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How My Secret Porn Obsession Began with Women’s Catalogs

By March 15, 2019 No Comments
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Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

Her story shows how an obsession with porn can begin in the unlikeliest of places. It's not only men who struggle with porn—women struggle, too.

When I was just 9 years old, I began flipping through clothing catalogs to look at the women’s underwear. I didn’t know why I kept going back…perhaps it was the excitement or secrecy of it. I just remember continuously going back to those catalogs and feeling helpless against it.

When I was 14, I started using sexual and explicit music as a stress reliever. It felt empowering to control something, to keep something secret, to have my very own thing that no one could take away or even know about.

When I was 16, and I got my first smartphone, this coping mechanism escalated to porn. I progressively looked at more intense porn, always chasing the high that I so desperately wanted. I had no idea that a person could be addicted to anything besides drugs or alcohol.

Related: What It’s Like To Be A 17-Year-Old Girl Who Struggles With Porn

Fast forward to when I was 19—I had just gotten married, but hadn’t disclosed my porn addiction to my husband. I was terrified. I knew I loved him, I knew I wanted to be attracted to him, but I didn’t know how to kick the porn habit. After 3.5 years of marriage, I finally let my husband in. Our marriage almost shattered. We had to work at our relationship, and learn to love, trust, and forgive again.

My point in sharing my story is to illustrate that women can be addicted to pornography too. It’s not just a “male problem.” I was married and had children before I confided in my husband about my habit, and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done.

Related: I Felt Like The Only Girl In The World Who Struggled With Porn, Until I Spoke Up

I felt so alone and isolated. I felt as if I was the only woman in the world who had a pornography addiction.

So, to all those women out there who are struggling: You are not alone. You can do this. You can fight. You can win. You can be clean and sober.

You’ve got this.

C.

Keep It Real

Porn is a human problem, not just a men’s problem

Probably some of the biggest and longest-held myths in our society are that it is normal for guys to watch porn girls don’t watch porn.

Newsflash—women are human beings hardwired with sexual desire, and they struggle with porn as well. The above story is one of thousands we’ve received over the years from girls and women who have felt isolated, ashamed, and unlovable because they’ve experienced the proven harmful effects of porn in their lives.

Society’s stereotype is all wrong when it comes to this issue. A 2015 survey shows more of what we already knew: women are just as easily at risk of becoming dependent upon porn as men. The study showed that as many as 17% of women consider themselves addicted to porn, and that half of the women surveyed were internet porn consumers.

Related: How I Found Hope During My Lonely Struggle With Porn

There are plenty more stats where those came from, including one study that found about half of young adult women agree that viewing pornography is acceptable and 1/3 of young women reported using porn.

At the end of the day, it makes no sense to view females as not having sexual desire or ability to be aroused by pornography. One of porn’s biggest traits is that it so naturally appeals to the natural sexuality that we all have as humans. For any of us to think that girls don’t have an active sexual drive is completely mistaken. It’s heartbreaking to think that so many girls feel like they can’t reach out to anyone because of the stigma that porn is just a guy thing.

We’re here to break the taboo and fight for love for everyone.

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