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Raphaël’s Story: What Convinced Me to Join the “Porn Kills Love” Community in Québec

By November 20, 2019February 20th, 2020No Comments

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

This global movement for love isn't always easy to be a part of, especially if you feel alone. But the longer we've been around, and the more our message spreads across the globe, the more we realize how strong our international communities are. Here's a real story from one Canadian who's changing the conversation up north.

I wasn’t always a Fighter.

I am from Québec, and here in spring, on bright Sundays, we love spending time in maple syrup-producing houses—it was always a great time with friends. Two years ago, I was in a sugary wood cabin with some friends, and a guy I barely knew came up to me out of nowhere. Right off the bat asked me, “How about you? Do you struggle with pornography?”

Related: 3 Reasons Why We Say “Porn Kills Love” Instead Of “Love Kills Porn”

He was wearing this flashy red tee that said “Porn Kills Love.” I thought he was quite brave to wear it without worrying about the others’ looks. We went on talking about the facts and the harms of it in our own lives. This was my first time opening up about porn’s harmfulness—it was a very liberating experience, and afterward, I would easily bring up the topic with friends.

Brain Heart World

I am a 24-year-old real estate investor, and I own several properties. Long story short: that same year, I was renovating a house in Quebec, to rent out. After that encounter, months passed and turned out the project transformed into a student rooming house and eventually more of a community house.

That very guy in the PKL tee who had reached to me and had freed me to talk freely came to live with me and 10 other friends in that house. The subject of porn became quickly very fluent between us all, but not in the way you’d expect. Guys to whom it had never been spoken to got slowly closer to the conversations and quickly understood the harms. It was a bonding thing, between all of us.

Related: Why The Goal Of The Phrase “Porn Kills Love” Isn’t To Shame

That year is filled with great memories: the dinners we’d organize together, the guitar jams in the living room, the improvised living room parties… But what is the most memorable and striking is fraternity we had with each, which reached down to speaking openly about pornography’s harmful effects in our lives.

Classic PKL

Without exaggerating, I think I can say the most recurring subject in conversations was about our personal fights against porn. We would report to each other, ask for help, bring up new found facts, apps that could help us out, tips and tricks, inspiring articles and videos. FTND frequently came up! We even at one point challenged each other on living a clean life. We would track each guy’s progress with a kitchen build board and would mark setbacks on a separate wall—almost everybody jumped in!

From this community house project, several friends have understood and matured into Fighters, which for me has become much more important than making a lucrative business of it.

Related: 3 Real Guys Explain How Giving Up Porn Changed Their Lives

Since that year, several weddings have been celebrated, but even though some of us are apart, the brotherhood bond is still strong for we have grown into Fighter men together. I, for my part, am still hosting friends in my house, and the Porn Kills Love subject frequently comes up from time to time, I would guess because of my owning and repping FTND tee shirts.

We this year again challenged ourselves on the kitchen build board for #NoPornovember. No doubt that this is a fight worth fighting, and I hope you’ll fight it alongside me!

-Raphaël

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