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Real Anal Sex is Very Different Than How It’s Shown in Porn

Much like other sex acts, there’s a drastic difference between how anal sex is shown in porn and how it actually is in real life.

By October 3, 2022No Comments

Much like other sex acts, there’s a drastic difference between how anal sex is shown in porn and how it actually is in real life.

Research shows that this difference is proving to be risky for porn viewers who expect reality to be like what they’ve watched—especially for teens and adolescents.Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). 'Without Porn … I Wouldn't Know Half the Things I Know Now': A Qualitative Study of Pornography Use Among a Sample of Urban, Low-Income, Black and Hispanic Youth. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 736–746. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.960908Copy  

Like other sex acts in porn, anal is portrayed in very unrealistic ways that are for entertainment more than education. Anal, though, is more unique than other ways of having sex because more serious injuries can be possible—especially if people try to mimic what they’ve seen in porn. Porn does not feature the prep work and consent discussions needed to have safe, sanitary, and comfortable anal sex experiences in similar ways that it doesn’t display many aspects of healthy romantic relationships.

Related: Oral Before Kissing: Porn Culture Has Changed Teens’ First Sexual Encounters

So much of mainstream porn is a highly-produced fantasy, which many adult viewers already know—but many absolutely don’t, especially if they’re underage or watch porn to learn about sex and explore the different types of things they want to try.Martellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J.R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M.A.H. (2016). 'I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it'. A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. London: Middlesex University. NSPCC. Retrieved from https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/1187/mdx-nspcc-occ-pornography-report.pdfCopy  In fact, results of a survey of young adults show that 1 in 4 (24.5%) listed pornography as the most helpful source to learn how to have sex.Rothman, E. F., Beckmeyer, J. J., Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Dodge, B., & Fortenberry, J. D. (2021). The Prevalence of Using Pornography for Information About How to Have Sex: Findings from a Nationally Representative Survey of U.S. Adolescents and Young Adults. Archives of sexual behavior, 50(2), 629–646. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01877-7Copy  Porn’s fantastical misrepresentation isn’t doing any favors to anyone who wants to try it for the first time or doesn’t know what they’re doing.

The popularity of anal in porn can also make many people feel like they are obligated to be open to trying it when they would otherwise be uninterested.

Ultimately, longitudinal, qualitative research has found that young people’s narratives surrounding anal sex often encourage coercion, pain, and other risky behaviors, and that they often attribute these narratives to pornography, as it can normalize sexual behaviors and attitudes.Marston, C., & Lewis, R. (2014). Anal heterosex among young people and implications for health promotion: a qualitative study in the UK. BMJ open, 4(8), e004996. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2014-004996Copy 

Let’s talk about it.

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How popular is anal porn?

Anal sex is very common and popular in mainstream porn—it was ranked as the 6th most-viewed category on Pornhub in 2021, and has remained in the top 20 most-viewed since 2016.

How is this popularity impacting real relationships?

Research shows how women, especially, report feeling pressured into it. Unfortunately, these incidents are not uncommon.

Young, heterosexual women cite various reasons for trying anal sex—pleasure, curiosity, pleasing a male partner, and coercion among them. But what’s particularly worrisome is that about 25% of women with anal sex experience report they’ve been pressured into it at least once, according to Britain’s the National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyle.

Related: Teens Watch Porn to Learn About Sex—This Is What Porn Teaches Them

According to an article in the British Medical Journal, many women who are having anal sex with men are facing injuries and other health problems—including bleeding, pain, bodily trauma, sexually transmitted infections, incontinence, and the psychological aftermath of the coercion often involved.

Researchers add that women who have anal sex are at a greater risk of injury compared to men:

“Increased rates of fecal incontinence and anal sphincter injury have been reported in women who have anal intercourse… Women are at a higher risk of incontinence than men because of their different anatomy and the effects of hormones, pregnancy, and childbirth on the pelvic floor… The pain and bleeding women report after anal sex is indicative of trauma, and risks may be increased if anal sex is coerced.”

In one extreme case, a 16-year-old from Australia now suffers from life-altering injuries after porn-inspired group sex. Her bowels were so damaged that she’ll need to use a colostomy bag for the rest of her life.

The impact of teens watching porn to learn about sex

Anal sex is becoming more common among heterosexual couples, and has moved from the world of pornography alone to mainstream media.

The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles in Britain shows participation in heterosexual anal sex increased from 12.5% to 28.5% among 16-24 year olds over the past few decades. Trends in the United States are similar, where 30-44% of men and women report having experienced anal sex.

But the problem is, it’s portrayed in porn as an exclusively pleasurable experience with little to no discussion of the preparation or risks—and it’s not always known that engaging in what porn shows in regards to anal sex can cause serious or painful consequences.

The fact is, teens watch porn to learn about sex. And what porn is teaching them is that violent—and often forced—anal sex is normal, pleasurable, and acceptable.

