Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives. We recently received this true story from a woman who has experienced the immense pressure that porn can put on viewers to be unrealistically perfect. Aesthetically perfect with how they look, sexily perfect with how they behave, and perfect with how they sexually perform.
Hello. I was wondering if you’d post this anonymously.
I’m a young mother and newlywed. I’ve been addicted to porn for most of my life. The first time I saw it, I was very young, and it was brief, but it never left my mind. I was curious and decided to investigate. Being sneaky, I could watch it often, and as a little girl, I was convinced that this was “just how women were.”
That’s when the pressure began.
I thought if I was ever going to score a man, I had to top the best of them. I started exploring my sexuality much earlier than I care to share. I thought the idea of respecting myself was a lie some chick made up to hold me back, you know, less competition. Sound crazy? These are a little girl’s thoughts! I was just glad I had a head start on the other girls. I was doing things from porn that I only acted like I liked, things that I knew were normal for guys to want. I just had to get used to it.
I started to do drugs to get through it, I worked out like crazy to have the best body I could, I dressed provocatively (even in the places like school), and I studied porn every single day. I needed to know if I missed anything. I wasn’t going to be lacking in any area.
Here I am, a young woman, and I see where most of my struggles in life were birthed. I have to struggle so hard not to take advantage of my time alone and watch porn. I’m married, and as much as I desire my husband, I put porn on an unrealistic pedestal he can’t compete with. We have no intimacy in our marriage, and up until recently, I thought it was his fault.
I’ve decided to stop this. I’m sick of being a slave. I just want to thank you, Fight the New Drug, for standing up against something so controversial. Your posts had me thinking, and you are immensely helping people! Life isn’t meant to be lived like this, and I won’t waste it anymore.
– T.
If porn viewers study what is fake for too long, they’ll begin to find flaws in what is real. Porn sells damaging fantasies that resemble nothing in real-life relationships. In a world where watching porn is the expected norm, so many viewers are being cheated out of meaningful relationships.
We recently received another email from a girl who was addicted to porn since the age of 12. Now married, she shared with us how her years of porn use deeply affects her ability to have a good sex life with her loving husband and how she is still dealing with the effects of years of watching degrading and humiliating porn:
I know men have issues with erectile dysfunction because of porn; they can’t get an erection because porn has distorted their ability to become aroused. Well, it turns out it’s the same for women. Nothing my husband can do can arouse me. And it’s not like he’s only willing to try a handful of mundane things. He is not, however, willing to mistreat me, call me names, degrade me, or use bondage of any sort – things that we feel have no business in the bed of equal partners, man and wife. But it’s these things to which I tied my arousal during my addiction. I don’t want any of these things in our bedroom, but without them… no go. Yes, a woman’s inability to become aroused doesn’t prevent sex from happening like a man’s inability. Still, my lack of arousal means an experience that should be beautiful and pleasurable is miserable and incredibly painful. I still have a sexual appetite. I’m still sexually attracted to my husband. But I’m not sexually aroused, and it’s not because he’s some ugly potato. It’s because of the lingering effects of my addiction. I deny him something that is an important part of our marriage, and my sexual appetite is perpetually frustrated; I’m continuously unsatisfied because of my stupid actions years ago.
See, if a porn viewer is frequently viewing porn that is violent, degrading, or deviant, they are conditioning their neuroplastic brain to be aroused by that type of behavior, even if it is showing things that they initially thought to be disgusting or wrong. The fantasy becomes more than just a casual or harmless viewing. It can consume the viewer’s mind.
In real life, there’s nothing better than being in a relationship where both partners feel good enough, exactly as they are. Real people are flawed, but learning how to work together in a relationship is half the fun. We fight for authentic love because it’s absolutely worth fighting for.
What YOU Can Do
Porn will never compare to the satisfaction of a genuine relationship, and it is robbing people of intimacy and love. SHARE this article to spread the word on the harms of porn and raise awareness on this important issue.
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