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I Chose To Stay With My Partner After Learning About His Porn Struggle

By September 28, 2017February 20th, 2020No Comments

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We recently received a true story that shows how love can persevere through difficult circumstanceseven through a difficult fight to give up porn. Some stories, like this one, show how determination, honesty and vulnerability can help rebuild trust and help a relationship heal and reconnect.


Hey FTND,

A while ago I met this boy at a party. We spent the whole night talking about anything and everything. We got along so well that we made plans for the very next day. I kissed him on date #1 and felt so excited about this new guy. We fell for each other pretty fast and I was completely okay with it.

Fast forward to today, and he is my boyfriend. I love being around him because I feel like I can totally be myself when we are together. He’s charming, he’s adorable, and he’s wonderful. He makes me happy and makes me feel safe. I know I probably sound like a silly romantic comedy but it’s the truth when I say I could marry him and be happy wearing his hoodies for the rest of my life. I love this guy.

Related: You Found Out Your Friend Has A Porn Problem—Now What Do You Do?

But I never anticipated that he would have a huge porn struggle.

I remember the night he confided in me that he was struggling with porn. It seemed like my world came crashing down. This couldn’t be real. This wasn’t him. How could he do this to himself? How could he do this to me? My feelings were hurt, my confidence was bruised, and my heart was broken. I felt so hurt. Pornography is so destructive and I felt completely destroyed because of it.

That night was hard. But the choice I had to make wasn’t.

I chose to stay.

Why? Because I believe in love. Love is powerful. Love heals. That’s really all I can say! Everything about our relationship has changed, but now it’s changing for the better. We’re honest and realistic with each other and we’ve come so far because of that. And while we can’t tackle marriage just yet, together we can make it through todayand then tomorrow. I love him more now than I ever did before.

Related: So You’ve Struggled With Porn? That’s Okay, Here’s Why

I have simple advice for those struggling with porn and their loved ones.

To those struggling: Tell your significant other. Be honest! They deserve to know. When I found out, I felt betrayed, tricked, and lied to. I felt cheated on. If you’re watching porn, you’re not being faithful to your relationship. So tell them. Yes, there is a good chance they might leave. I’m not denying that. But they deserve to be able to make that decision. Help them understand and if they truly care about you, they will want to help you overcome this for yourself.

To the loved ones: Forget the past and fight for the future. I promise there is hope. An addiction to pornography is difficult, and maintaining a relationship through it is difficult, but it isn’t the end of the world. People can change! A happy relationship is possible. I am in no way encouraging you to remain in relationships that are harmful. But if it’s a relationship that you know is worth fighting for, choose to be a part of their life and you will play a huge part in encouraging them through their recovery.

Related: Shame Made My Struggle With Porn Much Worse, Not Better

To be clear, an addiction to pornography is not something I take lightly. I am not okay with porn at all. I hate it. I hate the stress and depression it has caused me and my boyfriend and all the damage it has done to our relationship. I still get anxiety when I think about what my boyfriend has exposed himself to in the past. It concerns me. But I choose not to dwell on it. I choose to love him instead. Why? Because I still love being around him. The man I first met still exists. He’s still charming, he’s still adorable, he’s still wonderful. We’re still happy, and we’re still fighting.

If you are in a similar type of relationship, keep fighting! You have all my love and every ounce of support!

K.

Pro-Love, Anti-Porn

We’re all about the science and research behind the harmful effects of pornography, and we also like to share real life stories—raw personal accounts that illustrate the destructive nature of porn in the lives of real people. We promote what we are for as much as what we are against. We are not just anti-porn—we are pro-love, pro-healthy sex, and pro-committed relationships.

Basically, we are fighting for love as much as we are fighting against porn.

In the thousands of messages we get from people all across the world, the majority are about relationships that have been damaged by porn. In the end, each person can decide for themselves to continue pursuing a relationship, or not. But we love hearing stories like this of Fighters that are choosing to make it work, and choosing to love through the hurt caused by porn.

Related: True Story: The Day I Realized My Porn Obsessed Partner Wasn’t Attracted To Me Anymore

It is really important to remember that people who are hooked to porn don’t deserve to be rejected, shamed, or judged. A compulsion to porn is a very real problem and should be approached the same way you would approach someone with a gambling addiction or with an eating disorder; “just stop” is never helpful.

We can all fight for love by raising awareness on the fact that porn can be very addictive and it damages relationships, as well as providing support to those already struggling.

What You Can Do

We appreciate Fighters like this girl who share their stories so that they can help others who might be in the same situation. SHARE this article to spread the facts on the harms of pornography and fight for real love.

Need help?

For those reading this who feel they are struggling with an obsession or addiction to pornography, you are not alone. Check out our friends at Fortify, a recovery program that will allow you take a step toward freedom. Anyone 17 years and younger can apply for a free scholarship to the program, and there is inexpensive pricing for anyone 18 and older. There is hope—sign up today and start getting the help you need at your own pace alongside a supportive community.

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