It’s no secret that today’s kids and teenagers are getting the majority of their sex education from porn.
According to one poll, only 43% of parents actually feel comfortable talking to their kids about sex. As a result, most kids are going to their laptops and phones to get an up-close and personal look at sex. One study suggests that approximately 45% of teens who consumed porn did so in part to learn about sex.British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/researchCopy Similarly, survey results also show one in four 18 to 24-year-olds (24.5%) listed pornography as the most helpful source to learn how to have sex.Rothman, E. F., Beckmeyer, J. J., Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2021). The Prevalence of Using Pornography for Information About How to Have Sex: Findings from a Nationally Representative Survey of U.S. Adolescents and Young Adults. Archives of sexual behavior, 50(2), 629–646. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01877-7Copy
So, as pornography has become the go-to source for sex info in society, here is what it’s teaching our generation about sex.
1. “Sex is effortless, and should feel and look great every time.”
Sex is completely natural and normal. Porn is something entirely different—it’s a manufactured product that’s as synthetic as you can possibly imagine.
Make no mistake, porn is a product sold by an industry that’s worth an estimated $97 billion dollars, globally. Pornographers have a lot to gain by driving traffic to their sites, so they dress up their product to grab your attention. That “dressing up” is exactly what makes porn so unnatural.
Related: 5 Popular Porn Categories That Are Considered Sexy Online But Are Disturbing In Reality
Professional porn actors have a whole team of people to make every detail look perfect, from directing and filming to lighting and makeup, maybe even a plastic surgeon or two to thank. With some careful editing, a typical 45-minute porn flick that took three days to shoot can appear to have happened all at once, without a break. Film the right bodies from the right angles at the right moments, edit out all the mistakes, Photoshop away any imperfections, add a catchy soundtrack, and you have something most definitely NOT like “natural” sex with “normal” people.
2. “Violence is sexy and most people enjoy it.”
Several years ago, a team of researchers studied the most popular porn films that year—the ones bought and rented most often—and analyzed them. Of the 304 scenes analyzed, 88% contained physical violence, almost always directed toward the woman. On top of that, 49% contained verbal aggression. The typical scene averaged 12 physical or verbal attacks, and one managed to fit in 128 different instances of physical and verbal aggression. What this teaches consumers is concerning, to say the least. Especially consumers who don’t watch porn for entertainment, but education.
Related: National Survey Shows Nearly Half Of Adults Think Violent Porn Is Okay
We have also compiled the disturbing stories of 10 ex-porn performers (warning: graphic) who have shared what they went through while in the porn industry, including brutal violence and having to take painkillers so they can hide the pain while filming. In what world is it okay for someone’s pain to be filmed and sold for profit? Porn teaches that hurting a partner can be fun and pleasurable, and that doing so is normal.
3. “There are no big consequences for risky sex.”
Just as harmful as the things porn shows is what it doesn’t show. Pornography doesn’t give an accurate picture of what healthy sex is like; they cut out things like talking, cuddling, bonding touch, and other ways partners are responsive to each other’s needs and preferences. They cut out things like verbal, enthusiastic consent.
Related: My Husband Has Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction & Refuses To Have Sex With Me
They also cut out the consequences of the kinds of aggressive, humiliating sex portrayed in porn. No one is shown contracting sexually transmitted infections in porn, even though countless performers are infected regularly. There are no unwanted pregnancies shown, no cervical cancer, no intestinal parasites, and no skin tearing or bruises because of rough sex. (Or if the injuries are shown, it’s to fetishize abuse.) It’s just a fantasy world of pleasure that can influence the consumer to believe that it’s healthy and normal to engage in risky, unprotected or rough sex, and nothing negative can happen as a result.
In reality, this kind of behavior is having untold negative effects on our generation.
For example, people who have seen a significant amount of porn are more likely to start having sex sooner and with more partners, to engage in riskier kinds of sex that put them at greater risk of getting sexually transmitted infections.
4. “Pleasure is all that matters in a sexual encounter.”
In porn, there’s no emotional connection, there’s no romance, there’s no conversation or commitment or awkward fumbling in the dark. This is the complete opposite of what usually happens with real sex with a committed, loving partner.
Related: When You Watch Porn, Who Is It Actually Hurting?
Leading relationship experts, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have expressed serious concern about the effects of pornography on couple relationships. They explain, “Pornography may be just such a supernormal stimulus. With pornography use, much more of a normal stimulus may eventually be needed to achieve the response a supernormal stimulus evokes. In contrast, ordinary levels of the stimulus are no longer interesting. This may be how normal sex becomes much less interesting for porn users. The data supports this conclusion. In fact, use of pornography by one partner leads the couple to have far less sex and ultimately reduces relationship satisfaction.”
So is porn really something that can enhance a couple’s sex life, or is that a lie sold by the industry and its supporters? (Hint: it’s probably the second one.)
5. “Porn is a healthy expression of our sexuality and helps you find your ‘kinks.'”
Our generation has been raised with constant internet access and always-evolving technology. Because we’ve always had such instant access to porn online, many fall into believing the myth that porn should just be an accepted part of our everyday lives.
This couldn’t be more false. Psychologists are showing what watching porn does to the brain, and neuroscientists are speaking out about how the human brain isn’t wired to handle watching limitless amounts of the hardcore porn that is so accessible today.
Check out this interview with Dr. Donald Hilton from Truth About Porn:
Pornography is harmful and research is proving it. Rather than being remembered as the generation that consumed the most internet porn, let’s be the generation that understands the facts, takes a stand, and fights for love instead.
