Here at Fight the New Drug, we base our resources strictly off of facts and research to show the harm pornography can cause in consumers, relationships, and society. However, while numbers speak volumes, we know that there is great power in the words of others. That’s why we rely on anecdotal evidence to say what numbers can’t; to explain through stories the struggles and successes of those who have felt porn’s effects in their lives.
As #NoPornovember kicks off this week, we are putting a spotlight on these experiences to help support the skeptics, the concerned, and the “I need help” group.
We’re sharing selected parts from over 10 personal accounts of consumers that have struggled with porn and say this upon seeking professional help; they reveal porn is far from harmless, on a personal level and in relationships. Don’t forget that this challenge applies to both men and women who struggle—the harms of porn do not discriminate.
Porn hits home: how XXX content affects consumers’ minds and bodies
Porn consumers often report that porn leaves them lonely, disgusted, or even filled with self-hatred. Here are just a few comments from people we recently sat down and talked with about self-esteem and shame spiral issues that porn can fuel:
“Since I’ve become a porn addict, my life is worse. I’m more anxious and I feel more depressed.” -K.
“When I consume pornography, I feel lonely, ashamed, miserable…I feel like scum.” -I.
“I crave more and more porn, and constantly new and more extreme. Honestly, at times I’m disgusted with what I end up watching. It’s something I try and stop myself from consuming, but when I get the craving and anxiety to watch it, it’s as if nothing around me matters…It’s changed my tastes and sexual preferences, even though it’s all fake and always behind a computer screen.” -A.
“I’m a compulsive porn consumer… Among other things, being addicted has implied energy loss, stress, dependency, and other physical problems and depression. I don’t feel capable of getting out of this pit on my own, and I’ve been trying to overcome this battle with porn for over two years.” -T.
Whether you or someone you know is struggling with porn, it’s so important to treat yourself or him/her with openness and kindness. In fact, reaffirming the shame felt is actually the worst thing we can do.
Porn also affects us in how we relate to others. Hear these consumers’ testimonies about porn’s influence in their emotional and sexual health:
“I feel incapable of finding a romantic partner. No one is attracted to me because I give up on everything I start, and I’m sad. I don’t feel attractive. I don’t feel capable of building a solid romantic relationship.” -P.
“When I have real sex, I can’t have firm erections that last.” -A.
“I have a problem with porn. I have a lot of issues in my life because I’m unhappy, and I only see problems in my studies, sex life, and my social life.” -H.
“Being a porn addict has changed the way I think about women. For example, when I see a good-looking girl, I see her as an object. I start to imagine what it would be like to have sex with her. This makes me feel terrible. I’m unable to talk to classmates that are girls without feeling anxiety. I try to look away, but my thoughts win out.” -O.
Porn’s problems aren’t self-contained: How relationships take the hit
See, consuming porn doesn’t just affect the consumer alone. From the moment it is produced to even after the moment consumers close out of a porn site, porn’s reach is endless. Performers, consumers and society all are impacted by porn. However, as negative as that is, it’s often the people closest to the consumers who take the biggest hit.
Listen to what these consumers had to say regarding the effects of their porn habits within their relationships:
“I recognize I have a problem with porn…My wife found explicit images on my phone, and from the bottom of my heart I just want to be free of the chains porn has on me. I need professional help…I can’t do it alone.” -T.
“Not too long ago my partner left me because of my porn addiction.” -R.
“I have felt crushed and devastated ever since I found out. I feel like I can never trust her when I leave her alone. I don’t know what to do anymore.” -C.
Whether you, your partner, or your friend struggles with porn, support is key. These real personal experiences reveal the sad realities that the producers’ camera rarely does. The fallout from porn can cause relationship problems, and cause lasting pain and hurt for all people in the partnership.
What do the experts have to say?
We sat down with Madrid psychologist and sexologist Maria Contreras, who offered some of her experience in treating patients struggling with porn.
She says that those who struggle to give up porn often give these following reasons why they kept continuing the cycle of going back to it:
-To avoid dealing with uncomfortable or sad emotions
-To help their partner and sex life
-Out of boredom
-Just to feel pleasure
-To improve their sex knowledge and skills
-To deal with or overcome personal problems
-Because everyone does it
-To escape from reality
-When they feel sad, down, or lonely
-Out of habit
For those struggling with compulsion or even addiction, she offers these questions to guide a reflection about their consumption:
What does consuming give you or do for you? What is it you’re after? What motivates you?
Do you find satisfaction? What benefit do you gain?
What would happen if you stopped consuming? How would you feel? How would your life change? Would it improve in some way? Would it get worse in some way? Would you find a void or emptiness?
What is your goal when you consume porn?
Do you think you’d gain anything if you stopped consuming?
Get help and discover that there is hope
This #NoPornovember, we want to offer more resources, give more support, and fight harder for love than we ever have before. We want to provide the resources you need if you are struggling, and by shining a spotlight on using personal experiences and science, show that you are not alone and you can get help.
To do that, check out our friends at Fortify, an incredible recovery platform specially designed to give users a supportive and helpful community while they break the cycle of going back to porn. We’ve also designed a thorough and comprehensive platform, made to help you navigate conversations of all types, no matter the relationship type.
We want to change the conversation about porn, and have it be one of respect, kindness, and love. We’re making the first move to impact change, and inviting you to join us in the process. You with us?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out our friends at Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your compulsive behavior, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.