Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
Dear FTND.org,
Open Letter To Anyone With a Porn Habit Like Me
This is an open letter to anyone who has ever wanted stop watching porn, but could not. Those desperate souls who, like me, tried every known remedy. I had tried journaling, daily exercise, nutrition, setting goals, notes on my computer, destroying laptops, self-help books, science studies, therapy, accountability partners, going “off the grid”, socializing more, self-punishment, and eventually…planning my suicide.
I am one of a small percentage of people in the world who is hopelessly addicted to porn(ography). I am someone who could not stop watching and spiraling into the most extreme and mortifying content regardless of any consequence, threat, or fear of imprisonment. For more than twenty years I consumed it, rationalized it, loved it, hated it, and eventually– was enslaved to it.
I would visit research and testimonials, in hopes I might develop enough emotional outrage, fear and shame, to leave porn for good. The more I tried to control and suppress my urges, the worse the desire became.
Everything I seemed to learn would be absorbed into a new fetish or “kink”, like my brain was an infinite sponge for sexual variety. I then believed if only I could accept myself more, welcomed these “kinks”, that might give way to love, understanding, and control. But this was never the case. My sexual template became unrecognizable as I consumed to physical injury, failing health, failing jobs, and failing relationships. I withdrew from my friends and more and more into myself. My secret double-life, once a fun outlet of dopamine-rich exploration, became a living grave where the blinds were always closed, the paper towels were always running out, and the hours were always disappearing. Occasionally, the haze of another spree would lift and I would “come to” asking myself, “What the hell just happened…?” Unable to cry, knowing that there was no hope, so I might as well blot out my reality with another go, always thinking those familiar words, “this time will be different…”
As I write this now, I am amazed to share that my reality is a very different one. It’s incredible to find that today I am well over a year away from that dark, all-encompassing servitude to feed that incessant “itch” for another video. Today, I have no blockers on any machine, no notes on any computer, no one monitoring me to make sure I don’t have another “slip.” I spend those hours I used to waste on computers by gardening, attending local farmers markets, volunteering in my community, having movie nights with friends, and most of all – by helping the next person who suffers like I did.
I am part of an anonymous community that supports anyone who wants to quit porn and compulsive sex but isn’t able to. We support anyone regardless of disability, race, gender, religion (or lack thereof), location, or creed. I do not represent any particular group here. The places I attend have no opinion on the reformation, morality, “goodness”, or legality of any pornographic content. Some people in the groups don’t even struggle with porn, but are working to quit other sexual behaviors. We don’t discuss any solutions to the weighty problems of the world. We simply help each other to quit unwanted sexual behaviors, for good and for all.
If anyone reading this is in that pit of agony without hope, where the only way to stop is through harming yourself or locking yourself up away from the world– where the shame and irreconcilability of sexual actions is beyond despair and reproach— I want you to know that you are not alone. There are thousands of us just like you and there is always a way out. If you have oxygen moving into your lungs, it is not too late for a change.
You can community by doing some searches online or asking around your local communities. The best part of what keeps us away from the old suffering, is a positive feedback loop of community. It reminds us of where we were, helps us to develop empathy and connection, and provides a sense of purpose in those times of great difficulty.
There are very brief occasions nowadays when I may miss what porn did for me. It was a safety blanket for pain and discomfort through many hard times. But I wouldn’t trade the best escapes and “highs” from digitized content for a single day of the life I have today. Even surgeries haven’t sent me back to those old pixelated comforts. I now sleep 8 hours a night and actually wake up excited for life. Crazy!
I didn’t know it, or believe it was possible, to feel the sense of ease and freedom I have now without the drug. Sometimes fighting it really means finding a better substitute.
In gratitude and service,
* Anonymous
Sometimes, the Behavior Isn’t the Whole Story
One of the most revealing lines in this Fighter’s letter comes near the end: “It was a safety blanket for pain and discomfort through many hard times.”
Pornography wasn’t only something he wanted sexually. It had become something he reached for when life hurt.
Research on problematic pornography use has found similar connections between pornography and emotional coping. Researchers have linked problematic use with motivations such as coping and emotional avoidance, while studies have also found associations among problematic pornography use, loneliness, and difficulties regulating emotions.Csányi, E., Veszprémi, M. D., Zsidó, A. N., & Meskó, N. (2026). Motivational pathways diverge between frequent and problematic pornography use. International Journal of Sexual Health. https://doi.org/10.1080/19317611.2025.2605517Copy
Recovery Is More Than Just Stopping It Involves Building
When this Fighter describes his life today he mentions gardening. Farmers markets. Volunteering. Movie nights with friends. Community. Helping someone else who is struggling. His account describes a life that changed alongside his behavior.
