Cover image credit to iStock. 4-minute read.
Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
My name is Austin, and I was a producer for the fetish porn industry.
Back in September of 2018, my girlfriend at the time, her best friend, and I started a fetish porn site. It was something that at first was exciting, and the fruits of our labor were plentiful! We literally created a business from the ground up, had income coming in that paid for some of our bills, developed relationships with customers, and had something that seemed to be really winning….at the time.
Here is the “but” though. What once started off as a great thing, so we thought, was something that down the road ended my relationship, put me in debt, and turned me into a person that I was not.
“Never get high on your own supply”
There is a saying that drug dealers say: “Never get high on your own supply.” Well….I was getting high on mine.
I became so involved and obsessed with this business that it was taking over every part of my life. I discovered that I was developing the “fetish.” I was letting it dictate everything I did. I alienated my girlfriend so I could either shoot, edit, or talk to customers. I was always editing and watching content, and more and more, I developed an obsession.
Related: VIDEO: 5 Popular Ex-Porn Performers Who Are Now Anti-Porn
I was more fixated with the serialization of how many more girls we were going to get on the site than paying my bills or just doing something as simple as spending time with my girlfriend and watching Netflix. I had become the very person that I was selling this stuff to.
After the break-up
Cut to several months later…
My girlfriend of over a year and a half and I split up, I was homeless, and I could barely keep myself afloat. I eventually had some steering into the right position by people who loved me and helped me but I was still giving into what had become an addiction.
I was hiring more girls than ever to shoot with, making as much content as I could, and fooling myself into thinking this was going to replace my relationship and life before the break-up. Well, here’s a little new flash—I was dead wrong.
Related: Just Because Porn Performers Do It, Doesn’t Mean They Like It Or Asked For It
About 3 months after the break-up, everything got so bad that I decided one night to try and take my own life. But after the horrors of that night, I seemed to have woken up and I clearly saw everything that I was letting happen to me.
I saw the person I was becoming and noticed how I was becoming what I was feeding. With friends and family (and a little self-respect) I made the decision to turn things around. I cut all ties with the models I was shooting with (including my ex) and deleted all contact with customers. I had the site shut down and blocked any access to it and any other forms of sexual content on the internet or any other platform.
I was taking my life back.
New beginnings and steps forward
Just a couple of nights ago, one of my best friends and I went out to a bridge here in the town I live in. We took the camera that created and produced all of this darkness and hurled it off the bridge into the water, never to be seen again.
Related: 10 Ex-Porn Performers Share Their Most Disturbing Stories From Within The Industry
All of this is still relatively fresh, but I’ve felt a weight taken off my shoulders that I’ve never felt before!
I now feel like I can focus on the goals and relationships that will be beneficial in life, and will no longer let this terrible thing take hold of me. Everyone can do this! Believe me, you are not alone! And if we can rise together, we can rebel against the empire that is the porn industry. We can fight the fight and win the war. I know I have, for myself.
I’m here to tell you to choose love, not porn. It’s never worth it.
–Austin
Why this matters
Help share the message that pornography hurts real people. Let’s humanize those who are involved in its creation so that fewer consumers find it appealing.
Related: Ex-Porn Star Confesses Hardships Of Life After Leaving The Industry (VIDEO)
If you’re a consumer, consider this story and the reality of what the porn industry does to real lives. Let’s work to change the way porn is thought of in our society, transforming the attitude that “everybody uses it” to “it’s just not cool” in ways similar to anti-smoking campaigns. We can do it. Together, our voices are loud.