According to a national survey of U.S. teens, an estimated 84.4% of 14-18 year old males and 57% of 14-18 year old females have viewed porn.Wright, P. J., Paul, B., & Herbenick, D. (2021). Preliminary insights from a U.S. probability sample on adolescents’ pornography exposure, media psychology, and sexual aggression. J.Health Commun., 26(1), 39-46. doi:10.1080/10810730.2021.1887980Copy  One study showed that approximately 45% of teens who consumed porn did so in part to learn about sex,British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFC. Retrieved from https://www.bbfc.co.uk/about-classification/researchCopy  and another study showed that 44% of boys who watched porn reported that online pornography gave them ideas about the type of sex they wanted to try.Martellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J.R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M.A.H. (2016). 'I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it'. A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. London: Middlesex University. NSPCC. Retrieved from https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/1187/mdx-nspcc-occ-pornography-report.pdfCopy 

So what’s the big deal about so many teens watching porn or using it to model their own sexual experiences? Well, the research is clear—porn harms young people, especially when it comes to how they view sex and relationships.

Porn can be extremely toxic and unrealistic, yet survey results show that 53% of boys aged 11-16 and 39% of girls aged 11-16 believe that porn is a realistic depiction of sex.Martellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J.R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M.A.H. (2016). 'I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it'. A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. London: Middlesex University. NSPCC. Retrieved from https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/1187/mdx-nspcc-occ-pornography-report.pdfCopy 

Porn perpetuates sexual misinformation, unrealistic expectations, and blatantly incorrect ideals about sex. Another study from 2021 suggests that pornography is making young people more sexually illiterate.Wright, P. J., Tokunaga, R. S., Herbenick, D., & Paul, B. (2021). Pornography vs. sexual science: The role of pornography use and dependency in U.S. teenagers’ sexual illiteracy., 1-22. doi:10.1080/03637751.2021.1987486Copy 

Simply because something is common in porn—like overly-aggressive anal sex—doesn’t mean its actually realistic or healthy. Consent isn’t a priority in porn. In fact, lack of consent is often an intentional part of the storyline.

Related: Longitudinal Study Links Porn Consumption to Sexual Victimization Among Teen Girls

And just as concerning as what porn shows is what it doesn’t show—mutual consent, open communication, respect, boundaries, or consequences for the kinds of sex portrayed in porn. In porn, no matter how rough a person treats their partner, nearly everything looks like it feels good.

As one 17-year-old female student said, “What shocked me is how those females can take anal sex. I tried it once. I seen how the woman and stuff is so—they look like they get an orgasm from it. But when I tried it, I was so stunned, like, I ended up getting ibuprofens and stuff because I was in so much pain.”Rothman, E. F., Kaczmarsky, C., Burke, N., Jansen, E., & Baughman, A. (2015). 'Without Porn … I Wouldn't Know Half the Things I Know Now': A Qualitative Study of Pornography Use Among a Sample of Urban, Low-Income, Black and Hispanic Youth. Journal of sex research, 52(7), 736–746. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2014.960908Copy 

Many young people are engaging in sexual acts they don’t really want to for reasons that, in many cases, are influenced by porn. Many assume this is just how things are and asking for or expecting better treatment would be unreasonable, or that it would be rude not to go along with whatever their partner wants.

On the flip side, many may innocently assume that as long as both partners consent, no harm can be done. But what if their ideas about sex are porn-influenced and so both partners don’t fully understand what they’re agreeing to, or how to engage in it safely?

Millennials and Gen Z are the first generations to have entered puberty with easy access to online porn—and the studies above have illustrated how they’re using porn as an instruction manual, or a standard to hold their partners to in some cases.

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The social pressure to consent to anal

Studies show that people who consume porn can be far more likely to believe that dangerous sex acts are more common than their non-porn-consuming peers. Why? Likely because that’s what they’ve seen in porn, and images can be powerful teachers.

The Times in the UK recently published an article on anal sex among straight people, noting that young women are under increasing pressure to consent to it:

“Among the heterosexual people interviewed, anal sex went from being a whispered desire or fear to carrying with it a unique shame. Interestingly, that shame was levied against the women who didn’t want to do it.”

Related: 16-Year-Old Suffers Life-Altering Injuries After Porn-Inspired Group Sex

Some argue that, without a prostate, females are not physically equipped to enjoy anal sex in the same way males do. One 2015 study found that the vast majority of women report that it is painful and the vast majority of men know this, but many pressure their partners into it regardless.Herbenick, Debby & Schick, Vanessa & Sanders, Stephanie & Reece, Michael & Fortenberry, J. (2015). Pain Experienced During Vaginal and Anal Intercourse with Other-Sex Partners: Findings from a Nationally Representative Probability Study in the United States: Pain During Intercourse. The journal of sexual medicine. 12. 10.1111/jsm.12841.Copy 

For some men, it seems that the pain is actually the point—given the popularity of porn featuring aggressive anal penetration that often leaves female performers with serious injuries.

But why is nonconsensually inflicting pain during sex so acceptable? Does this have anything to do with what’s shown in porn?

