Watching porn on a habitual basis is more than common for both men and women—because pornography isn’t just a guy issue—who find themselves single on a Saturday night.
What is common is the misconception that pornography is just a personal habit that doesn’t affect those around you, but that is simply not the case. Even a casual porn habit can cause major dysfunction in romantic relationships, like feelings of betrayal or infidelity, no matter their length or maturity.
Despite what our porn-obsessed culture may tell you, choosing to reject porn entirely can actually help boost your dating success. And if it doesn’t actively help, it definitely won’t hurt. Don’t believe us? Check these tips out.
Related: Has Our Culture’s Obsession With Porn Changed Dating Expectations?
1. Get outside of your comfort zone
It should be common knowledge—if you want to see change around you, you yourself have to be willing to change.
Getting into, and staying in a rut, no matter the subject matter, can be a slow but sure way to inhibit success. If you want to be the healthiest you can be, you’ve got to stop eating Twinkies and not exercising. If you want to meet new people, you’ve got to take a bit of a risk and go out to meet new people.
Clicking deeper into your all-time fav porn site can seem like a way to kick back and relax from a long day, but this time and energy-draining habit can be a roadblock to having the drive to putting yourself out there and scoping out the market. See how that works? Be the change you want to see, and see change in return.
2. Stick to reality, ditch the fantasy
Missing having someone to laugh with and hold? Watching exaggerated sex acts on a screen is hardly the way to truly fuel your natural, hardwired sexual desires.
Related: How Do I Talk About Porn For The First Time With Someone I’m Dating?
It’s true that instant gratification is a huge thing in today’s society, but training your brain (and your body, for that matter) to be aroused by airbrushed and unrealistic images of bodies and sex can take a toll on your sexual health. In fact, more and more men in their teens and late 20s are suffering from porn-induced erectile dysfunction. The takeaway? Save your sex drive for real people and not a porn-produced fantasy that can warp expectations.
3. Try a digital detox
We realize you’re reading this on a screen, so don’t turn away just yet!
The internet is great for connecting you with people you might have never met. We get that dating has gone digital, but once you’ve met a likely candidate, why not opt for a safe and well-thought-out meet-up? See if your friendly barista at your go-to morning pit stop is interested in going out. Getting rejected is an inevitable possibility, but it comes with a rush you won’t find anywhere else.
And we know porn is a safe way to never experience that rejection, but it’s also a way to never experience real life, either.
Try to quit clicking, unplug from fantasy, and just go for it—you never know what might happen.
4. Have realistic and fair standards
There’s no denying it: our porn-obsessed culture has changed the way our generation dates. This issue goes beyond skin deep, where men and women alike have more of an opportunity to harshly judge, sometimes unconsciously, a person or partner on their physical appearance alone.
Related: The Moment I Realized I Competed With Porn In My Dating Relationships
In the same way, porn’s unrealistic portrayal of Photoshopped and surgically-enhanced people can mess with a consumer’s mind and create impossible standards of beauty that are both unhealthy and unkind.
Don’t let the temporary high of porn warp the way you perceive real beauty.
5. Enjoy a boost in confidence
Watching clip after clip of airbrushed and synthetically enhanced bodies is actually shown to have a negative effect on the way a consumer perceives themself. Even the most “casual” of pornography habits can negatively transform your self-confidence and up the body-shaming narrative in your mind. And let’s face it, dating can be difficult already, but it’s made even more difficult by a lack of self-esteem and self-worth.
Remember, the people in porn don’t represent real life, and you shouldn’t compare yourself to air-brushed performers. Learn to love and appreciate yourself as you are, and not compare yourself to fake images in porn.
6. Fall in love, for real
Porn is definitely not the way to learn about love, sex, or relationships, but for so many in our generation, porn—which is typically saturated with violence, abuse, and degradation—is the go-to to get info or tips about these real-life issues before they’ve had any real-life experiences with healthy romantic relationships.
Related: 10 Reasons Why Porn Is Trash And You Deserve Better
Lasting relationships of any kind require a real person to learn and grow with, and the instant and temporary gratification that comes from consuming porn can hardly measure up to the joy that comes with a real intimate connection with a committed partner.
Why this matters
You don’t have to be in a relationship to fight for love. Dating is difficult enough without getting tangled in the porn industry’s lies, so “swipe left” on pornography.
Need help?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
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