Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We received a story that shows what a real struggle pornography can turn into. The following story shows how porn can isolate, consume, and eventually even destroy friend and family relationships.


One of the biggest and longest-held myths in our society is that it is normal for guys to watch porn. And an overlooked extension of that unhealthy belief is the idea that girls do not watch porn. Think about it—when was the last time you saw a movie where a girl is deleting her browsing history as her boyfriend walks in the door? Or a woman caught with stacks of porn magazines under her mattress while her husband makes the bed?

Society’s stereotype is all wrong when it comes to this issue. A recent German sex study shows more of what we already knew: women are just as easily at risk of becoming dependent upon porn as men. The study showed that as many as 17% of women consider themselves addicted to porn, and that half of the women surveyed were internet porn users.

There are plenty more stats where those came from, including one study that found about half of young adult women agree that viewing pornography is acceptable and 1/3 of young women reported using porn.

We get thousands of messages from all over the world, many from those obsessed with porn and seeking help. To prove the point even further that there are countless females out there struggling with porn right now, we wanted to share one story we recently received from a female Fighter.

Her Story

FTND,

The struggle is real. That is the best way I know how to start this message. But here we go:

As a 12-year-old, I loved playing video games on the family computer. One day while my parents were at the grocery store, I was trying to find a gaming website, but I ended up clicking on a wrong link.

I’m not being dramatic when I say that one wrong click changed my life.

I was instantly taken to a world of seeing men and women treating each other like animals, depicting abusive sex. What I saw shocked me, but I couldn’t bring myself to click away from the site because of how the images made me feel. I started going back to it again and again and it quickly started to twist my perception of what was supposed to be love. The images were burned into my mind and I couldn’t get them out.

Soon, it became a regular part of my daily life to watch and read pornography. Up until that point in my life, there was no void in my life that I felt I needed to fill. Until I found that website. Then it was like I was constantly trying to satisfy something I couldn’t fill. At the age of 15, I started to become scared of myself. I felt nothing; I felt like I couldn’t fully care for people, for my body, for my mind, or for my heart. I just felt numb and hollow all the time. I viewed everyone around me, including myself, as objects. Nobody really mattered except for what I saw in porn.

Related: Porn Site Releases “What Women Want” Statistics Revealing Female Porn Habits

Eventually, I sought help from an adult I trusted. It took all the courage a 15-year-old girl could find to admit it. But at that time and place in my life, that person did not believe that a girl as young and innocent-looking as I was could have fallen into the dark world of internet porn. I came away from that conversation feeling hopeless and empty once more. I was too afraid to tell my parents. What would they think? What would they do? What would it do to my little sister? Would they be able to actually help me? No, I felt like no one could or would even want to help me. So I tried to fight alone. I tried everything to make sure I was around other people all the time and that technology wasn’t near me at night. But I would always find myself sneaking out of my room when everyone else was sleeping to go over to the computer to watch porn.

At 18, after three years of self-loathing, anger, and countless tears, I found myself quitting the fight and just giving in. I was at a point where I could not find a good enough reason to keep trying. No one can even tell, right? I used that justification and allowed myself to continue my addiction because I felt it was useless to try and beat it. But after a while, the depression that followed me around became too much. I was constantly feeling empty because porn left me feeling like actual relationships with real people could never measure up. I felt like all I ever did was lie to others and myself. I had no idea who I was.

I soon found myself giving up the most important fight—the fight to live. I was done. No one believed that I was struggling and I couldn’t pull myself out. I wanted to end all of my pain and loneliness. But right when the unthinkable was about to become a reality, something happened.

Related: I’m A Straight Girl Addicted To Lesbian Porn

Someone in my community told me of a service opportunity that had come up, one where I would have to leave home, be away from technology, and where I would always be helping others. It would be an opportunity to forget about myself and just focus on helping out other people. On a whim, I took the chance. I left my home, everyone and everything I knew and got straight to work.

