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My Big Sister, the Porn Star: How Porn Changed Her and Our Family Forever

By April 10, 2019 No Comments
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Photo from Getty/iStock. 6 minute read.

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We received this real story from a Fighter who shows what it's like to be affected by a close relative's involvement with the industry. Her experience shines a light on the realities of what performing in porn can do to someone's .

Just as every little girl dreams of having a sister, big or little, I was no different. I was lucky enough to be born into a family with three older sisters, and one younger sister. I had the best of situations in the sister department.

Related: What It Really Costs To Be A Performer In Porn Today

One of my sisters, in particular, wished for a baby sister (me) on her 8th birthday when blowing out her candles. How great of a story to be told your whole childhood. She wished for me, was always the thought in my mind. Because of this thought, it was always my goal to live up to that wish, to be cool enough to be around my big sister. I can’t even count how many times I would lay outside her bedroom door, hoping to hear something exciting going on in her life. Or the nights I snuck in her room to crawl in her bed, because I was too scared to be alone. I remember every date she went on, every job she had, every car she drove, and every sports team she played on.

I was 11 years old when she went away to college. How devastated I was, no matter how tough I tried to act, that she moved thousands of miles and states away from me to go to school. Now I was the big sister, the one who had to be everything to my little sister that my big sister was to me.

Related: 5 Ex-Male Porn Performers Share Their Brutal Experiences Doing Porn

I remember the last time I saw her before everything changed forever. She was doing sisterly duties of teaching me the correct way to deal with pimples and take care of my skin. That is the last solid memory I have of my sister—at least, the sister that I grew up knowing.

Consider Before Consuming

The Call that Changed Everything

My younger sister and I were on a family trip with our parents when they received a phone call late at night that woke them up. They thought I was sleeping, but in fact, I was wide awake. I remember the person on the other line explaining to my parents that my big sister had been seen in the adult film industry. I remember them crying, and I remember trying to make sense of all of it in my young mind. I remember that word sticking out so clearly:

Porn.

It was the first time I had heard that word, and realized it was real life. It wasn’t just some fancy word people used, it wasn’t just some scary thing in a far-off place. It was now a word that would change my entire life. In more ways than my mind even knew at that point.

Now, my parents were being told that my sister was number one in the nation. That’s something that sounds great, right? Something everyone would want to be and every parent would want to hear. Number one. That was my sister, except in this case she had been named the porn industry’s number one “newcomer of the year.”

Money. Fame. Beauty. It all came at a cost to become number one. In that top spot, my big sister lost herself.

Related: 10 Facts And Stats You Never Knew About The Average Porn Performer

At just 19 years old, she went to a party where someone told her she was beautiful and could make a lot of money. Every day in my current profession I work with teenagers, kids whose minds are not completely formed, especially in the area of decision-making. To teens, all that matters is beauty, popularity, and money. Those three things are what teenagers thrive on. My sister was no different. She wanted to be pretty, wanted to be rich, and wanted to be popular.

But she didn’t realize the cost of it all.

People Are Not Products - Black

The Real Costs of Porn

It was fun and games for a little while, but something most people do not realize is why many of these actors and actresses are capable of doing what they do on film. My sister was constantly drugged and drinking. She truly was numb to everything going on around her.

Addiction plays a prominent role in my family. Many have had issues with alcohol, tobacco, drugs, or all of the above. Addiction is a terrible beast that controls many individuals. Now add that problem to being a part of the adult film industry and it becomes a giant beast beyond measure. Some can recover, and some, like my big sister, never truly come back.

Related: Just Because Porn Performers Do Porn, Doesn’t Mean They Like It Or Asked For It

She made more films than I even care to begin counting. She was so well-known in the adult film industry, we can’t even walk the streets of a public place without someone knowing exactly who she was.

To anyone who might think that what my sister is doing is healthy or cool… Do you think it’s funny or awesome that my sister, now the mother of some beautiful children, is in a mental hospital because she cannot deal with day to day life without fighting those demons that you saw on camera? Do you think it’s sexy that my big sister has tried to take her life numerous times, because of the belief she will never be herself again?

Related: My Mom, The Porn Star: What It Was Like To Grow Up With A Parent In Porn

I always believed my sister’s choices and her profession would never come around to affecting my life. Yet again, it was something my brain couldn’t fully comprehend. Little did I know, my own marriage would dissolve because of my sister’s profession. Little did I know my parents would age quickly because of the strain put on them to raise my nephews by themselves. Little did I know my heart would sink every time she didn’t answer my calls, for fear that she wasn’t alive anymore. Little did I know my heart was capable of breaking as many times as it has since the night of that heartbreaking phone call.

Choose to Cause Change

You see, pornography isn’t just a little thing. It isn’t just a picture on your screen, or a video you watch when you’re alone.

Pornography has become an unwanted part my life. Even without me taking any part in it, it has overtaken me. Like a cancer, pornography took my big sister. Pornography took my belief in marriage away. Pornography permanently created a disconnect in my family relationships.

Pornography is much more than a word. It is someone’s daughter or son, someone’s sister or brother, someone’s friend. More importantly, it truly is the destruction of someone else’s life. The porn industry took away who my big sister used to be.

Related: “I Thought I Was Keeping Marriages Together”: True Stories From A Former Porn Performer

You can be the change. You can make the industry grow weaker. You can choose to stop the demand. You can be the difference. Every day, we have a choice to help or to further the harm. I couldn’t save my big sister, but I believe I can help save someone else’s. Porn is the new drug in society, and hopefully one day we can encourage our kids to be free of it all. Take it seriously. Save a life. Make a difference.

– S.

Classic PKL

Why This Matters

Pornography hurts real people. It doesn’t just harm the consumer, it absolutely can hurt the performers, too. At the end of the day, porn performers are real human beings with hopes, dreams, fears, and families. As the industry grows, so do many cases of exploitation. If only the world saw these performers as human beings, how different things would be.

Porn is anything but harmless. Take it from Jessica, someone who entered the porn industry at a young age and had plenty of success during her career. It took her years to finally find the strength to get out of the industry and repair her relationship with her family.

Related Video: Jessica’s Story – My Life As A Porn Performer

Too many porn performers have been manipulated or coerced just like these women were. Some barely even make it out of the porn industry alive. But still, many have chosen to leave the industry behind and move on with their lives.

We have to change the way porn is perceived, transforming the attitude that “everybody does it” to “this is not healthy.” Because let’s face it—contributing to the abuse, degradation and exploitation of real people isn’t healthy at all. 

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