Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
We recently received this true story from a female Fighter whose experience shows the powerful effect that porn can have on a consumer’s mindset and potentially warp the idea of what they consider attractive in a partner. Research shows how porn changes viewer's perception of their partner and the women/men around them. Some stories, like this one, shed light on the deep damage and unhealthiness that porn brings individuals and their relationships.
Hey all,
I have followed Fight the New Drug for a couple of years now, and I’ve struggled with pornography for 7-8 years. My struggle was brought on at first by mania episodes from my bipolar disorder, but eventually it became a full blown obsession. Over the past 6 months I have been working super hard to overcome this… I know it has negative effects, and have seen how my life has improved since I’ve been watching porn less.
I had never really seen how big of an effect porn had on people until recently. My best guy friend and I have been getting closer and closer. We’ve kissed a couple times, and we are finally at the point where we need to decide if we are dating or not. I felt led to believe that he wanted to be with me, but something was holding him back.
The other night, when we had the discussion about becoming boyfriend/girlfriend he told me how much he cared for me, and how he would always be there for me no matter what. He left it at that, I could sense a but hanging in the air…
Deep inside me I’ve known for a long time that he wouldn’t date me because I’m not his “fantasy” type. Even though I’m a curvier girl, I think I’m still pretty active and beautiful. And he seemed attracted enough to kiss me, right? After another hour of us just talking, I needed to ask him straight out why he wouldn’t date me officially. He knew what I was about to ask and told me not to, but I did anyway. Finally, in the moment of silence I blurted out, “If I was skinny would you date me?”
There was a long silence, and then he walked out of the room for a minute. Eventually he came back in and said, “I told you not to ask me that, you already know the answer to it.”
I was blown away. My whole world crashed down. Here was a man that had made me fall head over heels, and I knew he had deep feelings for me as well, but he wouldn’t date me because I wasn’t “skinny.” He went on to say how sorry he was, but he just had a vision of the type of girl he would end up with. He wouldn’t say it out loud, but it was clear to both of us that he had been influenced by the women he had seen in porn. He had told me for a while that he cared about me and loved me as a person, but now he was inferring that he couldn’t be with a girl who looked like me.
Related: True Story: Porn Twisted My Sexuality & Altered My Sexual Tastes
He was more upset that I knew how porn was influencing him than how he had hurt me. I had known he struggled with pornography as well and was working to overcome it. I had never been on the receiving end of someone else’s struggle with porn, though, and now I was feeling it firsthand.
Eventually he told me that he couldn’t imagine having sex with me if we got married because of my size, and because of that he was willing to knowingly break my heart and not date me. He said this knowing how self-conscious I was of my body and how hard I’ve worked to get to where I’m at. I’ve hit a lot of health goals this year, but I felt like all that self-improvement disappeared right then. I went home after that heartbreaking conversation, and I haven’t stopped crying since.
I absolutely love him as a friend, and he has been so good to me and helped me through so many things. But he lost me for someone who doesn’t exist. He lost his best friend. Fight the New Drug, please never stop what you are doing. I am committed to being an advocate for your cause, as well as focusing on completely getting rid of porn from my life. I never want another woman to feel the pain I’ve felt because they don’t look like a porn star.
–E.
Why This Matters
Wow. As hurtful as her experience is, this Fighter is definitely not alone. Research has shown that porn can set up consumers to have unrealistic expectations of their partner.
It can’t be certain that a porn consumer’s “type” is based completely off of what they see in porn, but porn definitely plays a part in what consumers find attractive. And ultimately, the problem with porn is that it fails to emphasize the most real parts in relationships. It doesn’t depict real people with real bodies with real (and beautiful) curves and quirks.
In fact, it tries to sell the complete opposite—a photoshop fantasy that reality should never have to compete with. So it only makes sense that those who are exposed to porn have their perceptions of sex and partners twisted and warped. Soon, real people don’t measure up, and partners are considered less exciting when compared to an exaggerated and edited production on a computer screen.
Related: I’m Quitting Porn Because It Makes It Difficult To Appreciate My Girlfriend
We fight for love because reality is so much better than the synthetic, airbrushed world porn depicts. Porn is devoid of real connection and intimacy, and it conditions consumers to expect their partners to look and behave a certain way, especially when it comes to sex. This story reinforces the fact that life and love are so much better and richer without porn in the mix.
Real people have bodies, flaws, and personalities that even the “best” porn can’t rival. Real love is the sexiest of all, and fighting for it is completely worth it.
What YOU Can Do
Watching porn is completely unnecessary to have a fulfilling love life. SHARE this article to spread the facts on how porn harms healthy relationships.
Spark Conversations
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