In society today, many people have the idea that porn is a great way to “spice things up” in a relationship or that it can be a healthy thing “for couples to watch together.” We get comments like this from people all the time.

What’s interesting is that some of these people even recognize that porn is harmful for individuals, but then also seem to think that when porn is viewed with a partner it suddenly becomes a great tool for the bedroom. This skewed thinking is only being made worse by the misinformation in society that is being promoted everywhere we look. Just take a look at some of these headlines from popular online news sources:

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But while the internet may have you believe otherwise, science and research is proving time and time again that porn kills love, destroys intimacy, and can absolutely wreck your sex life. Research has found that after men are exposed to pornography, they rate themselves as less in love with their partner than men who didn’t see any porn. On top of that, another study found that after being exposed to pornographic images, people were more critical of their partner’s appearance, sexual curiosity, sexual performance, and displays of affection.

(Related: True Story – How Porn Twisted My Sexuality)

To further show the reality of these facts, the following story was recently sent to us by a young married woman who told us how porn became an unwanted part of her relationship and what happened when she decided to join in.

Dear FTND,

First of all… I LOVE your page! Secondly, I would like to share my story.

I had only been dating the guy who is now my husband of five years for a short time when I first walked in on him watching porn. Up until that point, I had no idea. I had so much respect for him before this happened. It hurt me because this wasn’t just some casual, new relationship, he was my best friend too. I decided then and there that I was having none of that and I broke up with him in despair.

The next day I took him back, because he said “sorry” and “it will never happen again.” I could tell he truly was sorry, but what I didn’t know was that he had been addicted to porn for quite some time. Not long after this incident, I felt I just couldn’t trust him anymore. Every few weeks I would check his search history to be sure he was being honest with me and I would find links to porn sites throughout his computer. He would swear to me that he hadn’t watched it, until I told him I had checked his computer. This made me feel worthless as a person, more than words can say.

We weren’t involved sexually (I wanted to wait), but his porn use forced me to feel like I had to sleep with him or else I would lose him.

So I did. And from then on, we were physical all the time.

But his addiction still continued. I began to slowly spiral into a depression that ultimately led me to attempting suicide. I always felt as though I was never good enough. 

Then one day it dawned on me. What if I join in? What if I watch porn with him?

So that’s what I did.

And what happened was that I became just as addicted to porn as he was. It began killing the love in our relationship and completely destroying the respect we had for each other, (or what respect was left anyways). It made me a totally different person. The reality vs. fantasy was all too much for me to handle until porn seemed to become more of a reality than my actual reality.

One day, I came to realize what was happening and we both realized we needed help.

Slowly but surely over these last few years, we began healing. We started counseling and we talked in depth about everything, which is something we couldn’t do while we were drowning in the world of porn. It took a long time and it was hard, but I knew we had to throw out those DVDs and ditch the computer.

We did everything in our power to save our relationship and now we are happily married (I can finally say this and have it be the truth!) We have been porn-free for a few years now. We have our trust back for one another, as well as our respect. I guess you could say, love took hold where porn left off.

Thanks for all that you do!

– S.


This story is way more common than you might think. It is not uncommon for partners of porn addicts to end up looking at porn as well, either out of curiosity to see what they’re being compared to or in a desperate attempt to salvage the intimacy in their marriage.

(Related: How Porn Taught Me To Let Guys Use My Body For Sex)

Just recently we received another inbox message from a young married woman saying this:

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These are real stories from real people who have had their relationship torn apart by the harmful effects of pornography. Partners of addicts, who look at porn just to try and relate to their significant other, can quickly find themselves addicted right along with them. Not worth it.

13886997_10154663588131756_1235084553049174425_nWhat You Can Do 

Take a stand and spread the word that porn kills love. SHARE this article to raise awareness on the harmful effects of pornography.

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