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So you want to quit watching porn?
If you have a porn habit but find yourself wanting a way out, you’re not alone. Maybe you found it for the first time on accident, years ago, when you were browsing the internet. Or maybe you found it in your parents’ room as a kid, and that jumpstarted an obsession.
Regardless of how much this habit has become something you’re trying to get control of, we think it’s important for everyone to know the facts about the realities of pornography as one of the first steps to ditching it for good.
Including its addictive or compulsive potential.
Not everyone is addicted
Let’s get one thing out of the way right up front—even if you habitually view porn, you may not be addicted to it.
There’s a spectrum, here. Just like not everyone who abuses alcohol is necessarily an alcoholic, not every habitual porn consumer falls into the “addict” category. Even if you view it compulsively, that still might not count as an “addiction.”
According to the American Society of Addiction Medicine, addiction is “a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory, and related circuitry.” It’s a disease, not just a problem, so it will be as such, in a specific manner. Just think if every person that had one drink of alcohol was treated as an alcoholic—there would be a serious problem. This is why it’s important to know where you stand, and from there, you can figure out how best to move forward.
To learn more about the science of porn addiction, read this article.
And if you’re not sure where you fall on the spectrum, there are mental health professionals you can talk to. Know that there is no substitute for talking to a licensed mental health professional who can help you navigate this issue.
The spectrum of compulsion
Many people are completely unaware of the proven harms of pornography and go for years without realizing how it’s affecting them.
Like we said before, you may not have even chosen to be exposed to porn in the first place. Statistically, it’s very likely that you fall in that category, and you first discovered it while you were just a kid, and now you’re fighting a habit that you’ve developed over the years.
Based on available data, the likely age of a child’s first exposure to porn is around tween years. The majority of kids are exposed to porn by age 13, with some exposed as young as seven, according to a 2020 survey.British Board of Film Classification. (2020). Young people, pornography & age-verification. BBFCCopy
But no matter how young, these incidents aren’t isolated cases, and it’s not like early porn exposure only happens to a small slice of people—in fact, in the United States, it happens to almost everybody before they leave their teens. A nationally representative estimate of U.S. youths (ages 14 to 18) exposed to pornography: 84.4% of males and 57% of females.
As our affiliates over at the Fortify Platform have talked about, no matter where you are on the spectrum—from habit to obsession to addiction—if you believe you have some kind of an issue with pornography and you want to ditch it for good, you’ll need an action plan for starting your fight.
You might have heard our organization’s slogan: Porn Kills Love. You might know how much pornography can hurt your self-worth and your relationships and that it can distort the idea of love and healthy sexuality. You have probably heard that it feeds the demand for human trafficking and know the physical and emotional damage you can do to yourself and others because of porn.
And with all of that, you may have decided that you don’t want to watch it anymore, which is awesome, but you have no idea how to stop.
So now what? How do you even get started?
Where to begin?
Here are some things you can do right now to get started if you’re deciding to ditch porn for good:
Breathe. Don’t panic. Try to get rid of the negative, shaming thoughts that will hold you back. Take a deep breath and remember that the fight is a marathon, not a sprint. Slow down, focus, and pace yourself. You can do this. You are not a bad person for having this struggle.
Evaluate the reasons you watch pornography. Frequently, a porn obsession is not actually just about satisfying a sexual need. Instead, it usually has to do with a failure to cope properly with overwhelming emotions or pain and seeing porn as an escape from that.
So, why do you watch it? What emotions are you feeling before you do? Is it loneliness? Depression? Anxiety? Do you feel like there is too much in your life that is out of your control?
Figuring what leads you to watch porn can help an incredible amount. When you really understand it, then you can work on coping properly. Read this article for more information on how uncovering what leads you to porn can be key in defeating the desire.
Believe you can get help. It can be so easy to believe you are beyond help or that you don’t deserve it, but that is so far from the truth. There are a ton of ways you can get help, and whole communities with platforms like Fortify or Reboot Nation that will support you every step of the way. No one is beyond help, and you deserve love and support.
Tell someone you trust. You don’t have to go through this alone. One of the best ways to get help is to turn to someone who you can trust. People might not always respond perfectly, but you are going to need some people who are aware of what’s going on so they can help you. Just talking about these issues can make you feel supported as well as getting rid of some of the burden that comes with carrying this isolating issue. Read this article to learn how to go through the steps of disclosure.
Consider therapy and support groups. Just like if you have weak knees, you might consider physical therapy to strengthen them, similarly, if your mind needs strengthening when it comes to resisting pornography, you should consider going to therapy to learn how to condition it. Remember, there is no substitute for mental health help.
Support groups can also be helpful to know that you aren’t the only one dealing with quitting addictive habits or behaviors. Opening up can be difficult, but keeping it all to yourself can lead you more into loneliness and isolation, which only feeds porn habits.
If you’re ready to find a strong virtual support group, Relay can help! They make it easy to find a virtual support system so you can make progress alongside peers who get it. Get connected with a supportive group, find accountability without the shame, and get immediate responses in those moments of need. Try Relay today at ftnd.org/relay.
Join the movement. Becoming a Fighter allows you to join over one million of other people all over the world that have chosen to be strong, open-minded, accepting, bold, rebellious, real, understanding, and encouraging by choosing real love over porn. Be proud to be part of a community that believes in love. You can rep the movement with some of our awesome conversation-starting merch from our store and even book an event to help spread the word. Or, you can start by reading through some of the over 1,000 published articles on our blog.
Educate yourself. There are dozens of amazing anti-sexual exploitation and porn-fighting organizations out there. Check out our blog, or academic resources like our Fast Facts about porn or research database Truth About Porn. You can also watch our three-part documentary series for FREE called Brain, Heart, World. There is hope in education and awareness.
Why this matters
We fight because we believe everyone deserves to live their best, healthiest life possible, and that includes being aware and understanding how pornography can take away from real-life experiences and healthy relationships—including the healthy relationship you have with yourself.
In the end, pornography can detract from all the great things life has to offer, and viewers deserve to know the truth: watching isn’t worth it.
Need help?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.
Start recovering with a virtual support system
Recovering from porn can feel isolating, but it doesn't have to. Relay makes it easy to find a virtual support system so you can make progress alongside peers who get it.
Relay is the #1 group-based program for overcoming pornography use, expertly designed to find you a strong support system so you can stay connected and accountable. Joining any support group is usually a big leap, but with Relay, getting started is a lot less complicated and intimidating. Their matching technology intelligently pairs you with 4-8 other similar individuals based on just a few factors so you can start healing with help from a tight-knit virtual group.
Get connected with a supportive group, find accountability without the shame, and get immediate responses in those moments of need.
Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.
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