Not many of us can say that our parents have never done, worn, or said anything completely humiliating. But what if you found out something completely shocking about your mom or dad and had to spend your childhood keeping it a secret?
What if you found out one of your parents was in porn? And that you had to keep it a secret?
Well, this Reddit thread gained some publicity and revealed the experiences of people who grew up with parents who had porn pasts or who were currently performing in porn. The online conversation shines a light on how porn can warp relationship expectations, especially when someone you know and love is involved in the industry.
“It messed me up”
According to one commenter whose mother was in one prominent porn magazine and was involved in various softcore porn projects, knowing about his mom’s career wasn’t the biggest problem he had to deal with—it was making sure no one else found out, especially not at school.
“I learned early not to tell ANYONE,” he said. “Every few years, word would get around on the playground, and fistfights would start… It wasn’t until high school though that some of the other students were 18 and could go to the strip club my mother worked at. More fights.”
He also revealed how his mother’s porn career negatively impacted his relationships as he grew up, pushing him to have unhealthy expectations and a warped view of sexuality.
“All in all, it messed me up pretty good. My standards for what women should look like are incredibly high… I was told my entire life while seeing pictures of my mom’s friends naked, ‘This isn’t sexual’. That really messed me up.”
Related: My Big Sister, The Porn Star: How Her Career Damaged Her Life And Our Family
The Reddit thread allowed numerous commenters to come forward and share their experiences of growing up with parents who starred in porn. The posts show a harsh reality that highlights how damaging it is to be exposed to the porn world during the early years.
Another commenter wrote: “I have very early memories of seeing hundreds of porn videos lying around her office… Honestly, children are just blind. I will say that being around that environment started me being sexual at an early age.”
Some said they were always aware of their parent’s career, knowing their dark secret from the beginning, but others had found out unexpectedly and in shocking ways.
“I found out by looking through my dad’s old stash of porn,” wrote one commenter. “Turns out, more than half of the movies in his box also star him.” This guy said he watched a video for about 20 minutes before a familiar tattoo on the man’s arm revealed it was his father. Talk about disturbing.
Related: VIDEO: 5 Popular Ex-Porn Performers Who Are Now Anti-Porn
Another Reddit user said they found out their mother worked in the porn industry when they were just 11 years old. Had they been even a year older, the impact would have been much more traumatic, they wrote: “Sincerely, it would have been far worse even just a year later… If I had been a full-on bratty teenager when I got the truth, I probably would have been more angry than that.”
But research shows that nothing healthy can result from being exposed to porn at an early age.
Even porn performers agree porn isn’t healthy for kids
Even porn performers agree that porn is damaging for children. For example, Ron Jeremy, one of America’s top-rated porn actors, is encouraging parents to take steps to protect their kids from hardcore internet porn.
“Porn is definitely not for kids. Take it from someone who has worked in the industry for years,” Jeremy said. “Internet filtering is an easy way to prevent kids from being exposed to this stuff and I think that every parent should use a product.”
Related: Just Because Porn Performers Do It, Doesn’t Mean They Like It Or Asked For It
But the families of porn performers aren’t the only ones who have twisted views of what a healthy relationship looks like.
The facts show porn is harmful regardless of which side of the screen you’re on. As an education organization, our aim is to raise as much awareness as possible that porn isn’t natural, it isn’t normal, and it definitely isn’t a healthy part of any meaningful relationship. So many people in society, especially in our tech-obsessed generation, believe that porn really is just harmless entertainment, and that it can even be a satisfying substitute for a real relationship.
In reality, science and research are showing just the opposite. It is harmful to the consumer and it can make single people even lonelier and meaningful, intimate relationships even more difficult in the long run.
We need to change the perception
We have to change the way porn is perceived, transforming the norm from “everybody does it” to “this is not healthy,” changing the attitude around these Reddit stories from “how cool that their parents did porn” to “porn is actually harmful to everyone.” Because let’s face it—as a society, contributing to the abuse, degradation, and exploitation of real people isn’t cool or healthy at all.
This is why we fight against porn and raise awareness on the real harms of the industry on society. Science and research are increasingly showing how porn isn’t part of healthy, meaningful relationships, and that’s why we fight for real love.
We are always looking for powerful personal accounts. If you or someone you know has been involved in the porn industry, we want to hear your story.