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3 Reasons Why Not Watching Porn is Sex-Positive

Porn is actually the definition of sex-negative. Here are three reasons that explain why not watching porn is a pretty sex-positive choice.

By February 14, 2025No Comments
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Disclaimer: Some of the organizations discussed in the following article are religiously affiliated. Fight the New Drug is a non-religious and non-legislative awareness and education organization hoping to provide access to helpful resources for those who need support. Including links and discussions about these organizations does not constitute an endorsement by Fight the New Drug.

When the term anti­-porn is thrown around, people automatically assume it is synonymous with anti-­sex, but we’re here to re-educate on why that isn’t true. Here at Fight the New Drug, we are the opposite of anti-sex. Sex is awesome. And we want everyone to know why.

In fact, because we are all about infusing more sexiness into the world, we’re raising awareness of the harmful effects of porn.

Related: 50 Good Reasons to Stop Watching Porn

Sex is natural and normal, something to be desired by everyone. Sex is an important part of committed, loving relationships. As humans, we are wired to need love, to feel loved, and we have the desire to be sexual with another person to express that intimacy.

And while that is all healthy, there is a twisted counterfeit that seeks to hijack this natural wiring: porn.

Pro-sex, anti-porn: what does it mean?

Let’s look at a breakdown of the issue in this simple list created by Educate Empower Kids:

If being anti-porn does not equal being anti-sex, then what could it mean?
Anti-porn = anti-misogyny
Anti-porn = anti-sexism
Anti-porn = anti-violence against women
Anti-porn = anti-objectification and sexual exploitation
Anti-porn = anti-human trafficking

And if being anti-porn does not equal being anti-sex, what could it mean?
Pro-sex = pro-healthy sexuality
Pro-sex = pro-intimacy
Pro-sex = pro-gender equality
Pro-sex = pro-respect
Pro-sex = pro-humanity

The fact is pornography distorts people’s perceptions of sex, intimacy, body image, sexual performance, and much more. The research on how porn affects how you view yourself, your partner, and your relationships, in general, is pretty condemning to the idea that porn “helps” your sex life. It actually hurts it in a big way.

The bottom line is that porn is actually the definition of sex-negative. Here are three reasons (among many) that explain why not watching porn is one of the most sex-positive things you can do.

Store - General

1. Anti-porn does NOT Mean anti-sex

The argument that being anti-porn must mean that you’re a sexually awkward prude doesn’t add up.

When we think about the differences between sex in real life with a real partner and the sex facade that porn sells, it makes no sense to lump anti-porn and anti-sex together. Porn is not sex, and sex is not porn.

Related: Being Anti-Porn and Pro-Sex is Not Only Possible, It’s Necessary

Dr. Gail Dines, a professor of sociology and women’s studies, has a great comeback for those who equate the anti-porn movement with being anti-sex:

To assume that if you are against pornography, you’re against sex, is to assume that anyone who criticizes McDonald’s is anti-eating… Why can’t they see that it is the same thing when it comes to pornography and sex?

Her point: porn is the worst portrayed version of sex, just like junk food is the worst form of food. Porn is cheap, unhealthy, and destructive to our perception of what sex is. Porn is collectively harming our generation’s ideas about what healthy and safe sex looks and feels like.

Dr. Dines also summed up our society’s concerning porn culture in her book, Pornland:

“In a world populated by women who are robotic ‘sluts’ and men who are robotic studs, the sex is going to be predictably devoid of any intimacy: Porn sex is not about making love, as the feelings and emotions we normally associate with such an act—connection, empathy, tenderness, caring, affection—are replaced by those more often connected with hate—fear, disgust, anger, loathing, and contempt. In porn, the man makes hate to the woman, as each sex act is designed to deliver the maximum amount of degradation.”

Related: 10 Differences Between Healthy Sex and the Sex in Porn

When has human exploitation and degradation ever been healthy and positive for our society?

Love and real relationships, however, are very positive things for our society. And recognizing the harms of porn is actually a very pro-sex stance because avoiding romanticized versions of abusive relationships can only benefit you sexually in the long run.

Fast Facts

2. Porn does the opposite of “spicing up” a relationship

Sex is an awesome part of a loving relationship. Having sex with someone you love can be one of the most freeing experiences, especially when there’s no self-consciousness, and you can be together with your partner exactly as you both are.

And while sex is natural and normal, porn is something entirely different. Make no mistake, porn is a product. Pornographers have a lot to gain by driving traffic to their sites, so they dress up their products to grab your attention. That “dressing up” is exactly what makes porn so unnatural.