Recent qualitative research on people in recovery from problematic pornography use and compulsive sexual behavior has similarly highlighted the role of accountability, connection, honesty, and broader changes in people’s lives and identities. Lorente-Corral, L., Sancho-Cantus, D., Asensio, S., et al. (2026). Identity transformation and the role of accountability in recovery from problematic pornography use: A phenomenological-hermeneutical study. Journal of Clinical Medicine, 15(12), 4845. https://doi.org/10.3390/jcm15124845Copy
Porn once occupied countless hours hidden behind closed blinds. Today, those hours contain other people, hobbies, service, sleep, and experiences he looks forward to. Experiences that add to his life.
Recovery isn’t always about finding one perfect technique that finally eliminates every urge. Sometimes it also involves creating more reasons to stay present in your own life.
Struggling to Stop Isn’t a Reason for Shame
This Fighter tried a lot. Exercise. Journaling. Therapy. Accountability. Destroying computers. Going off the grid. Self-punishment. And when those attempts didn’t produce the change he desperately wanted, his shame intensified.
Shame can convince someone that repeated struggles reveal something permanent about who they are. But behavior can change, and needing support doesn’t make that change less meaningful.
We’ve heard from countless fighters that connecting with others became part of moving forward. Someone else’s path may involve a therapist, a trusted friend, a support group, a recovery program, changes to technology access, healthier coping strategies, or a combination of resources.
It’s about recognizing that struggling with a behavior doesn’t mean you have to do it alone.
There Can Be More on the Other Side
Perhaps the most hopeful part of this letter isn’t simply that he stopped watching porn. It’s that he once describes himself sitting alone behind closed blinds, watching the hours disappear—and later describes waking up excited for his life. That distance didn’t appear overnight. His story spans years of struggle, repeated attempts to change, and, eventually, a different relationship with himself and others.
For anyone who recognizes part of themselves in his words, his experience offers something more useful than a promise that one technique will solve everything. Change can involve understanding what pornography has been providing, finding healthier ways to meet those needs, allowing other people to help, and gradually building a life in which porn no longer occupies the space it once did.
As he put it:
“I wouldn’t trade the best escapes and ‘highs’ from digitized content for a single day of the life I have today.”
Discovering Community
If you are looking for a community to help make a difference in your recovery, we recommend our friends at Relay. Relay pairs you with a like-minded group and a proven, therapist-designed system — so you can quit for good and build a life of lasting freedom. Try it for free to see the difference it can make in your recovery.
Your Support Matters Now More Than Ever
Most kids today are exposed to porn by the age of 12. By the time they’re teenagers, 75% of boys and 70% of girls have already viewed itRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy —often before they’ve had a single healthy conversation about it.
Even more concerning: over half of boys and nearly 40% of girls believe porn is a realistic depiction of sexMartellozzo, E., Monaghan, A., Adler, J. R., Davidson, J., Leyva, R., & Horvath, M. A. H. (2016). “I wasn’t sure it was normal to watch it”: A quantitative and qualitative examination of the impact of online pornography on the values, attitudes, beliefs and behaviours of children and young people. Middlesex University, NSPCC, & Office of the Children’s Commissioner.Copy . And among teens who have seen porn, more than 79% of teens use it to learn how to have sexRobb, M.B., & Mann, S. (2023). Teens and pornography. San Francisco, CA: Common Sense.Copy . That means millions of young people are getting sex ed from violent, degrading content, which becomes their baseline understanding of intimacy. Out of the most popular porn, 33%-88% of videos contain physical aggression and nonconsensual violence-related themesFritz, N., Malic, V., Paul, B., & Zhou, Y. (2020). A descriptive analysis of the types, targets, and relative frequency of aggression in mainstream pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 49(8), 3041-3053. doi:10.1007/s10508-020-01773-0Copy Bridges et al., 2010, “Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best-Selling Pornography Videos: A Content Analysis,” Violence Against Women.Copy .
From increasing rates of loneliness, depression, and self-doubt, to distorted views of sex, reduced relationship satisfaction, and riskier sexual behavior among teens, porn is impacting individuals, relationships, and society worldwideFight the New Drug. (2024, May). Get the Facts (Series of web articles). Fight the New Drug.Copy .
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