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Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
In our digitized world, it’s not a question of if kids will access porn, but when.
It’s a sad fact, but parents can be ready for when it happens. This end of post is by our affiliate partners at Bark, who have amazing tech solutions for monitoring devices while building trust—read on for more info.
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How my 10-year-old son’s battle with porn brought us together
My son came forward on his own about six weeks ago pleading…begging…to “make it stop Daddy!”
His “friend” introduced him to porn videos and even knew when to “shut it off” before his Mom made her way down the hall to “check on them.”
We find ourselves lucky and even grateful because he came to us…we didn’t have to catch him. Truth is he showed ZERO signs that anything was off, so had he not come forward, I don’t think we would have ever known! He hid his pain well.
That said… your little angel you think isn’t struggling probably is, or has some heavy thoughts, images, and emotions they don’t quite know how to process.
Now, that’s not always the case for most kids, so if you catch your kid in the act, pull them aside lovingly. They’re in enough pain—believe it or not—already, and it’s killing them inside despite what you might think. As enticing as porn is, they want out. They don’t know how to break the barriers of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. It’s too much for their minds to handle between the ages of five and 17 years old, in my opinion. My son is ten years old, and his battle is fierce.
Since then, our relationship as father and son has blossomed into something more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined. In our first big talk, I explained to him that when an alcoholic seeks help to stop alcoholism, they find a sponsor, a life coach. I said, “Son, what if I was your sponsor. Your life coach?” He replied, “Yes, Daddy, I want you as my sponsor.”
For the last six weeks or more, we have been “cleaning out the closet” every morning or evening for about an hour. We talk about anything he wants. It mostly boils down to understanding just how normal he actually is for the thoughts, images, and feelings that have been provoked due to the introduction of porn and understanding where to draw the line and where there is personal accountability. There is no shame, here, only love and honesty.
We talk about anything and everything you can imagine now in a way that builds confidence again, self-respect, self-awareness, self-care, and self-love.
Our talks will continue daily and it’s no longer awkward to talk about sex. It’s just a normal conversation between father and son. He knows that because porn opened his eyes to a world he wishes didn’t exist, he knows it’s his battle for the rest of his life—to choose in or out—and he’s accepted that challenge.
His healing process has been amazing. Heartbreaking, but amazing.
–R., a Fighter
Pornography is everywhere – by Matt McKee
Whether we like it or not, children today will be exposed to pornography. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Preparing yourself now instead of waiting until it happens will help you get ahead of the situation. And remember,
What to do when you find out your child’s been exposed to pornography online.
- Stay calm. How you react to finding out that your child has viewed porn will be remembered far more than the material itself. Have a conversation, not a shouting match.
- Be supportive, not scolding. Your child is probably unsure of how they feel about what they just witnessed. They may feel ashamed, or they may be curious. Understanding where your child is in terms of this content is key. As a parent, you want to be able to see through your child’s eyes. Being supportive is the only way to do this.
- Build trust while setting expectations. More than likely this is a journey and not a one-time experience. Let your child know how your family deals with this type of content. Fortunately, the relationship you have with your child is stronger than any content they’ve seen.
- Keep asking questions. Continuing the conversation over weeks, months, and years will be the best thing you can do. Check in from time to time, and don’t shy away when the subject arises. This way, an awkward situation turns into an opportunity to strengthen communication with your child.
- Put filtering and monitoring systems in place. Don’t just put your head in the sand. The same technology that causes problems can also create solutions. There are amazing tools out there that not only block content, but also let you know what your child is doing online. Put these in place now.
How to be proactive and reactive
One resource that can help? Introducing Bark, advanced monitoring software that helps parents understand what their children are talking about online with their friends and posting across social media. After all, as a busy parent, reading every text message, post, and email just isn’t realistic.
Bark was created by parents, for parents to offer a better, easier, and more effective way to keep children safe online. With it, you receive alerts when potentially harmful or dangerous issues arise and links to resources to help you naturally bring up conversations in response.
Created in collaboration with child psychologists, youth advisors, digital media experts, and law enforcement professionals, Bark delivers a research-backed, kid-friendly solution for safeguarding families as technology changes how and where we communicate. Over 3,000,000 homes and schools are using it now.
We’ve partnered with FTND to offer a free, one-month trial for interested parents. Check it out, and keep your family safe, today.
Keep your kids safer online
Bark is the internet safety solution that parents trust and children like, if you can believe it. Bark is an easy-to-use, smart tool that parents can use to help protect their children online.
Bark uses a highly advanced algorithm to alert parents when it detects potential threats or signs of danger, such as:
- Cyberbullying
- Internet Predators
- Depression
- Suicidal Thoughts
- Sexting
Bark is a common-sense tool that can augment a parent's efforts to protect their children online. Parents trust Bark because it uses advanced technologies to alert them to potential online dangers without them reading through all of their child's online activities, preserving their valuable time (and sanity). Kids like Bark because they are free to continue their daily digital lives without their parents constantly peering over their shoulders.
You can start protecting your children online today! Try Bark for FREE for 30 days, or get your teen or tween the Bark Phone with Bark's parental controls built-in!
Fight the New Drug may receive financial support from purchases made using affiliate links.
About the author
Matt McKee is Vice President of Strategic Partnerships at Bark, and the author of Parent Chat: The Technology Talk for Every Family. He’s passionate about helping families navigate the world of technology, and enabling kids to thrive throughout a digital adolescence.