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From One Consumer to Another: Quit Watching Porn, It’s Not Worth It

By April 8, 2019 No Comments
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Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

The following letter was sent to us by a man who knows firsthand the harmful effects of pornography and wants to change society's perception that all men watch porn and that it's totally normal for them to do so. While this letter was written by a man specifically to other heterosexual men, the proven harms of porn do not discriminate based on gender or sexual orientation.

Okay guys, you all look at porn, right? Or at least most of you do?

It’s readily available, you can pretty much search for any fantasy, any position, any ethnicity, and boom, you’re good to go. I have done that for much of my life. It’s easy, and some even say it serves a purpose. But whose purpose? Yours?

Yes, and yours only.

Related: Men Don’t Need Porn, And It’s Demeaning To Say They Do

I have my own story, but first I want to get a few things straight. You see, porn is an extremely confusing thing to young people, but guys especially. There is an attitude about it that says “It’s okay, everyone does it,” or “Men are visual so it doesn’t mean anything,” or “It’s not like I’m really having sex with these people.” These are poisonous thoughts. These are the thoughts that fuel an industry that is ruining relationships everywhere. To open your eyes a little, let’s turn it around for a second.

Walk A Mile In Their Shoes

To the guys, if your wife or girlfriend wanted to satisfy herself while you were away, how would you feel about it? Ask yourself how you would really feel about your partner seeking satisfaction elsewhere, somewhere other than with you. Same scenario to the girls. Would you be upset? Would you consider that cheating? You probably would. I believe that cheating can be defined in many different ways.

Related: It’s Okay To Not Be Okay: What Partners Of Porn Viewers Wish You Knew

It’s time to start looking at pornography from your partner’s perspective. They don’t like it. It makes them feel insignificant, especially when they are willing to give you themselves. When your partner gives herself or himself to you, it’s out of love and because they want to be intimate. It’s very special and it should stay that way. Your selfish pleasure is not the treat you think it is. Stop thinking you are entitled to their body. When your love thinks of you looking at porn, they believe they could never compete with what you are pleasing yourself to. That’s not cool to do to your partner.

Stop thinking that just because you feel the urge to do it you can, because if the tables were turned, you wouldn’t be alright with it. Looking at porn, getting off to bodies other than your partner’s, is essentially cheating whether you want to believe it or not.

You Can’t Escape The Harm

For some of you who have been watching porn for years and years, you are rewiring your brain. I was horrified when I searched what people were saying about their partner’s disturbing porn habits. I’ve read ranging stories from people staying up all through the night to be on the computer, and others about consumers who avoid vacation with their family so they can be home alone with their addiction.

Addiction is destructive across the board, when you subscribe to using drugs, alcohol, and other things that interfere in negative ways with your home life, your job, or your relationships, it’s a major red flag that you need to stop. Porn can be majorly addicting. If you’re hiding it, finding it difficult to get pleasure from actual sex, or if it interferes with your other relationships or work, you need to start working to get it out of your life.

Related: What If We Told You Not All Men Enjoy Abusing And Humiliating Others?

I know many of you will disagree with me and that’s your prerogative. I’m confident in my message because I have witnessed firsthand how porn can ruin a relationship. I was the luckiest guy in the world. I found a woman who adored me. She used to tell me I was the one who put the moon in the sky. She was the best mom to my kids that she inherited when we got married. She is the most beautiful woman in the world to me—smart, successful, loving, and super sexy. She knows that about herself.

But I lied to my wife about pornography. I lied multiple times and she gave me multiple chances. Slowly but surely, I killed her spirit. I drove her away with my lies and deception.

The Truth Hurts

I lost the only woman I want to call my wife, because I lied about watching porn. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Imagine your partner telling you tomorrow that they are leaving and they are done with you. You would think to yourself, How could this happen, I’ve been such a great partner. I don’t cheat, I’ve never hit or hurt them, how could this be happening?

It may take some time, but eventually, the truth will hit you like a ton of bricks. At first, you may have thought it was out of nowhere, but they’ve been hurting for weeks, months, even years. Let that sink in and think about it all over again. Think about what you are doing and how it’s affecting someone who means the most to you. It’s as simple as that.

Related: When You Watch Porn, Who Is It Actually Hurting?

I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t experience it firsthand. I hope I have helped at least one of you realize that you could lose the most important thing your life. Porn kills love. Don’t lie to your partner about it, or continue to justify it to yourself. Porn should not be an option. Believe it’s not an option when you meet your partner for the first time. Be upfront about it, talk about it.

I wish I had.

– Z  

Watching Isn’t Worth It

We know that both men and women struggle with pornography, but it seems we live in a society where men are expected and even encouraged to watch porn. We need to take a step back and question this false perception of “manhood.” We must see what this harmful material is doing to individuals and their relationships.

Attached below is an open letter we once wrote specifically to men (you can read the female version by clicking here).

Our question is this: if everyone read this before entering a relationship, what kind of difference would it make?

Need help?

For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out our friends at Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your compulsive behavior, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.

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