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“They Raped Me at Gunpoint”: True Stories from a Former Escort and Porn Performer

By September 19, 2019 October 10th, 2019 No Comments
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TRIGGER WARNING

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We recently received a personal story from a woman who is a former porn performer and escort. Her experience sheds light on how violence and abuse saturate the porn industry, even though XXX content is so glamorized in our culture.

I got into the industry at the age of 22.

My very first agent told me I would make a better escort, so I started seeing clients as well. A few weeks later I flew to NY for a “hardcore scene.” My agent didn’t elaborate on hardcore, just emphasized it was money. I was beaten, given a black eye, and sodomized with a baseball bat. I wasn’t allowed to end the scene unless I wanted a pay cut. I finished all right—but was forever scarred. I ended up in the ER a few weeks later with lacerations in my anus. The doctor told me to stop putting things in my behind.

Little did he know what would happen next.

Related: This Anonymous Performer’s Reddit Post About The Realities Of The Porn Industry Is Chilling

I was threatened by agents that attempted to rape me; I was raped at gunpoint by people I met from in the industry. I went from being a heavy drinker to shooting up coke, heroin, and meth. I was taken advantage of from men offering me scenes after I had sex with them—only to never get the contract. I had an agent leave me in a house by myself for a month straight in Fort Lauderdale, with no money or food to feed myself. I later found out he was on meth and had no intention of returning.

Despite all this, I didn’t even leave the industry willingly. Not, at least, for a while.

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I was dubbed a flake from all the drugs. I began hanging out with bad people. I got into some criminal activities and had to leave for safety concerns. I have not shot a scene since Jan 2015. The PTSD and void I felt from the sudden loss of attention messed with my head for years. I was in and out of pysch wards, rehabs, detoxes, and halfway houses.

RelatedThe Harsh Reality Of Sexual Exploitation And Trafficking In Pornography

I finally got clean in April 2016, and have been clean ever since.

I am now a mentor to sex trafficking victims. I sponsor women in addiction. I got married and had a baby boy, and I’m also currently a junior at a state university. Despite all the things I endured, I persevered. I have not watched porn for over a year, as well. My husband and I both agree it’s not for us. Plus, how can I watch other girls suffering on camera just like I did, with the same sets, same cameramen and producers, same agents promoting the same lie, over and over? Same scene, different face. Sadly, same result.

I’ve finally decided I want to help and make a difference. I’m not comfortable sharing my name at this time, but any way I can be of service to this movement, I’m willing. Thank you for letting me share my story.

-S.

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What if we told you her experience in the porn industry isn’t isolated?

This woman’s story may not mirror every single porn performer’s in the industry, but her experiences are much more common than they are rare.

Would you support a business if you knew that they abused some (but not all) of their employees? Pornographers don’t want you to think about it, but even if some of the humiliation, degradation, and sexual violence you see in porn is consensual, some is not.

RelatedThe Harsh Reality Of Sexual Exploitation And Trafficking In Pornography

Think about this: how do we know for sure that anyone in any porn content gives their consent for what happens to them? How do we know for sure they ended up on screen without any form or degree of fraud, force, or coercion?

Defenders of pornography make this argument all the time, that no matter how someone is treated in porn, it’s okay because they gave their consent. But what if he didn’t? What if she really didn’t want to be painfully dominated, humiliated, and sexually used for the world to see? The truth is, there’s often much more going on than what you see on the screen. That is, perhaps, the porn industry’s biggest, darkest secret: it’s not all consensual.

Normalizing Abuse Isnt Normal

The question of consent

In porn, the question of consent can be tricky (and the growing phenomenon of amateur porn makes it even trickier).

For example, if one of the participants doesn’t know there’s a camera running, then the porn is not consensual, even if the sex is. Right? What if a person consented to be filmed, but not to have the film shown to anyone else? What if someone manipulated their partner into being filmed in the first place, like making him or her worry that they’d blackmail them if they didn’t cooperate? Or what if a person agreed to have sex, but in the middle, their partner suddenly started doing something that the person who initially gave consent didn’t expect? Did he or she still give consent?

The point is, when you consume porn, there’s no way to know what kind of “consent” the actors have given. You can’t assume, just because someone appears in a porn video, that they knew beforehand exactly what would happen or that they had a real choice or the ability to stop what was being done.

Related: The Porn Industry Isn’t Just Selling Sex, It’s Selling Violent Abuse Of Women

We’re not claiming that all porn is non-consensual. We’re simply pointing out that some of it is and some of it isn’t, and when you watch it there’s no way to know which is which.

So, would you buy from a company if you knew that some, but not all, of their products were made with child labor? Would you support a store that abused some, but not all, of their employees?

How can it be ethical to say that “porn is okay because participants give their consent,” when we know for a fact that some—probably much more than you think—do not?

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