4 minute read.
Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
Recently, a Fighter sent in his story that shows how a porn habit can spiral out of control. His experience illustrates how easy it can be for a 'normal' habit to evolve into so much more.
My story started after I graduated from high school. Looking back, it’s scary to think that boys from a private school would talk about this stuff.
I would always hear the boys in the senior lounge talking about the porn they watched. For me, I had no idea what they were talking about, having never been exposed to it. They would say things like, “If you want to be cool (or hang with us), then you have to watch porn.” And the cliché, “Everyone does it, it’s just natural.”
After high school, I got fed up with being considered not cool and decided to watch porn. Honestly, the first video mortified me. I couldn’t believe people would do such a thing. But as much as it mortified me, it also drew me in. I thought, “Eh, it wasn’t that bad,” and would watch some more. Then, I would convince myself to watch some more, and then more, and more and more etc… It felt like I could no longer stop myself until it became a real problem.
Related: Everyone At My All-Boy High School Openly Watches & Talks About Porn
When I was working, I couldn’t wait to get home to look at more porn. Whenever I could, I would quickly go downstairs so I could watch it on my phone. And at night, I would spend three or more hours watching it. It was a never-ending cycle of compulsion.
What’s worse is my porn viewing only got more disturbing. I admit that I went from so-called “vanilla porn” to what could be considered sexual violence or rape. I even noticed a change in my behavior—I was more irritated, depressed, socially awkward, and suffered from anxiety.
At work, I would catch myself staring at customers or coworkers in a creepy fashion, objectifying them, and at the gym I would spy on the girls working out around me and think of everything I had seen online. Honestly, my behavior was so bad my parents didn’t want to deal with me anymore. In fact, I didn’t even want to deal with me anymore.
Related: 2016 Study Discovers Powerful Link Between Porn And Sexual Violence
I suffered from severe depression and I hit a wall when I couldn’t sleep at night without consuming porn. I felt completely and totally alone, like no one else in the world was going through what I was. One night, I almost committed suicide and a few friends stopped me by talking with me over the phone. I knew I had to stop this.
The next night, I quit watching porn. I forced myself to go to bed right away, even though I couldn’t go to sleep. It was really difficult at first. Everything was calling me back, and I felt the urge to view more and tried my hardest to hold back. Eventually, I was able to develop more control, but it took time.
Going to a private college helped tremendously and hearing about this online campaign for love. My story goes to show that even the most innocent can get hooked on this. To this day, I still get tempted to view it and look at softcore porn. But I’m happy to say that with my friends and FTND, I am more able to control myself. Now, even some of my friends and relatives are involved with the campaign!
Related: If These 5 Signs Apply To You, You Might Have A Problem With Porn
Sometimes I get made fun of for ditching what everyone thinks is “normal,” but I don’t care. Now, I have even more respect for women. And now, I’m a Fighter.
–A.
Why this matters
In a time where fitting in and being cool is one of the most important things, our generation is feeling more pressure than ever to pick up a porn habit like it’s no big deal. Now, it’s considered not only weird if you haven’t seen porn, it’s downright uncool.
As you can see from this Fighter’s experience, developing a compulsive habit to porn because of the social pressure to fit in can be completely isolating. In some extreme cases, like this one, it can even fuel the consumer’s feelings of anxiety, depression, and even self-harming thoughts.
We fight for real love and healthy relationships because we don’t believe anyone should feel like they need to watch sexual exploitation to be considered cool. We fight because we believe that valuing people, respecting others, and ending sexual exploitation is one of the coolest things anybody can do. And not only that, but the science and research are continually showing how important this fight really is, too.
We applaud this Fighter for choosing to take up the cause and fight for his own love. In the end, watching isn’t worth it, but love is definitely worth it all.
Need help?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
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