Cover photo by Daryn Stumbaugh. 3 minute read.

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We recently received this true story from a woman who shows us how a long struggle with porn can end with some hope. Some stories, like this one, show how learning the truth about porn's harms is a massively important step to appreciating and choosing real relationships.


Hey FTND,

My struggle with porn started at a young age. My family got a new computer, and we put it in the family room rather than in the basement, where it had been for years. I stayed up late one night when my parents had long gone to bed, chatting on the computer with some friends. I began to wonder what the big deal with porn was, and why it was such a problem for my dad. I looked some up, and that’s where my struggle began.

My husband and I went to elementary school together, and he grew up down the street from me. We even “dated” for a week in elementary school and had a messy break up—for 8-year-olds, that is.

In his house, porn was no big deal. His dad would watch it on the TV in the living room while he and his brothers played near by. He didn’t even realize that porn could be, and was, a problem until he started dating me. I never thought to ask about it. I knew I didn’t want to go through what I watched my mom go through, but I also knew I had no room to judge because I was dealing with the same issue.

We had a brief conversation about after I came across some on his laptop while doing homework, but he basically told me “I only watch it when I’m single. I haven’t watched it since we’ve been together.” I told him my story about how my dad really struggled with it, and how I didn’t want to date someone who watched it. He told me he understood, and wouldn’t look at it anymore.

If only it were that easy.

Spiraling Out of Control

Things got rocky about a year and a half into our relationship. We were living with his mother and her husband, and we were not getting along very well. We weren’t intimate very often, and I felt that he wasn’t interested in me at all. We both were spiraling out of control.

During this time, I wouldn’t go out with him and his friends because I wanted to be home alone, and he would make excuses to stay home when I was out so he could be alone. It wasn’t until his younger brother got engaged and told the family about his porn addiction and his struggle that something changed.

Related: My Boyfriend And I Were Porn Addicts, Then Helped Each Other Quit

He told me about FTND, and a light bulb went off in my head. It was so obvious. That night I came clean to my boyfriend and told him I thought I had a problem.

My Heavy Secret

I’d been so anti-porn out loud, but in secret I was struggling. We’d been choosing images on a screen over each other, and in turn became resentful towards each other. It all made so much sense. He admitted he had a problem too, and we agreed to help each other. We decided to be more open about it, and come to each other when we were struggling. It was hard at first, but our communication has gotten better over time.

We both have learned that porn truly does kill love, and it’s not something either of us want in our lives or relationship. We’ve now been together for three years, and just got married last month! We are determined to fight this together and I think we are off to a good start!

Learning the Truth

It’s funny, because when researchers say porn is a drug, they aren’t kidding. I can feel the difference in myself, and tell the difference in others when they are constantly watching versus not watching it at all. I make it a point to share my knowledge any chance I get in hopes to educate people on the dangers of porn.

I just had to say thank you to FTND for being so awesome, and putting so much useful information out there. I truly hope that some day society can come to a point where they understand the dangers, and understand that is is a really problem and not everyone looks at porn. 

I can honestly say I wouldn’t be where I am today, and my marriage wouldn’t be as strong if I hadn’t learned the truth about porn.

Thank you,

T.

Why We’re Taking A Stand

One of the things that makes porn such a problem in the lives of individuals and especially in relationships is the amount of secrecy and shame that goes into it.

By shining a light on the topic of pornography and getting the word out there, we can remove this shameful blanket that so many guys and girls feel trapped under. The science and the research has spoken: porn is harmful and it can destroy relationships.

What YOU Can Do

Get the word out on the harms of pornography. SHARE this article to help spotlight this topic and get conversations started.

Need help?

For those reading this who feel they are struggling with an obsession or addiction to pornography, you are not alone. Check out our friends at Fortify, a recovery-focused platform that will allow you take a step toward freedom. Anyone 17 years and younger can apply for a free scholarship to the site, and it's an inexpensive fee for anyone 18 and older. There is hope—sign up today to get the help you need and join with an encouraging community.

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