This guest piece was written by Holley Jeppson, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, and Clinical Director and Director of Coaching for Fortify. 5-minute read.
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There is hope. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255, or you can call or text 988.
Suicide Crisis Plans for Fighters
By Holley Jeppson, LMHC
For any person who is struggling with depression or feelings of hopelessness, it is important to build a crisis plan.
Having a plan means you’re not stumbling alone in the dark when a particularly heavy moment threatens to overwhelm you. For individuals working to overcome both sexual compulsivity and suicidality, a crisis plan isn’t just important; it’s absolutely essential.
The best time to utilize a crisis plan is early on when feelings of despair arise, or even during an urge. And the best time to create your crisis plan is long before those darkest feelings come.
If you’re already past that point and you’re already deeply struggling, the next best time is right now.
Two traditional tools for your plan
Seek Support
This may seem to be an obvious one, but it’s always worth mentioning. One of the most common pieces of advice you might hear is to reach out for support by calling a loved one, sponsor, or crisis line like the suicide hotline (988). Write down a few options for seeking support and connection, whether with a trusted ally or a professional. This method is not only wonderful in theory, it’s very effective in a lot of suicidality safety plans.
Because sexual compulsivity is often accompanied by feelings of isolation, loneliness, and the tendency to hide away in embarrassment, reaching out for support in a moment of crisis is especially challenging. Too many people feel unable to seek help in the very moments they need it most.
Sadly, for some, the chance of them actually using these resources is low. Please prioritize finding trusted allies!
In my time providing therapy for people struggling with compulsive porn use, I see a lot of people isolating themselves from others because of deep shame. Working through shame and connecting with others are pivotal steps in healing and navigating crisis.
However, because many aren’t willing to reach out because of the shame factor, it’s critically important to have other tools at hand.
Write down your “why”
Generally speaking, writing down the reasons you want to live and describing what is worth living for can help people through a suicidal episode. Your “why” might include people in your life, a religious belief, an aspiration for your future, or anything else hopeful you can turn to that you might have forgotten in your despair.
This technique can help a lot at early choice points, like when you’re feeling an urge, or you’ve had a slip and you’re feeling hopeless.
However, in moments of deep darkness, it can be challenging to feel the importance of your “why,” and it might seem like hollow comfort. Because sexual compulsivity can damage relationships, it sometimes contributes to losing important ones, like that with a partner, which can make doubts about the value of your old “whys” feel loud in our minds. That’s why, when someone hits rock bottom, they can’t always rely on contacting others or focusing on their “why” alone.
That’s where DBT techniques can be very useful.
Dialectical behavior therapy: RESISTT
When the thought of reaching out to someone feels impossible, when you’re truly in the darkest point, and if you’ve lost your “why” or you’re afraid you might—you may need a different type of crisis plan.
One important thing to note is that these are tools for crises, not long-term treatment plans.
Distraction isn’t the same as healing. These crisis tools focus on getting you past a dark moment in time. This won’t do the important work of growth and long-term recovery.
That said, these can be incredibly useful techniques to use as a piece of the puzzle, tools to keep in your back pocket for a difficult moment as part of an overall recovery plan.
Check out this article on Dialectical Behavior Therapy for a deeper dive on DBT.
Reframe the thought
Reshape a black-and-white, negative interpretation of your situation into a more realistic one. If you’re familiar with CBT, this is a similar concept.
When a thought like, “This is hopeless and I’m never going to be able to get out of this” pops into your head, check the thought and reframe it to something more nuanced: “This is difficult and it might take me a long time to overcome, but it’s possible.”
Engage in a distracting activity
Mindfully engage in something you enjoy. This is especially helpful for interrupting any “doom spirals” or intrusive thoughts stuck in your head.
Service
Doing something for somebody else can give perspective and make you feel a sense of purpose.
Intense sensations
You can think of this as a form of harm reduction. Rather than self-harm, turn to an intense sensation that is safe, such as holding an ice cube, taking a cold shower, or taking a walk in the sun.
Shut it out
This is not the same as gritting your teeth and trying to ignore something. The most effective way to “shut it out” is to physically change your environment. Go somewhere else and leave the trigger behind physically. Driving to a coffee shop or taking a walk is a great option here.
If that’s not an option, you can also do this mentally as a visualization activity by moving thoughts into boxes and putting them away.
Think neutral thoughts
Count, sing the alphabet song, name objects around the room, or recite a memorized mantra or poem.
Take a break
When emotions are high, to get you through the crisis, you can do progressive relaxation, acupressure tapping EFT, visualizations. Take an extended lunch. Ask somebody to babysit your kids. Do something relaxing for yourself.
Moving forward
If you’re struggling with thoughts of hurting yourself right now, remember your options:
- Reach out to someone you love or to a hotline like 988, and think of your “why.” If those options don’t resonate with you
- RESISTT with a healthy distraction or mental interruption.
Keep in mind that once you have opened the door to the dark place of suicidality, it’s easier to find it again in the future. Sexual compulsivity and feelings of suicidality can become wired together so that the dark funnel can suck you in faster the next time.
When the urgency of the suicidal thoughts pass, the aches and challenges will still be there. After the acute feelings of despair have passed, that’s the time to act, not wait around for them to show up again.
If you haven’t checked out the Fortify app before, I highly recommend it as a guide on your journey toward finding lasting healing. Metaphorically, it’s better to brush our teeth regularly than to have to get a root canal, so be proactive in your self-care and in getting key lifestyle factors into place.
Don’t wait until you reach that dark place again to think about building the kind of life and support system that will make you want to live. None of this is easy. But you’ve got this.
There is hope. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255, or you can call or text 988.
About the Author
Holley Jeppson is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor and has worked supporting people facing depression, addiction, and betrayal trauma for 25+ years. Holley has worked on several teams developing online science-based coaching, education, and training programs used worldwide to help individuals overcome mental health and behavioral challenges. She is currently the Clinical Director and Director of Coaching for Fortify and Impact Suite Holley’s passion is people—especially watching people grow and overcome challenges.
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