This is especially concerning, considering that porn can shape the way people think about sex. Despite how unrealistic pornography is, research indicates that many young people report trying to copy porn in their own sexual encounters and that the pressure to imitate porn was often an aspect of unhealthy relationships.Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). 'Without Porn … I Wouldn't Know Half the Things I Know Now': A Qualitative Study of Pornography Use Among a Sample of Urban, Low-Income, Black and Hispanic Youth. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 736–746. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.960908Copy 1 Studies also show that increased pornography consumption is associated with the enjoyment of degrading, uncommon, or aggressive sexual behaviors.Ezzell, M. B., Johnson, J. A., Bridges, A. J., & Sun, C. F. (2020). I (dis)like it like that: Gender, pornography, and liking sex. J.Sex Marital Ther., 46(5), 460-473. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2020.1758860Copy 2 And a number of other studies also show that the sexual scripts in pornography can socialize consumers toward sexual aggression,Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., & Kraus, A. (2016). A meta-analysis of pornography consumption and actual acts of sexual aggression in general population studies. Journal of Communication, 66(1), 183-205. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/jcom.12201Copy 3 cheating,Rasmussen, K. (2016). A historical and empirical review of pornography and romantic relationships: Implications for family researchers. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 8(2), 173-191. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12141Copy 4 and risky sexual behaviors.Koletić G. (2017). Longitudinal associations between the use of sexually explicit material and adolescents' attitudes and behaviors: A narrative review of studies. Journal of adolescence, 57, 119–133. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2017.04.006Copy 5Wright, P. J., & Bae, S. (2016). Pornography and male socialization. In Y. J. Wong & S. R. Wester (Eds.), APA handbooks in psychology®. APA handbook of men and masculinities (p. 551–568). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14594-025Copy 6

Related: What Porn Performers are Really Thinking When They’re Having Sex on Camera

When someone regularly consumes porn, they can become accustomed to being aroused by the imagery and endless novelty found in porn.Bőthe, B., Tóth-Király, I., Griffiths, M. D., Potenza, M. N., Orosz, G., & Demetrovics, Z. (2021). Are sexual functioning problems associated with frequent pornography use and/or problematic pornography use? Results from a large community survey including males and females. Addictive Behaviors, 112, 106603. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106603Copy 7Hilton D. L., Jr (2013). Pornography addiction - a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective neuroscience & psychology, 3, 20767. https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767Copy 8 Pretty soon, natural turn-ons and real relationships aren’t enough, and many porn consumers find they can’t get aroused by anything but porn.Park, B. Y., Wilson, G., Berger, J., Christman, M., Reina, B., Bishop, F., Klam, W. P., & Doan, A. P. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports. Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 6(3), 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs6030017Copy 9Voon, V., et al. (2014). Neural Correlates of Sexual Cue Reactivity in Individuals with and without Compulsive Sexual Behaviors, PLoS ONE, 9(7), e102419. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0102419Copy 10

Ironically, despite porn’s promise of improving consumers’ sex lives, there is growing evidence that porn consumption is linked to sexual dysfunction. Research indicates that compulsive pornography consumption is directly related to erectile dysfunction Park, B. Y., Wilson, G., Berger, J., Christman, M., Reina, B., Bishop, F., Klam, W. P., & Doan, A. P. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports. Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 6(3), 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs6030017Copy 11 sexual dysfunction for both men and women,Bőthe, B., Tóth-Király, I., Griffiths, M. D., Potenza, M. N., Orosz, G., & Demetrovics, Z. (2021). Are sexual functioning problems associated with frequent pornography use and/or problematic pornography use? Results from a large community survey including males and females. Addictive Behaviors, 112, 106603. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106603Copy 12 problems with arousal and sexual performance,Sun, C., Bridges, A., Johnson, J. A., & Ezzell, M. B. (2016). Pornography and the Male Sexual Script: An Analysis of Consumption and Sexual Relations. Archives of sexual behavior, 45(4), 983–994. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0391-2Copy 13 difficulty reaching orgasm,Bőthe, B., Tóth-Király, I., Griffiths, M. D., Potenza, M. N., Orosz, G., & Demetrovics, Z. (2021). Are sexual functioning problems associated with frequent pornography use and/or problematic pornography use? Results from a large community survey including males and females. Addictive Behaviors, 112, 106603. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106603Copy 14 and decreased sexual satisfaction.Szymanski, D. M., & Stewart-Richardson, D. N. (2014). Psychological, Relational, and Sexual Correlates of Pornography Use on Young Adult Heterosexual Men in Romantic Relationships. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 22(1), 64–82. https://doi.org/10.3149/jms.2201.64Copy 15

Watch our interview with Gabe Deem, founder of Reboot Nation, a site dedicated to helping men “reboot” their brains and overcome porn-induced erectile dysfunction.

Gary Wilson, the author of Your Brain On Porn, said this in an interview:

“By the time they find real partners, perhaps as much as a decade later, some guys discover they have trained intensely… for the wrong sport. (These young men) had conditioned their sexual response to screens, isolation, constant novelty, shock/surprise, fetish porn, and watching other people have sex. Their erection problems with real partners resolved only months after they quit porn.”

