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My Boyfriend Confessed To Watching Porn, But I Was Keeping A Similar Secret

By April 12, 2017 March 26th, 2018 No Comments

The amount of women that are viewing and becoming addicted to porn is increasing rapidly. The idea that porn is something only guys struggle with is an outdated myth. As many as 1/3 of porn site visitors are women, and they are even searching for more hardcore categories than the men.

The following story was sent to us by a girl who was caught off guard when her boyfriend told her he was addicted to porn. Not only was she surprised by her boyfriend’s secret addiction, but felt even worse that she was keeping a secret of her own.


Hey FTND,

I started looking at porn when I was just a 13-year-old girl. I honestly don’t even remember how I ended up seeing it for the first time but ever since I did, it became a sincere struggle for me. I would go through times when I was sure that I was done looking at porn and I would promise myself I wouldn’t again. But I would always fall back into it. It honestly seemed like an impossible habit to break.

When I started dating my boyfriend, I continued trying to fight off the addiction but it was still a struggle for me. We had been dating for a few months and had shared that we loved each other. Things were great. And then all of a sudden he started to seem really irritable and upset all the time. I started to get really worried, thinking that maybe he didn’t want to be with me anymore. Eventually, he opened up to me and shared that the reason he had been so upset.

He admitted to me that, after being porn free for almost a year, he had fallen back into it recently.

He kept saying how sorry he was and how he felt like he had hurt and betrayed me. He was right; I was hurt. He kept saying that he was so ashamed and so mad at himself. He had no idea that I too had been keeping a secret struggle from him.

I was afraid to tell him that I also struggled with porn.

Related: What It’s Like To Be A Girl Addicted To Porn

I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him because me looking at porn just seemed like something even I thought was completely unbelievable. I didn’t know of any girls who looked at porn and I felt like I was the only one. While my boyfriend kept beating himself up about his porn problem, saying how ashamed he was of it, behind the scenes I was only feeling more and more ashamed about my problem. It was eating at me, knowing that my boyfriend had been open about his struggle and that I was still keeping mine a secret.

So I finally came to the decision that I would tell him.

When I told my boyfriend about my own struggles with porn, he was very understanding. He said we could work on it together and I was so grateful for his support. Fast forward and it has been a year since that time. We have both been a support for the other in that time—we installed filters on each other’s computers, we made a promise to call each other if we felt the urge to watch porn, we used a method of marking on the calendar how many days we were porn free, and it all really helped. Whenever I felt like I wanted to look at porn I called him and he reminded me that our relationship is so much stronger than that, that it is worth more than that.

Related: My Boyfriend And I Helped Were Porn Addicts, Then Helped Each Other Quit

We have both grown so much as individuals and as a couple since then. Having that support system is really what helped. I encourage anyone who is struggling with porn to find someone they trust and ask them to help keep them accountable. It’s so hard to do it all on your own and having that person makes a huge difference.

I just want to say thank you for all y’all do. It’s nice to know other people have gone through what we have.

– J.


One of the things that make porn such a problem in the lives of individuals and especially in relationships is the amount of secrecy that goes into it. By shining a light on the topic of pornography and getting the word out there, we can remove this shameful blanket that so many guys and girls feel trapped under. The science and the research has spoken: porn is harmful and it destroys relationships.

What YOU Can Do

Get the word out on the harms of pornography. SHARE this article to help spotlight this topic and get conversations started.

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