The sexual shame consumers experience and the sexual themes that arouse them may have important clues to tell them about their story and the path to healing.
For healthy individuals, increased sexual desire was predicted by positive self-esteem, whereas for problematic porn consumers, shame predicted increased sexual desire.
We often hear the argument that shame is a good thing when it comes to quitting porn. Research, however, shows the opposite.
Even if some women have not adopted thinness as a personal standard, they may have taken their previous partners’ porn habit as a sign they need to lose weight.
Shame can carry a discouraging weight that makes it impossible for some to change, forgive, or progress. Here’s how shame harms lives affected by porn.
Betrayal trauma is a real thing, and it looks different for each person. Most people feel heartbreaking and go through a mourning process. The lies and broken trust are often what hurt the most.
“Have I overcome it yet? No. Does it still feel hopeless sometimes? Yes. But I am here to tell you that if you struggle with porn, especially as a woman, it is possible to overcome it and it is not hopeless.”
“I hated what I was doing and was guilt-ridden most of the time. I lost confidence because I was sure someone would find and expose my secret. I lived in shame and embarrassment.”
The purpose of this study was to examine the prevalence of both shame and guilt in hypersexual persons, to examine the associations between the intensity of these emotions and the degree of hypersexuality.
“I reached out to a friend and I spilled my heart to her. Literally as the words ‘I have a problem with porn’ left my mouth it was as if a physical weight was lifted from me.”
“When I became a SANE nurse, I thought the typical perpetrator was going to be an older male, but I was wrong. The biggest age range of perpetrators I see in my hospital is children.”
As an organization, we have never intended the phrase “Porn Kills Love” to be shaming. Helping people recognize that porn is harmful isn’t about shaming them, it’s about inviting them to truly consider how porn impacts their life.