving of compassion?
Being kind doesn’t mean you 100% agree, but be kind anyway
Sharing your point of view doesn’t have to lead to a heated argument, and being loving to someone doesn’t have to be conditional on an agreement. Kindness has a way of drawing people in and helping them actually think about and internalize what you’re saying. Aggression causes people to automatically go into defense mode—preventing them from processing what you’re saying and, instead, pushing them away from agreeing.
We want to emphasize that we encourage every one of our Fighters to be very clear in their conversations about porn to let the other person know they don’t judge them or see them differently if you both disagree, but that you care about their health and happiness.
Be bold in sharing the facts you’ve learned but create a space where they feel okay to be vulnerable and listen—not a battle zone.
Sharing scientific evidence changes the world
When we actually become informed, kind, persuasive Fighters who know the facts and are comfortable talking about the science behind this issue, our sphere of influence grows exponentially. We’re authoritative on this subject because we know the science, but we’re also inviting because we care about the people we’re talking to. Their health and happiness—not us being “right”—is our ultimate goal.
Join with us as we break down barriers that can keep us from connecting on a real level. Become a source others can go to when they have questions or are seeking help. Your influence could be the turning point for someone who needs to hear this message.
Resource tip: Let’s Talk About Porn
We know porn can be difficult to talk about, and that’s something we’re trying to change, as an organization. We’ve just released our newest conversation-aiding resource site, Let’s Talk About Porn. Here, you’ll be able to find all of the tips you need to successfully navigate a meaningful conversation about porn with your partner, child, sibling, parent, friend, or your neighborhood mail person (aka a stranger).
Let’s get talking about porn! Click here to start your conversation adventure.
