Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
We recently received a true story that shows how love can persevere through difficult circumstances—even through a difficult fight to give up porn. Some stories, like this one, show how honesty and vulnerability can help rebuild trust and help a relationship heal and reconnect.
Hey FTND,
I’ve been struggling with porn since middle school. My struggle got worse the older I got. I started looking at more graphic things that used to really gross me out or disturb me, because it’s the only thing that would work anymore. I grew to hate it but kept doing it because I couldn’t stop.
Related: Why Watching Porn Is An Escalating Behavior
My sophomore year of high school, I got into a relationship with an amazing girl and decided I had to quit watching porn. I did it cold turkey. It worked for a while, but not for long. Soon, the urges came back stronger and I fell back into the same habits. There were times I would do well, but I was always trapped by this struggle.
Fast forward five years, and I was a junior in college, and engaged to that same high school sweetheart. But I was still very much struggling with porn. I hadn’t told her because I was committed to overcoming it myself.
Related: How Shame Made My Struggle With Porn Worse, Not Better
Finally, after many years of struggling, many filtering apps and accountability partners, I finally took the advice of a friend. I told my fiancée the truth about my addiction that I had been struggling with for years.
She was very hurt, but also appreciative that I told her. She told me she was glad that she didn’t have to find out herself and catch me in a lie. She even told me, “I am sorry you’ve been hurting for so long.” I could tell she really understood and was putting her hurt aside to help me. I hated seeing the result of my actions on her sad face. I needed to stop hurting her, myself, and the many people who are hurt by the negative effects of the pornography industry.
Related: My First Girlfriend Showed Me Porn And I Quickly Became Addicted. Here’s How I Finally Broke Free…
After telling my fiancée, I told her about Fight the New Drug. I told her that even during my struggle, your site and Facebook feed was a light at the end of the tunnel. I knew one day I’d beat this frustrating and stubborn habit. And with your resources, stories, and testimonials, I was able to know that unlatching myself from porn is possible.
I’m so happy to share that I am three weeks free of porn! I never want to look at it again. I want to choose love.
It’s been hard at times, but I’ve been able to overcome, and I want to keep working each day to never choose porn over love again. Thank you so much for everything!
Also, for me and my fiancée’s anniversary, we bought each other Porn Kills Love shirts. She has been an invaluable support in finally choosing love!
-R.
Why this matters
Author and political activist Naomi Wolf has traveled all over the country talking with college students about relationships. “When I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike,” she says. “They know they are lonely together … and that [porn] is a big part of that loneliness. What they don’t know is how to get out.” [1]
We love this story. We admire his decision to fight for love and her decision to stay and fight alongside him. Sometimes, the decision to leave and start over may be better for everyone, but this wasn’t one of those times. The pull of porn can be overwhelmingly strong to someone who struggles, but love is stronger.
In the end, porn can’t live life alongside you, but love can.
Need help?
For those reading this who feel they are struggling with pornography, you are not alone. Check out Fortify, a science-based recovery platform dedicated to helping you find lasting freedom from pornography. Fortify now offers a free experience for both teens and adults. Connect with others, learn about your unwanted porn habit, and track your recovery journey. There is hope—sign up today.
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