The purpose of this humanitarian opportunity was to help people, to help them with any struggles and addictions they may be having and let them know that there are people that care for them. But as much as I wanted to help, it wasn’t always easy for me to help people understand something that I myself did not know. I still hadn’t told anyone about my porn addiction, though I knew I should have. I still had the powerful urges, the desire to use porn to escape the world I was living in, but the fact that I was always around people kept me from falling back into my habit.

At first it felt like I couldn’t make it. With each passing day and week, my thoughts kept turning to the one thing I would use to cope with pretty much any emotional feeling that I had: porn. And now that I was actually starting to feel alive again, I didn’t know what to do. It felt foreign.

Related: Why Being Anti-Porn & Anti-Shame Go Hand In Hand

About 2 months into my adventure, I started to see that I was far from alone. I saw that I wasn’t the only person who felt trapped. It was saddening, yet surprising, to see that so many people, young and old, boy and girl, struggle with porn. I started actually feeling like I could help them and that I could be helped too. I saw that they were all trying to reach out, trying to ask for help, and just silently hoping for somebody to listen to them. I saw that all these struggling people were just looking for someone who they could trust completely, someone who would tag team with them in their fight. I decided to be that person for them. I decided to be that person that I didn’t have when I sought help as a teenager. I became a leader and witnessed the trials of many young girls who struggled with self-esteem. My desire to help them grew while I found myself losing the desire to look at the lies of porn. It turned out that while I was trying to help them, they were the ones that were helping me.

I wish I could say that when I returned home from my trip that I was 100% cured and never dealt with this battle again. As anyone who has struggled with porn knows, that’s not how it works. I still have days where a thought of going over to the computer to look at porn or opening the pages of an erotic book crosses my mind. But now that I know I’m not alone, I am winning the fight.

Now, I have been porn-free for 3 years! I have many people to turn to when I am struggling, not only those that I met while away from home, but my family as well. I finally told my family and they now support me and have a better understanding of the power of a porn struggle. I hope my opening up to them will prevent my little sister from having to go through a similar struggle.

Related: True Story – I Stopped Watching Porn And I’ve Never Been Happier

Like I said, the fight still isn’t over for me. In fact, I am currently in a relationship where the love of my life struggles with porn daily. But he knows that he will never fight alone because he has me.

I just want to let anyone else who is struggling with porn to know that you don’t have to cry because you failed last night or today. You don’t have to feel alone in your weakest moments or empty at the end of each day. Find a group, find good friends, and find yourself. You can and will win the fight.

Thanks for all you do!

– A Fighter from Alaska

Why This Matters

Make no mistake about it, porn can be highly addictive and it is harmful not only to the brain, but to the user’s attitudes and perceptions about real sex and intimacy. Porn has become the drug of choice for many in the new millennium, and is rampant among both men and women. And while it’s so easy to believe that porn is the best form of an emotional high available, we’re here to tell you that it’s not.

It’s ridiculous to think that females are human beings devoid of any sexual desire or propensity for visual stimulation. One of the reasons why porn is so magnetizing and attractive to so many is that it naturally appeals to a base desire in all humans: sex. It would be ignorant for any of us to think that females (or males, for that matter) don’t have sex drives that would be attracted to porn.

It’s heartbreaking to think that so many women feel like they can’t reach out to anyone because of the stigma that porn is just a “guy thing.” Join us in breaking the silence, and breaking the shame. Women struggle, too, and we fight for them because they are worth fighting for.

What YOU Can Do

To raise awareness on the porn issue in our society and take away the stigma facing women, SHARE this article. Spread the facts and take a stand.

Need help?

For those reading this who feel they are struggling with an obsession or addiction to pornography, you are not alone. Check out our friends at Fortify, a recovery program that will allow you take a step toward freedom. Anyone 17 years and younger can apply for a free scholarship to the program, and there is inexpensive pricing for anyone 18 and older. There is hope—sign up today and start getting the help you need at your own pace alongside a supportive community.

Spark Conversations

This movement is all about changing the conversation about pornography. When you rep a tee, you can spark meaningful conversation on porn’s harms and inspire lasting change in individuals’ lives, and our world. Are you in? Check out all our styles in our online store, or click below to shop:

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