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How We Fought to Overcome My Partner’s 10-Year Struggle with Porn

By April 30, 2019 No Comments
Cover photo by Joanna Nix. 2 minute read.

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We recently received this true story from a woman who shows us how love can outlast a porn addiction. Some stories, like this one, show how much more vibrant relationships can be when it’s just the two partners focusing on rebuilding trust and love.

Hey FTND,

I wanted to say—it is possible for someone to overcome 10+ years of intense addiction and live a life of deep, trusting, and unadulterated love.

My now husband admitted his addiction to me when we had been dating about 6 months. I didn’t know the extent of it at the time, but the following two years would show me, as he continually struggled and failed to combat the addiction. We fought, we took “breaks,” I doubted his ability to recover… But time and time again he proved to me that his genuine character was good. And that although this addiction was tearing him apart, it was not who he really was.

Related: It’s Okay To Not Be Okay: What Partners Of Porn Consumers Want You To Know

When I advise other women in the same situation I tell them to examine the man’s character. If the addiction stems from deep in his character, then it may not be something to overcome in the context of relationship. But if his character shines through… It does not have to be the end.

As we continued to work together, he gave up technology altogether for a time. He attended addiction recovery meetings, and saw a counselor. With guidance, assistance, and community around him, he is now two years porn-free! And our relationship is rooted in complete trust and knowing that we will both fail each other at times, but we love each other at our best and worst.

Related15 Scientifically Explained Reasons Why Porn Isn’t Healthy For Viewers Or Society

Thank you for what you all do. I know how destructive porn is, and I know what real love looks like outside of it. And I believe that one day society will see it too, thanks to your work! Thank you for giving people hope!

D.

For The Sake Of Love

Hope for healing can be possible

We love stories like this! Humans are wired for emotional and physical connection to other humans, and relationships can be lived out in the healthiest ways when trust and genuine intimacy are the main factors. The fight for love and the fight against porn may be difficult, but it’s always worth it if both partners are committed to overcoming it.

The truth is, everyone—those who struggle and partners—will handle the negative effects of porn differently.

Sometimes, it will be clear that this is not a struggle that can be healed within the relationship and going separate ways may be best for both partners. But sometimes, there’s hope for healing and both partners can choose to stick together while fighting it out. Everyone’s situation is unique and there are a lot of factors to consider in every case.

Why it’s worth celebrating when partners overcome porn

It may seem like porn isn’t that big of a deal. Why celebrate someone’s freedom from something that is just harmless personal entertainment, right? Consider how study after study has revealed the deep emotional, psychological and even physical harms that pornography can cause the consumer and their partner. Porn can drive a deep wedge between partners, fuel anxiety and depression, and it can even harm a consumer’s sexual health, including causing erectile dysfunction for males. Watching isn’t worth it, especially considering pornography’s huge link to sex trafficking and sexual exploitation.

For those struggling, or have partners who may be struggling with this addictive habit, steadfast and dedicated love can win out over a porn obsession, especially when both partners are committed to working together toward healthy change.

We stand for authentic relationships that strive for selflessness and mutuality, and strive to keep porn out of the picture. We stand for love. You with us?

Need help?

For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out our friends at Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your compulsive behavior, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.

Get Help – For Partners

If your partner is struggling with porn, you are not alone—know that there is hope, and there is help. As you navigate this difficult situation, there are supportive communities and resources available to you. Below, we’ve got a non-exhaustive list of several resources for those experiencing betrayal trauma. Because this isn’t a complete resource list, feel free to look for more betrayal trauma resources that are catered to your specific needs and/or location. Note that while both men and women can experience betrayal trauma, some of the resources are gender-specific. Please also note that while some of the resources below are religiously affiliated, Fight the New Drug is not.

Betrayal Trauma Recovery

Recover

Bloom

Addo Recovery

FTND_LoveIsWorththeFight_v2

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