Consider that a 2010 study in which researchers analyzed more than 300 popular porn scenes found that 88% contained physical aggression, overwhelmingly committed by men against women.Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Sun, C., & Liberman, R. (2010). Aggression and sexual behavior in best-selling pornography videos: a content analysis update. Violence against women, 16(10), 1065–1085. https://doi.org/10.1177/1077801210382866Copy  And a 2021 study that analyzed porn titles alone, 1 out of every 8 titles suggested to first-time users on porn sites described acts of sexual violence.Vera-Gray, F., McGlynn, C., Kureshi, I., & Butterby, K. (2021). Sexual violence as a sexual script in mainstream online pornography. The British Journal of Criminology, doi:10.1093/bjc/azab035Copy 

The risks of copying what’s shown in porn

Clearly, there’s an urgent need for better education for young people who see violent, mainstream porn as their main source of information when it comes to sex.

Several studies show that teen girls who consume porn tend to copy behaviors seen in porn, and are more likely to engage in anal sex compared to female peers who do not consume porn.Maas, M. K., Bray, B. C., & Noll, J. G. (2019). Online Sexual Experiences Predict Subsequent Sexual Health and Victimization Outcomes Among Female Adolescents: A Latent Class Analysis. Journal of youth and adolescence, 48(5), 837–849. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-019-00995-3Copy 

A qualitative study conducted in the UK including 130 men and women ages 16-18 found that anal heterosex often appeared to be painful, risky, and coercive—particularly for women.Marston, C., & Lewis, R. (2014). Anal heterosex among young people and implications for health promotion: a qualitative study in the UK. BMJ open, 4(8), e004996. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2014-004996Copy 

Those interviewed frequently cited pornography as the “explanation” for anal sex. Other elements included competition between men, the idea that “people must like it if they do it” (although there was also a seemingly contradictory expectation that it will be painful for women), and normalization of coercion and “accidental” penetration. It seemed that men were expected to persuade or coerce reluctant partners.

In short, the UK study concluded that young people’s narratives normalized coercive, painful and unsafe anal sex with heterosex.

It’s important to note that what’s particularly concerning is not necessarily the act of anal sex itself, but rather the harmful attitudes and behaviors that porn normalizes in regards to anal sex.

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But what about the people who actually enjoy anal?

Everyone deserves to consensually explore their sexual interests, free from the influence of porn.

Of course, it’s possible to participate in anal sex with no issues or injuries, and we’re not here to make any judgment on adults’ personal, mutually consenting sexual choices.

All the same, quality knowledge of the subject beforehand—not porn-inspired information about sex of any kind—is crucial to do it safely.

Let’s be very clear—there are plenty of people of all genders who enjoy various sexual acts, including anal. The warnings of anal sex risks by medical professionals is in no way intended to be “kink-shaming” for people with particular sexual tastes or of any sexual orientation. Neither is it meant to criticize those who choose not to engage in anal sex as “vanilla” or “prudish.”

The topic of concern, here, is that young people are growing up in a culture where violent, porn-scripted sex is not only fantasized as normal, but expected.

Related: Nearly 1 in 5 Sexually Active Teens Have Asked or Been Asked to Copy Porn, Study Finds

In a culture that doesn’t have healthy, honest, and shame-free discussions about porn and sex anyway, too often, it’s “taboo” to discuss acts so commonly portrayed in porn. This is true for sex acts like anal, and how porn shows anything but healthy, safe, realistic practices.

No matter the sex act, health professionals recommend listening to your body, and stopping if it hurts. Too often, porn portrays a “take what you want whenever you want it, regardless of the other person’s safety or wishes” mindset that is unsafe and not always consensual.

In fact, in porn, the more violent and coercive the sex, the “sexier” and more desirable the content. There’s a reason why “painal,” or “painful anal,” is its own category on many porn sites.

Let’s talk about it

Researchers warn that a general reluctance to discuss anal sex is letting down a lot of young people—particularly young women—who may be unaware of the risks.

Surgeons and researchers Tabitha Gana and Lesley Hunt say that as anal sex continues to become more common among heterosexual couples, failure to talk about it “exposes women to missed diagnoses, futile treatments, and further harm arising from a lack of medical advice.”

They continue, “It may not be just avoidance or stigma that prevents health professionals talking to young women about the risks of anal sex. There is genuine concern that the message may be seen as judgmental or even misconstrued as homophobic. However, by avoiding these discussions, we may be failing a generation of young women, who are unaware of the risks.”

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“With better information, women who want anal sex would be able to protect themselves more effectively from possible harm, and those who agree to anal sex reluctantly to meet society’s expectations or please partners, may feel better empowered to say no.”

Open, non-judgmental, shame-free conversations are key in helping individuals make informed choices about anything—including and especially sex.

Related: 10 Differences Between Healthy Sex and the Sex in Porn

Consider that porn is anything but healthy sex education, and engaging in anal sex when the only instruction one has received is from porn can be especially risky.

You deserve better than porn setting the standards or boundaries for your relationships. The harmful scripts fantasized in porn have become a painful reality for too many people who realize that porn is entertainment, not education, and not everything portrayed is safe or consensual.

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