…Talk about taking the spice right out of the relationship.

Fortify

3. Real love is sexier than a digital or abusive counterfeit

Porn is not real. It’s literally pixels on a screen made up by the exaggeration of strangers having scripted, choreographed sex who have been edited, photoshopped, and surgically altered.

There is nothing real about it. The viewer doesn’t even know porn actors’ real names, who they are as people, or how they even got there. And the actors will never know or truly care for the viewers.

Learning about sex from porn also means absorbing a lot of dangerous ideas about sexuality and women.Mikorski, R., & Szymanski, D. M. (2017). Masculine norms, peer group, pornography, Facebook, and men’s sexual objectification of women. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 18(4), 257-267. doi:10.1037/men0000058Copy 16 Research estimates that as few as 1 in 3 porn videos (33.9%) and as many as 9 in 10 videos (88.2%) portrays violence or physical aggression and that women are the targets of aggression 97% of the time.Fritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A Descriptive Analysis of the Types, Targets, and Relative Frequency of Aggression in Mainstream Pornography. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(8), 3041–3053. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy 17Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Sun, C., & Liberman, R. (2010). Aggression and sexual behavior in best-selling pornography videos: a content analysis update. Violence against women, 16(10), 1065–1085. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801210382866Copy 18

And while many people turn to amateur porn, which claims to be more natural and “ethical,” research suggests that amateur porn usually teaches the same toxic attitudes and reproduces the same false stereotypes as professionally produced porn—in fact, it’s often worse!Klaassen, M. J., & Peter, J. (2015). Gender (In)equality in Internet Pornography: A Content Analysis of Popular Pornographic Internet Videos. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 721–735. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.976781Copy 19

Related: 5 Essential Sex-Positive Traits that You Won’t Find in Porn

Another reason why some porn consumers struggle with their sexual health and understanding is because of the nature of porn itself. Porn portrays people as little more than bodies that exist for the viewer’s sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, those unhealthy perceptions can start creeping into how consumers see themselves and others in real life. For example, research has found that pornography consumption is associated with increased objectification Mikorski, R., & Szymanski, D. M. (2017). Masculine norms, peer group, pornography, facebook, and men’s sexual objectification of women. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 18(4), 257-267. doi:10.1037/men0000058Copy 20 greater acceptance of violence against women,Wright, P. J., & Tokunaga, R. S. (2016). Men's Objectifying Media Consumption, Objectification of Women, and Attitudes Supportive of Violence Against Women. Archives of sexual behavior, 45(4), 955–964. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-015-0644-8Copy 21 and actual acts of sexual violence.Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., & Kraus, A. (2016). A meta-analysis of pornography consumption and actual acts of sexual aggression in general population studies. Journal of Communication, 66(1), 183-205. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/jcom.12201Copy 22

With habitual porn consumption, it can become more difficult for consumers to see themselves and others as anything more than sexual objects, and as a result, it can be more challenging to develop and nurture real relationships.Tylka, T. L., & Kroon Van Diest, A. M. (2015). You Looking at Her “Hot” Body May Not be “Cool” for Me: Integrating Male Partners’ Pornography Use into Objectification Theory for Women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 39(1), 67–84. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784Copy 23

“There’s a certain way of experiencing sexual arousal that is the opposite of closeness,” said Dr. Gary Brooks, a psychologist who has worked with porn addicts for the last 30 years. “At best, it can be managed somewhat by some people, but most of the time, it creates a barrier that poisons relationships.”Interview with Dr. Gary Brooks, Oct. 23, 2013.Copy 24

Conversation Blueprint

Don’t buy the lies

Porn doesn’t care about its audience. Its producers’ only goal is to keep consumers returning so they can continue making money. Porn couldn’t care less if consumers ruin their lives or relationships while they sit in front of a screen and continue to buy into their toxic lies.

Related: Why Choosing Not to Watch Porn is Sex-Positive

Love is very real and much more satisfying than any synthetic version. Our brains are wired to connect with people, not with a device that cannot interact with or relate to us. Love is what makes us thrive as individuals and as a society, and love is the sexiest thing out there.

Also, it matters where you’re getting your sexual inspiration from—because you deserve better than taking from fake, abusive content.

Need help?

For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.

Fortify

Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.

