Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.
We recently received this story that shows just how different relationships and love can be when porn isn’t in the mix. Some stories, like this one, exemplify how porn can cause consumers to objectify people and evaluate them for parts more than see them as they truly are. Some consumers realize life and their partner are so much more real and enjoyable without porn, and that love is what makes a relationship truly beautiful from the inside out.
Hi FTND,
Thanks for your post about how porn can give people false expectations for relationships. It’s nice to get another witness from a completely separate source that what really makes for a good relationship is not “attractiveness,” but how close you two are and how much you really get to know each other.
Something I would like to share that you may appreciate was the day I realized some of the ways porn was hurting me and my relationship.
Porn was warping my desires with my girlfriend; I found that porn had given me unrealistic expectations for her. It was a tough thing to realize… I was dissatisfied with things like cuddling, and I did not fully appreciate my girlfriend’s figure. I felt like something was missing when we were just having a regular, chill moment. I always needed more, had to have more.
Related: Why Real Love Is The Gift That Keeps On Giving
I still have doubts sometimes, but the more time goes by, the more I love her, and that makes me think she is all the more beautiful. It’s so liberating to have so many different sources coming together now telling me that what makes a good relationship and healthy sex life is the quality of your relationship. And to my thorough delight, I have a fantastic relationship with my girlfriend, and it’s only getting better.
When I finally get over my problem with porn, I’ll probably marry that lovely girl.
–P.
Why this matters
Porn can turn an intimate relationship love-connection into a rehearsed performance that’s less about the emotional bonding and more about duplicating the fantasy of porn.
When love for the sake of connecting and growing together isn’t the focus of a relationship, unhealthy foci can take its place. If love and intimately connecting aren’t the focus, there’s less emotional connection, a lack of commitment to the partnership, less sweetness like kissing and cuddling, and more performing and self-focusing.
The problem with porn is that it fails to emphasize the most real parts in relationships. It doesn’t depict real people with real bodies with real (and beautiful) flaws. In fact, it tries to sell the complete opposite—a photoshop fantasy that reality should never have to compete with. So it only makes sense that those who are exposed to porn have their perceptions of sex twisted and warped. For the frequent porn consumer, real people sometimes don’t measure up, and partners are considered less exciting when compared to an exaggerated production on a screen.
Why we fight
We fight for love because reality is so much better than the synthetic world porn depicts. Porn is devoid of real connection and intimacy, and it sets consumers up to have unrealistic expectations of their partner. This story reinforces the fact that life and love are so much better and richer without porn.
Real people have quirks, flaws, and personalities that even the “best” porn can’t rival. Love is the sexiest of all, and fighting for it is completely worth it.
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