Citations

1Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). 'Without Porn … I Wouldn't Know Half the Things I Know Now': A Qualitative Study of Pornography Use Among a Sample of Urban, Low-Income, Black and Hispanic Youth. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 736–746. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.960908

2Ezzell, M. B., Johnson, J. A., Bridges, A. J., & Sun, C. F. (2020). I (dis)like it like that: Gender, pornography, and liking sex. J.Sex Marital Ther., 46(5), 460-473. doi:10.1080/0092623X.2020.1758860

3Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., & Kraus, A. (2016). A meta-analysis of pornography consumption and actual acts of sexual aggression in general population studies. Journal of Communication, 66(1), 183-205. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/jcom.12201

4Rasmussen, K. (2016). A historical and empirical review of pornography and romantic relationships: Implications for family researchers. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 8(2), 173-191. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/jftr.12141

5Koletić G. (2017). Longitudinal associations between the use of sexually explicit material and adolescents' attitudes and behaviors: A narrative review of studies. Journal of adolescence, 57, 119–133. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2017.04.006

6Wright, P. J., & Bae, S. (2016). Pornography and male socialization. In Y. J. Wong & S. R. Wester (Eds.), APA handbooks in psychology®. APA handbook of men and masculinities (p. 551–568). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/14594-025

7Bőthe, B., Tóth-Király, I., Griffiths, M. D., Potenza, M. N., Orosz, G., & Demetrovics, Z. (2021). Are sexual functioning problems associated with frequent pornography use and/or problematic pornography use? Results from a large community survey including males and females. Addictive Behaviors, 112, 106603. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106603

8Hilton D. L., Jr (2013). Pornography addiction - a supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective neuroscience & psychology, 3, 20767. https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767

9Park, B. Y., Wilson, G., Berger, J., Christman, M., Reina, B., Bishop, F., Klam, W. P., & Doan, A. P. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports. Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 6(3), 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs6030017

10Voon, V., et al. (2014). Neural Correlates of Sexual Cue Reactivity in Individuals with and without Compulsive Sexual Behaviors, PLoS ONE, 9(7), e102419. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0102419

11Park, B. Y., Wilson, G., Berger, J., Christman, M., Reina, B., Bishop, F., Klam, W. P., & Doan, A. P. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports. Behavioral sciences (Basel, Switzerland), 6(3), 17. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs6030017

12Bőthe, B., Tóth-Király, I., Griffiths, M. D., Potenza, M. N., Orosz, G., & Demetrovics, Z. (2021). Are sexual functioning problems associated with frequent pornography use and/or problematic pornography use? Results from a large community survey including males and females. Addictive Behaviors, 112, 106603. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106603

13Sun, C., Bridges, A., Johnson, J. A., & Ezzell, M. B. (2016). Pornography and the Male Sexual Script: An Analysis of Consumption and Sexual Relations. Archives of sexual behavior, 45(4), 983–994. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0391-2

14Bőthe, B., Tóth-Király, I., Griffiths, M. D., Potenza, M. N., Orosz, G., & Demetrovics, Z. (2021). Are sexual functioning problems associated with frequent pornography use and/or problematic pornography use? Results from a large community survey including males and females. Addictive Behaviors, 112, 106603. doi:https://doi.org/10.1016/j.addbeh.2020.106603

15Szymanski, D. M., & Stewart-Richardson, D. N. (2014). Psychological, Relational, and Sexual Correlates of Pornography Use on Young Adult Heterosexual Men in Romantic Relationships. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 22(1), 64–82. https://doi.org/10.3149/jms.2201.64

16Mikorski, R., & Szymanski, D. M. (2017). Masculine norms, peer group, pornography, Facebook, and men’s sexual objectification of women. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 18(4), 257-267. doi:10.1037/men0000058

17Fritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A Descriptive Analysis of the Types, Targets, and Relative Frequency of Aggression in Mainstream Pornography. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(8), 3041–3053. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0

18Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Sun, C., & Liberman, R. (2010). Aggression and sexual behavior in best-selling pornography videos: a content analysis update. Violence against women, 16(10), 1065–1085. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801210382866

19Klaassen, M. J., & Peter, J. (2015). Gender (In)equality in Internet Pornography: A Content Analysis of Popular Pornographic Internet Videos. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 721–735. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.976781

20Mikorski, R., & Szymanski, D. M. (2017). Masculine norms, peer group, pornography, facebook, and men’s sexual objectification of women. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 18(4), 257-267. doi:10.1037/men0000058

21Wright, P. J., & Tokunaga, R. S. (2016). Men's Objectifying Media Consumption, Objectification of Women, and Attitudes Supportive of Violence Against Women. Archives of sexual behavior, 45(4), 955–964. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-015-0644-8

22Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., & Kraus, A. (2016). A meta-analysis of pornography consumption and actual acts of sexual aggression in general population studies. Journal of Communication, 66(1), 183-205. doi:https://doi.org/10.1111/jcom.12201

23Tylka, T. L., & Kroon Van Diest, A. M. (2015). You Looking at Her “Hot” Body May Not be “Cool” for Me: Integrating Male Partners’ Pornography Use into Objectification Theory for Women. Psychology of Women Quarterly, 39(1), 67–84. https://doi.org/10.1177/0361684314521784

24Interview with Dr. Gary Brooks, Oct. 23, 2013.

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